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Yankees Offseason Wish List: 2020-2021 Edition

Allow me to be the first to tell you that the 2020-2021 MLB free agency period is underway! No, seriously, like teams can start adding good players right now, but this offseason is frozen over. Baseball writers have boy-that-cried-wolf’d slow offseasons for a couple of straight years now just because overrated free agents didn’t get irresponsible contracts like it was 2005, but this time it’s actually bad – and for good reason with the reported billions with a B lost dollars across the league as a result of the pandemic.

Still, if you’re a bored baseball fun looking for a silver lining – beyond the Royals signing Michael A Taylor!!! – this dormant market has provided me with the time to brain dump all of the daily thoughts that I have about Yankees contractual matters. You know, normal people stuff. I did this exercise two years ago and not only had a lot of fun in the process, but it’s pretty sweet to be able to go back to a timestamped blog and say “no I REALLY was on record that the Yankees shouldn’t bring back JA Happ.”

Only a couple of ground rules:

1. The Yankees salary intentions for 2021 haven’t been put out into the open for fans, but Hal Steinbrenner has made it well known that the team took a financial beating last year. “Luxury tax threshold” has been the most oft spoken three-word phrase by Yankees execs since “Chien Ming Wang,” and actually for understandable reasons for the first time ever heading into 2021. This blog will not serve as a defense for billionaires or near billionaires, but after diving face first into the red just to lose again before the World Series and finally getting Jacoby Ellsbury off the books, I get it. So we’re not going to hypothetically commit the Yankees to owe more than the 2021 threshold of $210 million. According to this calculation by Mike Axisa, which just about falls in line with other sources, the Yanks have about $172 million counting towards the tax following arbitration projections. So, to play it safe and give the Yankees a bit of breathing room going into the season, we have $35 million to play with.

2. We are building a 26 man Opening Day roster, because I think that’s the size now? So weird that teams are setting rosters for 2021 without knowing the most basic of rules for the 2021 season. And for anyone new who comes onto the roster, somebody has to come off the 40 man roster. The Yankees have 39 players currently on the roster, but consider two spots open since Luis Severino is expected to be placed on the 60 day IL prior to the season.

3. This blog is not written by a Mike Francesa radio caller. “He wants to win” is not a reasonable defense for a player taking a below-market contract to play for the Yankees. And for any trades, I would have to want to accept the trade on the other side of the table too. Apologies if you had hopes of getting Nolan Arenado for Tyler Wade.

So, here we go. It’s as self-explanatory as it sounds. Just imagine that Brian Cashman is open to consulting from 27 year old dudes with Bachelors of Arts degrees in Political Science writing this blog in basement studios on a 2010 MacBook Pro. I’ll list out my proposed moves with a couple of back-up options that I like included, and mention towards the end of the blog some non-recommended and unlikely moves for the Yanks.

BRING HIM HOME: DJ LeMahieu for 5 years/$80 million ($16 AAV)

A Plate Adjustment Helped D.J. LeMahieu With Yankees, and Skeptical Fans -  The New York Times

They have to figure this out, right? Right?!?! The Yankees surprise signed LeMahieu on a 2 year/$24 million deal before the 2019 season with plans for him to serve as a super utility infielder, only for him to rapidly become the best player on the team. And that’s the best player on two really good teams, if the 4th place MVP finish in 2019 and 3rd place finish in 2020 didn’t give that away.

So with that said…why am I proposing that the Yankees can bring back DJLM on the same deal that Dexter Fowler got from the Cardinals? For starters, I’ll call out the obvious here for the last time: deals will likely be lower in value this offseason across the board. But pandemic finances aside, DJLM has some things working against him:

1. He’s turning 33 next season, which is awfully old for a player expecting a five-year deal. Even if you are the most optimistic investor, you have to acknowledge that those last two years or so could be pretty tough.

2. LeMahieu is a three-time Gold Glove award winner who was arguably the best defender at his position as recently as 2018. But his defense showed cracks in 2020, with negative advanced metrics for the first time in years. I do think that narrative is a bit overblown and that LeMahieu can admirably play second base for at least two more years, but there’s almost no way around the idea that you’re buying into a first baseman for the back half of this contract.

3. Last note, and it’s the biggest one. LeMahieu was straight up not a very good player over his 7 years in Colorado. His individual hardware and then-outlier 2016 season in which he won the NL batting title propped up what was largely a near replacement level run. That 2016 season was his only season with a wRC+ over 100, meaning that he measured out as a below league average hitter for 6 of those 7 seasons. Brian Cashman was smart to see something in DJLM with his opposite field stroke and then career-high 15 homers in 2018, but this is the same guy who hit 34 homers across his first 6 seasons as a Rockie combined. There has to be real fear among GMs that they’d be putting their necks on the line for a player who could revert back to his Colorado self outside of Yankee Stadium.

Those reasons are good and all…but nah. Like, am I going crazy that I have to call attention to how good LeMahieu has been over the past two seasons? He was thoroughly elite in 2019 with a .327/.375/.518 slash line accompanied by an elite strikeout rate and good defense. If there were to have been buyers’ beware after that breakout season, fine. But then in 2020, LeMahieu was even better. Like…way better. He led the league in batting average, OPS, and placed in the 100% percentile in strikeout rate. (More on the strikeout piece throughout this entire blog.) Those are like three entirely different aspects of a batting profile, and LeMahieu was THE best in the league at all of them. He stands out in such a positive way within the current structure of the Yankees lineup, and it just seems like it would be a mutual mistake to not come to terms on DJ as the leadoff man in pinstripes for 2021 and beyond.

Rumors have it that LeMahieu is asking for 5 years/$100 million, which, honestly, good for him. That is beyond fair given his performance in New York and the recent contracts received by All Star caliber players around his age. Still, baseball writers who get paid to project this kind of stuff have those demands by the LeMahieu camp in the bonkers category. The FanGraphs crowd source results, a good place to gauge the thoughts of the baseball community, have him getting 3 years/$42 million! Personally, I think the final deal that DJLM actually receives is closer to his ask. I just have an impossible time believing that outside of New York there isn’t one other front office thinking “uhhhhh why isn’t this guy getting WAY more money?” LeMahieu profiles well over time with his bat, so I think the Yankees would reluctantly but not in tears give him the fifth year that he’s asking for in exchange for some less money per year.

OTHER GOOD OPTIONS

If you are like me in the boat of “LeMahieu or bust” this offseason, then you better pray that the Yankees aren’t feeling really cheap, because the secondary middle infielder market this offseason is actually quite good. Notice how I wrote middle infielder instead of second baseman. Gleyber Torres is awesome, but how do I put this…he has sucked defensively at shortstop. While his ability there might not chalk up to his disastrous 2020 defensive performance, I think it’s pretty clear that the team would be better off with him at second base in the long run. I know I say that while also saying that we should sign DJLM long term, but to me that’s a “figure it out later” thing. Point is, shortstops are on the table for the Yankees in 2021 too.

  • Kolten Wong

Man…I want LeMahieu back with the Yanks so badly, but if some other team pulls a 2014 Robinson Cano on us, then Wong could seriously be a perfect fallback plan. Wong has pretty clearly become the best defensive second baseman in baseball in recent years, as evidenced by his three straight Fielding Bible awards. On top of that, Wong is one of the league’s more disciplined hitters, coupling up an above average walk rate with an elite strikeout rate. So then, why did the Cardinals decline his club option? Well, good question. But the actual answer is that he’s already 30 years old and has shown to be an average hitter at best. There are very few regular pros who hit the ball less hard than Wong. Still, I don’t think he’s a total wash with that bat. Wong is a talented player, a former first rounder and top prospect, and he already has three seasons with 11+ homers under his belt. Now, that’s not a particularly impressive number, but with his approach I could easily see that number doubling playing half of his games in Yankee Stadium. I generally hate projecting success for lefties as Yankees just for the sake of them being lefties hitting towards a short outfield porch, but there are major 2016-2018 Didi Gregorious vibes here.

  • Didi Gregorious

Speaking of the Sir! The Yankees and Didi had a heartbreaking but unfortunately understandable breakup last offseason, and I think just about every Yankee fan was happy to see Didi reassert his value following the complications of Tommy John surgery with an awesome 2020 season for the Phillies. Now, the same drawbacks that Didi had with the Yankees still persist: he doesn’t hit the ball hard or walk a lot, and a new development is that his defense at shortstop has shown some cracks. Still, Didi is an elite contact hitter with pop to the pull field, and at 30 years old and finally back to full health I’m not ready to pronounce him dead as a shortstop. Plus, Didi is just the best. If we miss on DJLM, reuniting the Didi/Gleyber double play combo on say a two-year deal with a third-year option would be sweet.

  • Tommy La Stella

As an analytically inclined baseball philosopher, it’s probably surprising to not see La Stella as my top backup plan to LeMahieu. The man is a BB:K ratio GOD. In 2020, there were only 7 qualified hitters who walked more than they struck out. Numbers 3-7 were within the range of a 1.08-1.23 ratio, with Juan Soto a distant second place at 1.46. But then there’s Tommy La Stella at 2.25! Nobody is rivaling this guy’s eye at the plate right now, and he’s even got a little bit of pop to go along with it. I like La Stella as a free agent, especially now that he’s produced across three different teams recently. But he’s another guy who has never hit the ball hard, and even though he can play all over the infield, he’s not particularly good defensively anywhere. I just think he’s probably a better fit with a team like Oakland that will really capitalize on his versatility.

  • Andrelton Simmons

Simmons is, without a doubt, the preeminent defensive baseball player of the 2010s. If you have any doubts on that claim, since his debut in 2012, he leads all players with 191 defensive runs saved. Next up is Nolan Arenado with…120. Andrelton is nearly lapping the field. The glove is what you’re buying with Andrelton, even though he also comes along with absolutely elite strikeout rates at the plate. But in 2020, Andrelton not only wasn’t a wizard defensively…he was kinda bad. It’s a bummer as a baseball fan to see him hit free agency now and miss out on a lot of money, especially with practically every relevant shortstop in baseball set to hit free agency over the next two years. Still, despite finishing in the 20th percentile of defensive outs above average in 2020, this is the same guy who was in the 99th percentile in 2019. Even if you buy into the aging curve with Simmons, he’s likely at a minimum somewhere in between those 20/99 percentiles defensively. If he can hit at an average level like he did every year from 2017-2020 save 2019, then some team will likely get him on an absolute bargain of a multi-year deal.

  • Enrique “Kike” Hernandez

I’ll be brief here: Kike is just an awesome player to watch. He’s been a chess piece for Dave Roberts and is actually really good at second base. At only 29 years old and with a 21 homer, 3.2 WAR season under his belt in a part-time role, some team out there is probably willing to give him starter money. This kinda screams a Marwin Gonzalez situation where you buy a versatile player from a contender only to see him immediately suck in new surroundings, but Kike was so solid and fun in LA that I would blame no team for taking the chance. But still, going back to the Dodgers would probably make the most sense for both parties.

TO-NAKA? OR NOT TO-NAKA? Masahiro Tanaka for 4 years/$50 million ($12.5 AAV)

Somehow, Masahiro Tanaka has played out the seven-year deal that the Yankees gave him to bring him stateside, and he hits free agency with a far more complicated legacy amongst Yankee fans than he deserves. What Tanaka does deserve is universal respect and appreciation, even if he mostly wasn’t the ace that he was in Japan and flashed over his first three years in New York. On top of being an excellent playoff performer outside of his 2020 blip – 3.33 ERA and 0.98 WHIP in 10 starts – Tanaka has brought a nearly impossible-to-find level of reliability to the Yankees. Since his MLB debut in 2014, Tanaka is one of only six starters to make 20+ starts with a 2.0+ WAR each season from 2014-2019 with similar stats on pace for the pandemic-shortened 2020 season: Max Scherzer, Clayton Kershaw, Jacob deGrom, Gerrit Cole, Zack Greinke, and Tanaka. Not bad company.

Now, Tanaka isn’t nearly as good as those guys, but he does find himself as the consensus runner-up for the best starting pitcher on the free agent market behind Trevor Bauer. He’s an elite control pitcher with a walk rate that has never risen above 5.5%, and durability concerns should mostly be behind him now that he’s pitched a couple of full seasons with his partially torn UCL without any real issues. So why just a 4 year/$50 million projection then? Every team always needs starting pitching and it’s especially enticing when you don’t have to give up assets to get one, but Tanaka doesn’t exactly come along with the upside that you would typically find with the second best starter on the market – let alone even the third or fourth. Like, Tanaka is hitting free agency with better stats than Zack Wheeler when he did last year, but Wheeler’s contract will likely double what Tanaka ends up getting because there were real underlying signs of an ace with Wheeler (which looks like a correct bet by Philly one year in). You know for the most part what you are getting with Tanaka, which in some ways is certainly a good thing, but it’s probably not great for his payday hopes that it’s really hard to think there’s a team out there who sees Cy Young votes in the future for this version of Tanaka.

While I certainly would not mind another top-line starter or two on the Yankees, the good news is that a dependable mid-rotation starter is actually the team’s top need after committing $324 million to one pitcher last offseason. The current SP2 on the Yankees depth chart is Jordan Montgomery, who is a fine pitcher with some upside, but at BEST is a SP4 on a contending team. Deivi Garcia and Clarke Schmidt are two of the Yankees best prospects and are both major league ready, but they should both be on pitch counts and likely wouldn’t exceed 100 innings on the season by much. Then there is the Tommy John recovery of Luis Severino and the black cloud of the domestic violence suspension hanging over Domingo German…you get the point. The Yankees need stability in the rotation, and who better than the beloved clubhouse guy who would become the longest tenured Yankee with a departure of Brett Gardner?

More good news for the Yankees in Tanaka’s case is that it’s hard to even predict what other team would be competing for his services. There is some talk that if the Yankees were to lose Tanaka to anyone, it would actually be to a team in the NPB in his native Japan. (Why would anyone want to leave America right now?) Tanaka’s Achilles heel for years has been his tendency to give up quite a few more long balls than the average pitcher, and they aren’t cheap Yankee Stadium dingers either. Tanaka has worked his exit velocity figures up to nearly league average, but when he misses his spot the ball is usually clobbered. In an otherwise good 2020 season, Tanaka posted the worst barrel rate of his career, and hitters have increased their launch angles against Tanaka each year since 2017. Basically, opposing teams are going into Tanaka starts expecting to tee off. Aside from simply the mental impact of pitching in a new home park for the first time in his career, there is data that supports that Tanaka is actually a better pitcher at Yankee Stadium than on the road, so I’d get why another team might be concerned about investing in a Home Run Derby tosser.

If the Yankees do bring back Tanaka, I imagine it would be one of those vesting contracts with an option based on player incentives like Zack Britton and JA Happ both signed. At just 32, I don’t really worry about Tanaka flaming out over a three or four year deal. He’s a craftsman on the mound who doesn’t rely on overpowering hitters, though it is worth noting that his velocity was actually up last season. He’s such a smart pitcher that he might be immune to the blowup season that a lot of veteran pitchers experience when they are slow to admit to themselves that they’ve lost their best stuff. Honestly, that might have already happened in Tanaka’s case. He has started to move away from the splitter that led to his early dominance that had lost its bite in recent seasons, replacing it with slight increases in his curveball count while introducing a changeup. That can be a tough transition for pitchers, but in Tanaka’s case almost nobody noticed since his control remained so good – though his swing-and-miss rates did jump back up! I’ll wrap it up: Tanaka is just a good baseball player, and if the Yankees let him walk I think it would take no more than 1-2 months to realize that we messed up with a good thing.

OTHER GOOD OPTIONS

  • Jose Quintana

Quintana has long been connected to the Yankees, from his time in the farm system as a Tampa Yankee to then a heavily rumored trade target before the Cubs “won” those sweepstakes. Did any other baseball fans completely miss Quintana’s pretty good 2019 season for the Cubs? I just bought into the narrative that his time on the North Side of Chicago was a total waste of time, but his 3.80 FIP that season verifies that he faced some terrible luck both with team defense and at the expense of his own manager – 31 games started but only 171 innings. Quintana basically missed the entire 2020 season with injuries, though he should be good to go for 2021 and this is the same guy who has made 31+ starts EVERY season from 2013-2019 with a WAR below 3.4 in only one of those seasons (2018). The ceiling is low, and I see way more potential for Quintana to crash and burn than someone like Tanaka who also doesn’t throw hard. Quintana relies pretty heavily on his four-seam fastball, which clocks at an average of 91 MPH and barely has any movement. Sabermetrics hate him for it, as well as his extremely low spin rates and concerning exit velocities. Still, he’s spent most of his career as a good pitcher and will only be 32 at Opening Day. With his disappointing tenure as a Cub and an absent 2020 season, Quintana should command no more than a two-year deal, and I’d take the bet that you’re getting the White Sox version of him.

PITCHER TRADE: Estevan Florial, Albert Abreu, Luis Cessa, and Kevin Alcantara to the Pirates for Joe Musgrove and Cole Tucker

Quick editor’s note: I’m writing this blog in pieces over the course of about a week, and I’m writing this section less than 24 hours removed from Lance Lynn getting traded to the White Sox. It works out, because I really didn’t see (or want) the Yankees trading for Lynn despite the obvious fit, but it also verifies the general sentiment that trading for starting pitching in the offseason is ridiculously hard. Lynn has been a really good workhorse over the past two seasons, but one year of him is costing a majors-ready Top 100 prospect who has some real promise in Dane Dunning. There are only a select few teams that would even entertain the idea of trading away an attractive starter before the season:

Openly Tanking/Sucking: Orioles, Pirates, Rangers, Tigers

Openly Seeking Cash Relief: Cubs, Indians, Rays, Reds, Rockies

Of those 9 teams, all of them besides the Orioles and (now) Rangers have starters on contracts that I could see them trading. I’ll address each of them throughout this blog, but I’ll quickly get the two longshots – especially for the Yankees – out of the way now: Yu Darvish and Blake Snell. Darvish definitely hasn’t been marketed as a trade candidate after just finishing as the NL Cy Young runner-up for a playoff team, but he’s 34, volatile and injury prone with $59 million owed over the next three years. You can count the number of pitchers better when dialed in than Darvish on one hand, but with Theo Epstein moving on and this team clearly heading in a new direction from their 2016 high, Darvish could jumpstart a rebuild. As for Snell, I could more likely see him being moved than Darvish given the Rays frugal nature and his value being sky-high off of a dominant (yet abbreviated) World Series start. But at just 28 with a 3 year/$40 million remaining contract and already rostered by a great team, it would take a king’s ransom to get Snell. The Rays would likely start the negotiations with the Yankees with Gleyber…so yeah no thanks.

So that takes us to Musgrove, my favorite option among those other five teams for the Yankees current situation. If you don’t know much about Musgrove – which I wouldn’t blame you for – he was the swingman on the 2017 Astros championship team then became one the centerpieces of the Gerrit Cole trade. In his first two years in Pittsburgh, Musgrove was quietly a good pitcher, averaging only 112 innings over those seasons but with good walk, ground ball, home run, and spin rates. But then, despite his 1-5 record due to playing on the worst team in baseball, he took things to another level in 2020. I hesitate to overreact to any findings that come out of the 2020 season when Musgrove threw only 39.2 innings, but the dude’s strikeout rate SPIKED and his exit velocity rates reached elite territory, all while keeping his ground ball and homer percentages stable. This was no small sample size coincidence either. Musgrove cut back on his fastball to more than double his percentage of curveballs, and the early results show that was a VERY good idea. It measured out as the 12th most valuable curveball in all of MLB in 2020 according to FanGraphs pitch values…not bad for something he was barely throwing before. Musgrove is a bulldog on the mound who brings a high floor alongside a ceiling that I think is going extremely under-discussed in the baseball community, especially since I’m pretty sure that he’s going to get traded before the season. He’s affordable, even for the Pirates, with two arbitration years remaining with the first one projected for just $4 million. But the Pirates, like the Rangers with Lynn, will likely look themselves in the mirror and accept that there is just no chance that their team contends over the next two seasons. Musgrove would address the durability concerns for the Yankees rotation, but I am also bullish on his ability to be the guy who’s confidently handed the ball for an October start too.

Despite that glowing review of Musgrove and his two years of cheap control, I don’t foresee him commanding a massive return. He just hasn’t put it all together – yet – and he sits at just 92 MPH with his fastball. It’s possible that the Yankees could be forced into centering any starting pitcher trade around Clarke Schmidt, but the Pirates are restarting so aggressively and need help everywhere so I think they would go more for a wider package of assets. (Ironically this is similar to the ill-fated package that they got for Cole – doubly ironic with Musgrove involved – but I think this time it would actually make sense.) That would work better in the Yankees favor, since they’ve got an intriguing pipeline but are pretty thin at the top with how things currently sit. There isn’t exactly a headliner in this proposed package, so I’ll just give each player a sentence or two. Estevan Florial was not long ago the Yankees top prospect and deemed untouchable by Brian Cashman, but he’s seen his shine wear off in the minors mainly due to his plate discipline. But he’s still just 23 with dynamite tools, and the Pirates are certainly in a position to extend Florial a long leash with their current outfield depth chart. Albert Abreu is another guy who recently was mentioned as one the Yankees best prospects, but he’s 25 now and the Yankees have been too good to give him a real chance to prove himself. He’s got big-time stuff with a fastball that can approach 100 MPH, so at worst he could become one of the Pirates more exciting relievers as early as 2021. Luis Cessa is the most boring of the group, but if the Pirates trade Musgrove then they would need to replace those innings with someone. Yankee fans know that Cessa isn’t anything special, but he’s only due $1 million next year, throws in the mid 90s with a repeatable delivery and could definitely make 20+ starts in a season without being bad enough to incite a fan revolt. Kevin Alcantara is the lottery ticket here. I won’t pretend to know much about an 18-year-old Dominican kid, but he’s got speed to go along with his 6’6” frame. He ranks anywhere from third to the teens on Yankees farm system lists, but if we can’t accept giving up a years-away prospect for immediate pitching help when he’s not even the best teenage centerfielder in our system, then we’ve got bigger problems.

I also have the Pirates chipping in Cole Tucker in this fake deal. You might think that’s BS to do Tucker like that with his high digital profile and celebrity girlfriend, but the fact of the matter is that Tucker is currently a bad player. Pittsburgh had Tucker in the outfield last year for some godforsaken reason, and while it wasn’t a total disaster or anything, it’s pretty obvious that he’s a shortstop. Among shortstops to play 300+ innings in 2019, Tucker’s only MLB season with time at the position, he finished 11th out of 38 qualifiers in UZR/150 (one of the few top defensive metrics). Nothing extraordinary, but this is when I remind about Gleyber’s defensive woes at shortstop. And if we do ride it out with Gleyber there, lord knows that the Yankees could use a better backup at the position than Tyler Wade, who isn’t even a good shortstop! As for Tucker’s bat, it’s pretty tough to find redemptive qualities there – in 2019 he was league average in hard hit percentage? Tucker’s swing looks pretty broken and he’s buried on the Pirates depth chart after they tendered Erik Gonzalez and drafted shortstop Nick Gonzales 7th overall, so I’d like to see what would happen if the Yankees started him out in Triple-A and had their swing magicians try to turn him around like they’ve successfully done recently with other first round busts and prospect cast-offs.

OTHER GOOD OPTIONS

  • Kyle Freeland

Would you have guessed that the only MLB team with three starters who qualified for the ERA title to each have an ERA+ north of 100 (100 is league average) in 2020 was…the Colorado Rockies? The same team that went 26-34 last year and that projection models HATE for 2021 – and that’s with Nolan Arenado and Trevor Story on the roster. With a grim immediate future, the tenth highest payroll in the league, and ONE prospect in MLB.com’s Top 100 (who isn’t supposed to crack the big leagues until 2024), the Rockies should probably blow this thing up beyond Arenado and/or Story. German Marquez is their best starter, but even with how bad things are in Denver I have a tough time seeing them moving on from him. Of their other arms, the one target I like for the Yankees is Kyle Freeland. (More on the others below in the “Don’t Want It” section!) For a guy who is turning 28 during the 2021 season, Freeland has already had quite the career. He was the 8th overall pick by the Rockies in the 2014 Draft, got some Rookie of the Year votes in 2017, finished 4th in the NL Cy Young voting in 2018 (worth noting he was INSANELY lucky that season), then was arguably the single worst pitcher in baseball in 2019 – so bad that he got sent down to Triple-A where he went 0-4 with a 8.80 ERA. Freeland quickly shook it off in 2020 back in big leagues, making 9 quality starts across 13 outings. I don’t think this has the makings of a Cliff Lee level rags-to-riches story, but I’m optimistic that the Freeland we saw in 2020 will be closest to the version we get for the foreseeable future. It’s a gamble on his mound makeup, because his good soft contact rates are negated by his inability to miss bats combined with control that is good but not as good as you’d think. Still, I watched Freeland go into Wrigley Field and throw 6.2 innings of shutout ball in the 2018 Wild Card Game, and then I watched him remodel his approach to quick success after a season that would have crushed some other pitchers. Freeland cut his four-seam fastball percentage in half from 2019 to 2020 while leaning more heavily on his changeup. He’s an outlier in a game that continues to embrace power, cut from the same cloth as Andy Pettitte and Mark Buehrle. For the Yankees, again, the name of the game is quality starter innings, and Freeland is the first lefty that I’ve targeted. (Besides Quintana, but I like Freeland more.) Like most southpaws Freeland is better against lefty batters, but in his case he’s MUCH better against lefty batters – another plus. Of the three starters that I can see the Rockies trading, Freeland also has the best quantitative case that he’d improve outside of Coors Field (3.98 career road ERA vs. 4.35 at Coors). Freeland is owed roughly $4.5 million for his first of three arbitration years in 2021, so he comes at a manageable cost. Still, I don’t think trading for him would be too tough, given the aforementioned Rockies woes, being so closely removed from his 2019 implosion, and his style being so unfriendly towards analytics. If this extremely long-winded paragraph didn’t give it away, I’d have Freeland as a 1B to Musgrove’s 1A for starting pitcher trade targets.

  • Carlos Carrasco

I’m not sure why fans of teams in need of starting pitching – myself included – aren’t banging the table for Carrasco more? He’s on the league’s biggest “help me I’m poor” team in the Indians and carries either a 2 year/$24 million or 3 year/$38 million deal depending on his vesting option – not cheap but also team-friendly for a player of Carrasco’s caliber. It’s hard to find starters more consistently good than Carrasco. From 2015-2020 minus 2019 when he was diagnosed with leukemia, Carrasco has had an ERA between 2.91-3.63 each season. From 2015-2020 minus 2016 he has had a K/9 rate of 10.17-10.85 each season. He’s still missing bats as often as ever too, with solid velocity and near-elite spin rates to boot. I’d be excited with a trade for Carrasco, especially since he’s already a #2 starter when somebody like Joe Musgrove has only shown glimpses of potentially becoming one. Also, with the Indians penchant towards unexpected trade returns for legit players, even with the Yankees farm in a fairly weak state I’m confident we could pull of a trade for Carrasco without it going completely barren. Still, for some reason the idea doesn’t totally jack me up? Part of it is definitely his contract, which isn’t exactly a flier. There is natural worry about a velocity-based pitcher who will turn 34 prior to Opening Day too, and he did show cracks in his control for the first time ever in his 12 starts in 2020. Part of me just sees Carrasco getting shelled in new digs, but a bigger part of me thinks he’s such a rock solid pitcher available for the taking that you just do it.

A PAINFUL GOODBYE / FIXING THE DEFENSE: Gary Sanchez (plus choice of low prospect/draft pick/international signing bonus money) to the Rays for Kevin Kiermaier

I know, I know. Every WFAN caller wants the Yankees to ship Gary on the first flight out of New York, and while those callers a proud group of people, they are generally not a group that I choose to identify with. But here, I am sadly with them. I try to avoid personal notes in writing like this, but in the case of Gary I think it’s important to clarify that he was my favorite Yankee from 2016-2019. I love Gary and staunchly defended him after all of the passed balls and lack of hustle plays. So this isn’t a frustration decision to hypothetically trade him; I’ve just reached the point where I think we’re lying to ourselves that he makes this construction of a Yankees team better in a meaningful way, if at all.

There haven’t been any rumblings of a deal along these lines and I don’t think anything like it actually happens – I think Gary stays with the Yankees for 2021 – but man I do like it a lot for both teams. Kiermaier really has become expendable for the Rays with Randy Arozarena’s breakout and Manny Margot as a more than capable centerfielder, and Kyle Higashioka gave reason to believe that he could be a decent platoon catching option at worst.

If you follow baseball at all, then you likely know that Sanchez’s 2020 season was an unmitigated disaster. He batted .147 across 178 plate appearances, saw his strikeout rate spike to 36.0%, and the defensive woes that have plagued him throughout his career continued – all culminating in his benching come the playoffs. It was a tough to watch fall from grace for Gary, who in 2017 looked like one of the premier building blocks in the league and in 2019 hit 34 homers with a wRC+ of 116 as a catcher. The power was so real that you put up with the occasional lapses and miscues, but it all fell apart in 2020. Gary was, in my scientific opinion, lost. In one of the most damning stats I’ve ever heard, Gary saw 55 pitches that qualified as “meatballs” in 2020 per Statcast, and he recorded hits on…0 of them. We had seen Gary in his own head before, but nothing like this.

Now, I don’t think Gary is hopeless, and in a second I’ll clarify why I think a team – the Rays in particular – would be interested in buying Gary at rock bottom. But first I want to quickly elaborate on why I think the Yankees should trade him. The Yankees cannot regularly trot out SIX right-handed hitters who strike out more than league average (Gary, Voit, Gleyber, Frazier, Judge, Stanton). I don’t know how that has become a controversial opinion, especially if anyone who denies that has watched the Yankees in October. I clearly don’t think the Yankees require drastic measures to win it all with the moves that I list out in this blog, but we have to acknowledge and adjust to the fact that getting overpowered by pitching in the playoffs has been just as big of a problem, if not more of a problem, than not having enough of that overpowering pitching of our own. The last four World Series champions have limited strikeouts at the plate at an elite team-wide level, and while the Yankees have improved in this department in recent years, they can still absolutely do better.

Now, the one team that has reached the World Series in that four-year span that doesn’t mind striking out on repeat? That would be the 2020 Tampa Bay Rays, who finished dead last in MLB in the category. (Difference between the #30 Rays and #29 Twins is greater than the difference between the Twins and #25 Cubs.) Tampa REALLY can live with the slow walk back to the dugout; in fact, they embrace it if you can bring something elite to the table to make up for it. In the case of Gary Sanchez, nobody on the planet can hit a baseball harder. He’s finished in the Top 5% of barrel rate across MLB over each of the past three seasons, all while walking more than the average hitter. And while Gary is CERTAINLY not the most fleet of foot, for somebody who hits the ball as hard as him, the .159 BABIP he posted in 2020 was impossibly low. He’s due for better luck, and new surroundings with lower pressure could bring it out for him. The Rays are currently slated for the lowest projected WAR at the catcher position in all of baseball for 2021 as well, so they are certainly going to make a move. And Gary, while a technical mess and still a liability with balls in the dirt, is a fine pitch framer with a huge arm, and pitchers aside from Gerrit Cole have seemed to like him as a battery mate. The Rays are smart enough to not care about trading within the division, but would they take on Gary’s $6 million of salary in 2021 with more due in 2022 for a reclamation project? I think they would, considering they went into last season with Muke Zunino as their fifth highest paid player, who at his best is close to Gary at his worst. But beyond that, I think the Rays would especially be open to a trade that nets them a few extra millions of dollars in the process, and the only non-Snell way to do that with Gary is to exchange him for Kevin Kiermaier.

Kiermaier is set to become the highest paid player on the Rays now that they cut ties with Charlie Morton, with 2-3 years remaining on his deal and at least $26 million committed to him. Beyond his loyalty as the longest tenured member of the Rays, Kiermaier makes good money for one reason: his glove. Plain and simple, he’s the most valuable defender at the most valuable defensive position in baseball, and it’s been that way for years. If you can find the humor in advanced baseball statistics, Kiermaier’s defensive metrics are laugh out loud funny. There isn’t one component to playing centerfield where he hasn’t been in the 99th percentile for it. Healthy and just 30 years old, he hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down yet either.

The Yankees desperately need to address their team defense too, something I’ve alluded to earlier with Gleyber Torres and now here again with Gary. It’s something that I think would have been a much bigger storyline had the 2020 season not been abbreviated and so weird. The Yankees finished with negative defensive runs saved as a team, and Aaron Hicks – while a good player – was also a major part of that. Only the Royals and Angels got worse defensive production in centerfield than the Yankees in 2020 according to DRS, and the eye test backs that up. Hicks has lost a couple of steps, and he’s such a valuable component to the Yankees lineup that the team should be looking to limit his annual IL trips that have come out of playing centerfield so often. Kiermaier isn’t the most durable player either with his style of play – only in 2015 has he played more than 130 games – so the Yankees would be able to keep both guys fresh. And by more regularly kicking Hicks to a corner outfield position, where there’s no reason to believe that he wouldn’t thrive, the Yanks would improve defensively in two spots.

Kiermaier’s bat on the other hand is an entirely different story, which is why I feel comfortable mock trading him for Sanchez to save the Rays $6 million in 2021. (A $6 million player would be the fourth highest paid on the Rays in 2021.) His offensive numbers have been mediocre enough where this is the point of reading this when you ask why the Yankees would do this trade. He has a posted wRC+ of 79, 78, and 93 over the past three seasons, with an OBP as low as .278 in that span. He just isn’t a good hitter as it stands; in fact he’s quite a crappy one. Still, there are reasons to think that he could be at least an average hitter moving forward. In 2020, as limited as the season was, Kiermaier posted a career high in barrel and hard hit percentages, with a walk rate (12.6%) that nearly doubled his career average coming into the season. He’s changed his approach and the deepest of analytics see it for the best, especially if he can improve his launch angle and keep the ball off the ground so much – think when Brett Gardner hit 28 homers out of nowhere in 2019. To the Yankees benefit, Kiermaier has been a better hitter against righties than lefties in both 2020 and over the course of his career. And if there is anything to learn from the 2020 Rays it’s the reality of regular lefty/righty platooning success, something that I am begrudgingly accepting. If Kiermaier could even bring his wRC+ up to 100 by capitalizing on being the rare lefty in the Yankees lineup while learning to take advantage of the short porch, then we might be talking about an All Star here, not just a phenomenal glove with a bat that you deal with.

OTHER GOOD OPTIONS

I’ll cover both trading Gary Sanchez and the centerfield defensive upgrade here.

  • Jackie Bradley Jr.

JBJ is a good player, though he’s one of the tougher guys to encapsulate in the league. He’s famously streaky; at one time rattling off a 29 game hitting streak then at other times looking unplayable at the plate over weeks long stretches. His counting stats appear evenly split between good offensive seasons (2015, 2016, 2020) and bad offensive seasons (2014, 2017, 2018, 2019). He has NEVER posted a season with a wRC+ between 91-117. You might have noticed that three of those bad seasons were consecutive from 2017-2019 and are inclined to think that his 2020 was a fluke, but I’m not so sure. In 2020 he simultaneously posted both his best walk and strikeout rates of his career – pretty good! But strangely enough, his exit velocities were down in 2020 and his expected stats show that he got really lucky, but it was the opposite case from 2017-2019 when he hit the ball hard with not much to show for it. (He was SO unlucky in 2018, with a 96th percentile hard hit percentage and a .234 batting average.) Like I said, he’s a tough evaluation.

What makes JBJ an easier decision for teams is that he’s one of the select few consistently good defensive centerfielders in the game. He’s not quite in Kiermaier territory and it is possible that some of his elite metrics come from his mastery of the complex Fenway Park centerfield, but he’s going to give you a plus glove regardless for a few years at just 31 years old. I think he’d be a great fit for the Yankees and he’s enticing as a free agent, though I think he’s going to get paid more than people might expect. The centerfield free agent market is George Springer in the top tier, Bradley in the next tier, and then the tier after them is a bunch of guys that are debatably deserving of major league roster spots. I think JBJ is in play for a three-year deal in the range of $30-40 million, which would be an expensive commitment for a fourth outfielder for the Yankees – especially if they aren’t offloading salary in the process. I’ll call my shot here that he goes to the Astros.

  • Gary to the Rockies

A trade framework around Gary and Kyle Freeland actually makes a lot of sense. No team has struggled with one position in the 21st century like the Rockies and catchers. The Yankees would have to give up a better prospect(s) for Freeland for a fledgling team like the Rockies to take on Gary’s money, but it would be a great landing spot for him.

  • Gary to the Rangers

Rebuilding team with zero expectations and terrible catcher depth where Gary could split time between catching and DH. It’s tough to even pick whom the Yankees would want in return…likely a bullpen arm, or maybe Rougned Odor if the Rangers paid off at least half of his contract.

  • Gary to the Marlins

It’s cliché but I could see Derek Jeter having interest in bringing Gary to Miami. The Marlins are likely still a year away from calling it quits for good on Jorge Alfaro, and maybe trading for Gary could light a spark under the talented yet struggling Alfaro. This trade could work for Corey Dickerson in return, who I don’t like much but would fit well with the Yankees as a lefty-hitting corner outfielder who makes good contact. He’s the Marlins second most expensive player heading into 2021, but offset by Gary would only cost the Yankees $4 million.

  • Gary to the Tigers

OK, I can actually see this one happening. Gary has historically dominated the Tigers, and they sound like a team ready to stop being one of the laughingstocks of the league. But before they can do that, they need catcher help and somebody resembling a cleanup hitter. The Tigers and Yankees are trade compatible on paper, with Detroit likely hoping to move at least one of their veteran starting pitchers to make room for their young guns. I really don’t like any of the options that they have to offer – more on them later – but again, a major part of this is addition by subtraction with how Gary currently fits with the Yankees.

NOW GO GET ANOTHER CATCHER: Miguel Yajure to the Dodgers for Austin Barnes

I understand what Yankee fans reading this might be thinking: why the hell would we voluntarily enter catcher hell? Catcher hell is a very real and very scary thing. Akin to tight end hell in fantasy football, this happens when you forego an everyday option for a more appealing quick fix, but then the shine wears off that quick fix and you find yourself auditioning stopgap after stopgap to no avail. My retort to that would be…are the Yankees not in catcher hell already? Sure, it happened quickly after Gary’s 2020, but I don’t know how you could look at 12-15 of the better catcher situations around baseball and think we’re in the same boat as them. Even if you do think Gary has a rebound 2021 season in him, which is a totally valid line of thought, do you seriously think we would extend Gary following 2022 as our catcher of the future? And if not, where are you going to play him? As a fun reminder, Giancarlo Stanton is signed on to be our DH through at least 2027.

I have enough self-awareness to realize that this is entering Inception territory with a hypothetical catcher trade inside of a hypothetical catcher trade. Still, I think it is important to cover what our options actually could look like for all of the fans calling for Gary’s head. There are a couple of cheap one-year options in free agency that I’ll cover soon, but they each are old and come with major flaws. For the very few “Tier 3” catchers on the market, basically someone you would sign for around 2 years/$10 million, I don’t like any of them at all. So back to the trade market we head!

Trading for a catcher is essentially as difficult as trading for a starting pitcher, because it’s really the only position where teams place a premium on the backup. The trading team either has to have three majors-ready options at the position, or like always it can come down to a salary crunch. In the case of the Dodgers, it is safely the former with Barnes on the same squad as Will Smith and Keibert Ruiz. Smith broke out in a big way in 2020, and at just 25 years old he’s on the cusp on stardom. Ruiz is a blue-chip prospect who the Dodgers have notably avoided trading to date, and now he’s ready to make more than 8 plate appearances in the big leagues like he did in 2020. Any way you slice it, Barnes is the runt of the litter with the Dodgers catching situation when it comes to future value.

That’s not to shortchange Barnes too much, who is only going to be 31 on Opening Day and comes along with two years of cheap arbitration salaries. He’s excellent defensively around the plate and has consistently measured as one of the better framers in the game. He’s subpar when it comes to preventing steals, but if you’ve watched an AL East game recently then you know that isn’t a big deal anymore. The defense is certainly the main reason that it would be cool to have Barnes in pinstripes, but it’s not the only reason. Barnes is a pretty bad all around hitter any way you slice it – minus an amazing 2017 season that was safely an outlier – but he does do some things well with the bat. He has an excellent approach at the plate, combining consistently strong walk rates with league-average strikeout rates – which is good for a catcher. He’s really light hitting with a slugging percentage that has topped out at .340 over the last three seasons, but he has improved his launch angle and in 2020 routinely hit the ball hard as much as he did in 2017. He hasn’t seen the immediate returns on those swing changes yet, but maybe with more regular playing time in a more hitter-friendly ballpark (27.2% of his batted balls in 2019 went to the opposite field) he could become a 15 homer guy? If not, then oh well he’s still a really good defensive catcher who would work tough at bats in the 9 hole.

I’m not sure if the Dodgers would do this? Even with Smith and Ruiz offering them much more promise, Barnes is the only one of the group who is glove-first, so maybe they wouldn’t consider departing with him during their championship window. But I find it hard to believe that improving Smith’s defense isn’t a top priority for them, and at his young age it’s certainly possible. If I’m underselling their commitment to Barnes, then I would improve the Yankees offer up to Jonathan Loaisiga. If I’m overvaluing a guy who had a 68 wRC+ in 2019, then I would decrease the offer to someone more in line with Luis Cessa. We’ll compromise with Miguel Yajure, who ranks in the teens in most Yankees prospect rankings with non-special stuff but good control that led to a 2.14 ERA in 2019 across A+ and AA minor league ball.

OTHER GOOD OPTIONS

  • Trade for Willson Contreras

Contreras is better – way better – than the catchers name dropped before him in this blog. He’s an extremely athletic All Star in his prime, and there is a very good chance that he’s still getting better. Contreras has always hit the ball hard but in 2020 hit the ball the hardest he ever has, and more importantly in his case is that his defense significantly improved last year too. Notoriously a terrible framer who was difficult for pitchers to work with throughout the early years of his career, he improved in 2019 then was straight up good in that department in 2020. He’s always been one of the toughest guys in the league to run on, but now he’s coming into his own as a complete defensive catcher.

Contreras isn’t perfect – he swings out of his cleats too often and has two recent seasons batting beneath .250 with good BABIP in each of those years. But if there is any catcher outside of JT Realmuto who could win an MVP over the next two years, it’s Contreras. Contreras isn’t quite as good as Realmuto was at the time of his trade to the Phillies, but it’s close enough in skillsets and their contracts were nearly identical to use that trade as the model here. The Marlins netted Sixto Sanchez in that deal, the Phillies top prospect who ranked as around the 20th best overall in baseball. So yeah, the Yankees would have to deal Deivi Garcia to get Contreras. I’m not positive that I’d want to do that, especially depending on what starting pitching moves the Yankees actually make this offseason, but I’m also definitely not positive that I wouldn’t want them to do that. It sure as hell would be exciting.

  • Jason Castro

Castro isn’t an all-around good player and this would be incredibly boring, but he’d be cheap and could contribute to basically replacing Gary. Castro is good defensively, walks a ton, and is a pure platoon player who mashes righties and is unplayable against lefties. He strikes out far too much and might not bat over .200, but we’ve sadly seen what that looks like anyway, and this time it would come cheaper and with improved defense.

  • Tyler Flowers

Flowers really quickly went from one of the most underrated players in the game (4.5 WAR in 2017) to a guy who will likely be offered not much more than the veteran minimum. Flowers is basically the godfather of pitch framing as the key player behind it growing from an art form into a legitimate statistic. He’s still good at it too, even though his 6’4” 260 lb frame is racing towards a total breakdown. His bat speed is rapidly slowing as evidenced by his scaling strikeout rate, but at least when Flowers does connect he still clobbers the ball. In this scenario, you’d want Kyle Higashioka catching 3/4 games regardless of opponent with Flowers giving him days of rest. If you liked Erik Kratz’s presence last year, then you’d love Flowers.

DON’T SEE IT / DON’T WANT IT – LIGHTNING ROUND

I’ll rattle off a bunch of names of players linked to the Yankees or those who fit the bill for team needs that I either can’t see happening or just don’t want us to do.

  • Trevor Bauer

Let’s start here, because it’s the most relevant and most noteworthy. Bauer, for as much of a lunatic as he is, is truly an awesome pitcher. He’s an ace who falls somewhere in the second tier of MLB starters, and they don’t hit the open market often. I know how many Yankee fans see a 1-2 rotation punch as the key to World Series ring #28 along the likes of Kershaw/Buehler and Scherzer/Strasburg and Sale/Price. But a couple of things on that note:

1. A championship team hasn’t had their top two starters on mega contracts at the same time since when? Johnson and Schilling? Even in a sport without a hard salary cap, I’m not sure you can commit $60+ million to two pitchers and expect to field a winning team.

2. Of the other pitchers in that second tier that I mentioned – like Strasburg and Buehler – there isn’t a pitcher as volatile as Bauer. His past four seasons have followed the pattern of meh/great/meh/great.

3. He still has to prove that his elbow is all the way back after Tommy John surgery, but Luis Severino is that SP2! How short term are our memories? He’s 26 with two Top 10 Cy Young finishes under his belt.

I also buy that Bauer actually will sign a one-year deal like he’s been hyping up, so that will probably run a team around $35 million. It would be fun, but I’d rather put that money towards building a complete team.

  • Francisco Lindor

Let’s get this one out of the way too, because so many Yankee fans are clamoring for Lindor and he likely will get traded this offseason. I’m not going to pretend like Lindor isn’t an amazing player right now, but I’m extremely out on trading for him and even out on signing him to a megadeal next offseason. We have seen Lindor’s potential; in 2018 he put up MVP numbers alongside a 7.6 WAR. I just think the other seasons that he has posted to date are more his game than that one season where he posted a 130 wRC+. I see Lindor as more of an above average hitter with an elite glove, which would make him an All Star but not a $250 million player. If you are signing Lindor to 8-10 years, that’s also quite the gamble on a player of his stature. A team might be paying the big bucks on those final years towards a slap hitter at a position where there aren’t a ton of guys over the age of 30 playing it well.

  • JT Realmuto

Best catcher in baseball, seems like a safe projection, just really can’t see the Yankees blowing most of their (hopefully) available money on a positional upgrade. If we’re talking mid 2000s George Steinbrenner days, then yeah I’d be screaming for Realmuto.

  • Marcus Semien

Some team might get a steal here with the rest of the league looking ahead to the 2022 free agent shortstop class. But it looks like I differ from the analytics community for the most part here in that I think Semien is more of the guy we saw in 2018 and 2020 than 2019. Still a solid player, but one I don’t need the Yankees investing in.

  • Ha-seong Kim and Tomoyuki Sugano

These two play different positions and are different nationalities, so I don’t mean any offense by looping them together. I only do so because I know nothing about them outside of written scouting reports. They both do play positions of need for the Yankees though (Kim SS, Sugano SP) so I want to at least address the possibility.

  • James Paxton

Big Maple probably caught too much heat in the Bronx – his 2019 was solid – but this just wasn’t a good fit. And Justus Sheffield impressed in his Seattle debut…ugh. He’ll sign a one-year deal somewhere, for his sake hopefully somewhere with low expectations for 2021 so he can get back on track and build up his value.

  • Michael Brantley

He really doesn’t fit into the Yankees picture much at all, but it was impossible to watch an Astros game over the last two years and not fantasize about Brantley’s lefty contact-always bat in our lineup. It’s hard to see the path where he’d want to play for the Yankees in a potentially part-time role in his final prime years, but I would celebrate this move.

  • Eddie Rosario

I’ve always liked Rosario more than the analytics do. He almost never walks and his defense isn’t too good – though he’s got a rocket of an arm – but the man just collects extra base hits and barely strikes out while doing it. He reminds me of a lefty outfielder Miguel Andujar, for the perspective of Yankee fans. I think he is the profile of a player that would capitalize on the Yankee Stadium dimensions, but like the rest of corner outfielders listed here, there isn’t much of a fit on these Yankees.

  • Kyle Schwarber

I think it’s nuts that Schwarber was non-tendered, but he was objectively bad in 2020 and I’ve touched on the Cubs cap situation already so the rationale is clear. Still, Schwarber is one of the select few guys who can realistically hit 50+ homers in a season as soon as next year. He barrels the ball with amazing regularity, and he improved his offensive numbers each year from 2017 through 2019 when he finished with an impressive .250/.339/.531 slash line. I really do think his 2020 was an unfortunate fluke for an otherwise incredibly talented hitter. The experiment in the outfield should come to an end, but I’d love to see a team like the Orioles bring him in as their full-time DH. It’s unfortunately near impossible to see how he slides into the Yankees lineup.

  • Joc Pederson

I actually would like this move, especially if the Yankees could buy low following Joc’s disappointing 2020 season. He’s just a good player, and at 28 he’s young to hit free agency. Joc wouldn’t necessarily need the help of the short porch with far how he hits the ball, but his lefty presence and much improved approach over the years in the Yankees lineup would be a great fit. (Though Statcast shows that he would have hit 5 extra homers in 2019 playing at Yankee Stadium.) He’s purely a corner outfielder already though, and if I were him I’d pick a National League team or an American League team where I at least had the option to DH. Also, if the Yankees are to sign a free agent corner outfielder, it would be…

  • Brett Gardner

Guys, I appreciate Gardner’s Yankees career too, but we HAVE to stop with this. How has the guy who split time as the centerfielder on the 2009 championship team with a career postseason slash line of freaking .214/.288/.286 become this much of a Yankees legend in some people’s eyes? I’ll contribute towards his Old Timers Day ovation, but we treat Gardy like he’s coasting towards number retirement. I know that his WAR has been deceptively good the past few years and that he’s an extremely tough at bat in terms of taking pitches, but we just have to aim to do better after a decade of this. Now that he’s deteriorating in the outfield and getting in the way of Clint Frazier’s playing time too, the time has come to move on from our short bald friend.

  • Taijuan Walker

Every offseason, there is at least one starting pitcher who hasn’t been good for the majority of his career but teams convince themselves that they can be the ones to change that after finding something underlying in his performance. This year Walker fits that bill, but I kinda feel the opposite about him. I think he’s actually less good than he led on with his 2.70 ERA in 2020. I’m sure teams might be excited by the cutter that he started throwing 3x as much in 2020 that has good movement, but I think that’s grasping at straws. He still is a fastball pitcher at the end of the day with a fastball that isn’t that fast or tight, and he has never reached 170 innings in a season. Pass.

  • Brad Hand

The weird thing about the Yankees bullpen is that they already have two of the very best lefty relievers in baseball in Aroldis Chapman and Zack Britton, but those two are entrenched in the final two innings of the game so there really isn’t a current southpaw option readily available from innings 5 through 7. There is no such thing as too much bullpen depth for Brian Cashman – which is really smart – and Hand is awesome and would theoretically fit in well. That said, it’s a bit hard to see him being cool with shifting from one of the game’s best closers to a mid-relief guy while making the same range of money. It’s unlikely but it would be cool, and I didn’t see Britton’s signing coming a couple of years ago for the exact reason so who knows?

  • Yadier Molina

Please GOD no. Just NO. Molina offers virtually zero offensive potential and his defense isn’t even THAT good anymore. He’s also just a pain in the ass that would be tough to tolerate outside of St. Louis, in case you didn’t catch onto that when he claimed not already receiving a one-year/$10 million offer this offseason as “ridiculous.” The Yankees have been linked to him, which terrifies me. And while I have you here, Yadier Molina is not a Hall of Famer.

  • Cesar Hernandez

He’s an extremely consistently solid second baseman who will likely get underpaid, but his ceiling is really low. Moving from DJ LeMahieu to Hernandez would be a really tough pill to swallow for Yankee fans.

  • James McCann

Ah, we have an interesting one here – and not just because the Mets are close to finalizing a deal with him. McCann is the rare “Tier 2” catcher who can be an everyday starter with All Star potential on a multi-year deal. If the Yankees were to trade Gary, then I’m sure McCann would be a heavily requested target by the fan base (if still on the market). But I’m skeptical, and while there are multiple reasons including an empty All Star Game appearance in 2019, the main reason is actually financial. I think McCann is in for a BIG overpay. Teams are going to see a chasm between McCann and the next catcher tier of Yadier Molina and Wilson Ramos, and there also will be reservations with committing over $100 million to JT Realmuto, so naturally the half-measure is to pick McCann around $40-50 million. There are reasons to really like McCann – age, limited wear and tear, good exit velocities, improved defense in 2020 – but there are also reasons to feel the opposite way. Pitch framing is a fickle skill, and while McCann’s metrics were good in 2020, he was horrendous behind the plate in the prior years. He was also a terrible player over 4 years in Detroit, and while a player deserves the benefit of the doubt for improving with a new team and genuinely improving over the course of his career, it’s scary to think about paying big money to McCann then getting the Tigers version.

  • Corey Kluber

I can think of more fun ways to light money on fire. Seriously, hell of a run for Klubot, but the guy was slowing down even before his chronic arms problems popped up. No way.

  • Garrett Richards

I’m already annoyed because I can really see the Yankees signing Richards. Every GM craves being the one to find the next Charlie Morton: the hard throwing veteran with god-like spin rates who never put it all together. Well, Morton was awesome for the Astros and Rays, but that was such a Cinderella story. The much more common outcomes here are that these pitchers remain pedestrian or injured with their arm action. Just let some other team do this.

  • Austin Hedges

The Tribe will almost certainly look to trade Hedges, who is in line to make $3 million as their backup catcher behind Robert Perez, who almost never misses a game. If he was a free agent I would have listed him as a good alternative option for the Yankees, but I wouldn’t exchange any assets for him. At 28, he’s young to be the savant level framer that he is, and he’s got some pop, but the truth of the matter is that he’s a horrendous hitter. The Padres got so fed up with his bat that they traded him away just to trade for another catcher. Let the Rays take on Hedges – it’s the most obvious move ever.

  • Sonny Gray

Some team is going to take advantage of the Reds looking between the couch cushions for change and trade for Gray, but it just can’t be the Yankees. I’d like to think more open-mindedly here when a pitcher as good as Gray has been from 2019-2020 is available, but that trade was one of the bigger whiffs of Brian Cashman’s career, even if we didn’t give up much to get Gray. And while I generally despise this narrative, I actually don’t think Sonny is cut out for the Big Apple.

  • Josh Bell and Jameson Taillon

A first baseman and a pitcher, but I’m looping them together here since it has been reported that the Yankees are interested in each of them. In Bell’s case, sure! I love his offensive upside – switch-hitter with 37 homers along with elite BB:K ratio in 2019 – and he should be available for dimes on the dollar after a terrible 2020. He is on the hook for $6 million for the Pirates in 2021 though, so it’s curious how he would slot in with Luke Voit at that cost. As for Taillon though, that’s a big “no thanks” from me. Look, I’m rooting for the guy too after going through testicular cancer and major arm surgery over the past couple of years. And when he was on the mound for the Pirates, he was the style of pitcher that I typically love. But every once in a while, we reserve the right to say “we’re the Yankees” to proposed moves like this, however that makes us sound. This is a really good and championship ready team, and a rotation spot shouldn’t be slotted to someone who has thrown 37.1 innings over the last two seasons. I hope I’m wrong on Taillon and he is ready sooner than I expect, but I see no reason why he shouldn’t reestablish his value in Pittsburgh before some team picks up the phone for him.

  • Matthew Boyd, Spencer Turnbull, Michael Fulmer

These are the Tigers top three starters heading into 2021, and they should each be available for a trade with multiple younger and better options coming up for Detroit. These guys each suck for their own unique reasons though. I could see the Yankees interested in Boyd given that he wouldn’t cost too much and that he did strike out 11.56 batters per 9 innings in 2019, but I am positive that dude would give up 3+ homers a game in Yankee Stadium.

  • Jon Gray and Antonio Senzatela

I already wrote in depth about how Kyle Freeland is my preference of the Rockies starters that might be available for trade. Gray is likely the most commonly projected option within Yankees circles though, given that he only has one year left on his contract and that he is the clear sabermetric favorite of the bunch. Gray posted WARs between 2.5-3.6 and FIPs between 3.18-4.06 each year from 2016-2019. But here’s my thing with Gray: I think he’s become overrated just by nature of baseball media writing for years that he’s underrated by playing in Coors Field. Gray has actually been better at Coors than road ballparks over the course of his career, and I’m pretty sure people think his stuff is better than it actually is being that he was a third overall pick and a major prospect. As for Senzatela, he’s young, offers 3 years of cheap control and is coming off a 2020 season with a 3.44 ERA over 12 starts, but I just don’t think he’s much good. As a heavy pitcher that throws a heavy ball, I actually think he’s the rare case of a starter that belongs at Coors Field.

  • JA Happ

LOL.

RECAP

Moves

+ DJ LeMahieu – 5/80 ($16 million luxury tax)

+ Masahiro Tanaka – 4/50 ($12.5 million luxury tax)

+ Joe Musgrove – 1/4 Arb ($4 million luxury tax)

+ Cole Tucker – Pre-Arb ($0.5 million luxury tax)

+ Kevin Kiermaier – 2/26 ($9 million luxury tax)

+ Austin Barnes – 1/1.5 Arb ($1.5 million luxury tax)

– Gary Sanchez – 1/6 Arb ($-6 million luxury tax)

– Luis Cessa – 1/1 ($-1 million luxury tax)

– Estevan Florial – Pre-Arb ($-0.5 million luxury tax)

– Albert Abreu – Pre-Arb ($-0.5 million luxury tax)

– Miguel Yajure – Pre-Arb ($-0.5 million luxury tax)

2021 Opening Day Lineup

1. DJ LeMahieu

2. Aaron Judge

3. Aaron Hicks

4. Giancarlo Stanton

5. Gleyber Torres

6. Luke Voit

7. Giovanny Urshela

8. Kevin Kiermaier

9. Austin Barnes/Kyle Higashioka

2021 Opening Day Rotation

1. Gerrit Cole

2. Masahiro Tanaka

3. Joe Musgrove

4. Jordan Montgomery

5. Deivi Garcia

Thanks if you read this far! I tweet about the Yankees a lot and other non-Yankees things a lot at @Real_Peej

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2020 NFL Mock Draft 3.0 – The “What I Think Will Happen” Version

Time for the final mock draft, and it’s the big one. Here is what I think will happen on the first night of the NFL Draft. Trades will obviously go down, but I’m keeping each team in their assigned spot. Read until the end for five specific trade scenarios that I’m calling my shot on.

I’m adding a fun wrinkle: using the below scoring system, I’m going to make a donation to COVID-19 Relief through DRAFT-A-THON for each pick that I hit in some capacity. I don’t anticipate I reach it but I’ll do this up to $50. Follow along, cheer against my wallet, and if you are feeling generous feel free to match!

$2 – Correct Pick Number

$2 – Correct Team

$5 – Correct Trade Prediction

2020_nfl_draft_logo_DL_3

  1. Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow, QB, LSU
  2. Washington Redskins – Chase Young, EDGE, Ohio State
  3. Detroit Lions – Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn
  4. New York Giants – Jedrick Wills, OT, Alabama
  5. Miami Dolphins – Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia
  6. Los Angeles Chargers – Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama
  7. Carolina Panthers – Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State
  8. Arizona Cardinals – Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa
  9. Jacksonville Jaguars – C.J. Henderson, CB, Florida
  10. Cleveland Browns – Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson
  11. New York Jets – CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma
  12. Las Vegas Raiders – Henry Ruggs III, WR, Alabama
  13. San Francisco 49ers – Javon Kinlaw, DT, South Carolina
  14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Mekhi Becton, OT, Louisville
  15. Denver Broncos – Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama
  16. Atlanta Falcons – Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU
  17. Dallas Cowboys – K’Lavon Chaisson, EDGE, LSU
  18. Miami Dolphins – Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon
  19. Las Vegas Raiders – A.J. Terrell, CB, Clemson
  20. Jacksonville Jaguars – D’Andre Swift, RB, Georgia
  21. Philadelphia Eagles – Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma
  22. Minnesota Vikings – A.J. Epenesa, EDGE, Iowa
  23. New England Patriots – Zack Baun, LB, Wisconsin
  24. New Orleans Saints – Patrick Queen, LB, LSU
  25. Minnesota Vikings – Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU
  26. Miami Dolphins – Cesar Ruiz, C, Michigan
  27. Seattle Seahawks – Josh Uche, EDGE, Michigan
  28. Baltimore Ravens – Tee Higgins, WR, Clemson
  29. Tennessee Titans – Isaiah Wilson, OT, Georgia
  30. Green Bay Packers – Brandon Aiyuk, WR, Arizona State
  31. San Francisco 49ers – Josh Jones, OT, Houston
  32. Kansas City Chiefs – Yetur Gross-Matos, EDGE, Penn State

 

TRADE SCENARIOS

  1. Chargers trade up for Tua Tagovailoa

(Best Guess: LAC receives Pick 1/3; DET receives Picks 1/6, 3/71 and 2021 1st Round Pick)

  1. Falcons trade up for C.J. Henderson

(Best Guess: ATL receives Pick 1/9; JAX receives Picks 1/16, 2/47, and 2021 2nd Round Pick)

  1. Saints trade up for Isaiah Simmons

(Best Guess: NO receives Pick 1/10; CLE receives Picks 1/24, 3/88, and 2021 1st Round Pick)

  1. Eagles trade up for Jerry Jeudy

(Best Guess: PHI receives Pick 1/13; SF receives Picks 1/21, 2/53, and 4/127)

  1. Colts trade up for Jordan Love

(Best Guess: IND receives Pick 1/32; KC receives Picks 2/34 and 4/122)

 

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Top 50 Board

The “What I Would Do” Mock Draft

 

Follow along during the draft on Twitter @Real_Peej for instant analysis, pick grades, and the occasional pro comparison!

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2020 NFL Mock Draft 2.0 – The “What I Would Do” Version

Simple concept: I’m playing GM for all 26 teams drafting in the first round. I’d like to predict trades on trades, but for the sake of not turning this exercise into a total mess I’m only mocking one big trade in the Top 5.

tua

  1. Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow, QB, LSU
  2. TRADE* Miami Dolphins – Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama
  3. Detroit Lions – Chase Young, EDGE, Ohio State
  4. New York Giants – Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson
  5. TRADE* Washington Redskins – Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State
  6. Los Angeles Chargers – Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia
  7. Carolina Panthers – Javon Kinlaw, DT, South Carolina
  8. Arizona Cardinals – Jedrick Wills, OT, Alabama
  9. Jacksonville Jaguars – CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma
  10. Cleveland Browns – Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa
  11. New York Jets – Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama
  12. Las Vegas Raiders – A.J. Terrell, CB, Clemson
  13. San Francisco 49ers – Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn
  14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Antoine Winfield Jr., S, Minnesota
  15. Denver Broncos – Henry Ruggs III, WR, Alabama
  16. Atlanta Falcons – C.J. Henderson, CB, Florida
  17. Dallas Cowboys – Kristian Fulton, CB, LSU
  18. Miami Dolphins – Cesar Ruiz, C, Michigan
  19. Las Vegas Raiders – Brandon Aiyuk, WR, Arizona State
  20. Jacksonville Jaguars – Xavier McKinney, S, Alabama
  21. Philadelphia Eagles – Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU
  22. Minnesota Vikings – A.J. Epenesa, EDGE, Iowa
  23. New England Patriots – Zack Baun, LB, Wisconsin
  24. New Orleans Saints – Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma
  25. Minnesota Vikings – Michael Pittman Jr., WR, USC
  26. TRADE* Washington Redskins – Josh Jones, OT, Houston
  27. Seattle Seahawks – Trevon Diggs, CB, Alabama
  28. Baltimore Ravens – Mehki Becton, OT, Louisville
  29. Tennessee Titans – Marlon Davidson, DT, Auburn
  30. Green Bay Packers – Tee Higgins, WR, Clemson
  31. San Francisco 49ers – Laviska Shenault Jr., WR, Colorado
  32. Kansas City Chiefs – Josh Uche, EDGE, Michigan
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2020 NFL Draft – Top 50 Board

joe burrow

  1. Joe Burrow, QB, LSU
  2. Chase Young, EDGE, Ohio State
  3. Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson
  4. Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State
  5. CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma
  6. Javon Kinlaw, DT, South Carolina
  7. Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama
  8. Jedrick Wills, OT, Alabama
  9. Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia
  10. Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa
  11. Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama
  12. Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn
  13. Antoine Winfield Jr., S, Minnesota
  14. Brandon Aiyuk, WR, Arizona State
  15. Henry Ruggs III, WR, Alabama
  16. A.J. Terrell, CB, Clemson
  17. A.J. Epenesa, EDGE, Iowa
  18. Kristian Fulton, CB, LSU
  19. Cesar Ruiz, C, Michigan
  20. Zack Baun, LB, Wisconsin
  21. Michael Pittman Jr., WR, USC
  22. Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU
  23. Xavier McKinney, S, Alabama
  24. Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma
  25. Tee Higgins, WR, Clemson
  26. Trevon Diggs, CB, Alabama
  27. Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB, LSU
  28. Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon
  29. K’Lavon Chaisson, EDGE, LSU
  30. C.J. Henderson, CB, Florida
  31. Laviska Shenault Jr., WR, Colorado
  32. Josh Uche, EDGE, Michigan
  33. Grant Delpit, S, LSU
  34. Jonathan Taylor, RB, Wisconsin
  35. KJ Hamler, WR, Penn State
  36. Josh Jones, OT, Houston
  37. Marlon Davidson, DT, Auburn
  38. Yetur Gross-Matos, EDGE, Penn State
  39. Jordan Elliott, DT, Missouri
  40. Mekhi Bechton, OT, Louisville
  41. Raekwon Davis, DT, Alabama
  42. J.K. Dobbins, RB, Ohio State
  43. Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU
  44. Patrick Queen, LB, LSU
  45. D’Andre Swift, RB, Georgia
  46. Jalen Reagor, WR, TCU
  47. Jaylon Johnson, CB, Utah
  48. Justin Madubuike, DT, Texas A&M
  49. Isaiah Wilson, OT, Georgia
  50. Denzel Mims, WR, Baylor
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2020 NFL Mock Draft, Because I Couldn’t Find One Anywhere Online

I’ve always been hooked on the NFL Draft, but with the current pandemic situation, let’s just say that my attention towards it has multiplied by about 19 times. I don’t pretend to be a scout or watch a ton of college football, but I do my research and like to think that I know quite a bit about NFL rosters. I also think a lot of experts who do this kind of stuff year-round can get lost in the process, so I like to keep it simple:

  1. College Production
  2. NFL Fit
  3. Athleticism

That’s basically it, with a quick blurb for each pick included. I’m not exactly trying to snipe what will happen on draft night, more so a mix of what I think could and should happen.

simmons

  1. Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow, QB, LSU

A dream scenario for the Bengals. No need to expand upon this; Burrow is the best QB prospect in years and this pick is 100% going to happen. I will say…the Bengals might not suck next season. They shouldn’t make the playoffs or anything, but I’d expect way better than 2-14 after Burrow puts the cherry on top of a good offseason.

  1. Miami Dolphins – Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama

(TRADE: Miami receives Pick 1/2, Washington receives Picks 1/5, 1/18, 2021 First Round Pick from Houston) 

BLOCKBUSTER! This is what Miami has been stocking up for with their roster teardown, and the Redskins get their first round picks back from the RG3 trade all these years later. This might seem insane from Miami’s perspective, and it definitely could be, but history tell us this is about what it would take to move up these three picks. And that is before you consider that Washington would be saying goodbye to Chase Young and the Dolphins would be landing a prospect who would be QB1 in most years. The best the Chargers can do to move up for Tua is likely the third pick, so Miami does what they need to do to land him.

I’m not as wild about Tua as most. The scary injury history speaks for itself, and I have doubts about how he’ll hold up without surroundings as cushy as Alabama’s were for him. With that, I see some Matt Leinart here. But at the same time, he has accuracy you can’t teach and exudes inspiration and confidence, so I don’t fault a struggling team like Miami one bit who see him as the guy who’s going to turn everything around.

  1. Detroit Lions – Chase Young, EDGE, Ohio State 

Home run pick for the Lions, landing the top player on most boards who also fits perfectly into this defense and fills a big need. Let’s just hope that Young only has to spend one year under Matt Patricia.

  1. New York Giants – Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson

I’ll go a bit longer here, because I imagine a lot of people reading this care as much about the Giants as the person writing it. This pick is also one of the hardest to peg and will set the course for the rest of the first round. My gut is that the Giants are leaning Simmons, and I would be absolutely ecstatic with the selection. He’s a unicorn of a prospect with some of the most impressive college tape you will ever see. The Giants struggled on both sides of the ball last year, but defense was the bigger liability. Despite already spending big on defense in free agency, there is nobody with even close to the star power that Simmons would immediately bring. He would make everyone around him better while singlehandedly patching up a lot of the team weaknesses. It’s a poorly kept secret that Dave Gettleman’s seat is on fire, and if he thinks that Simmons is the best play towards fielding a competitive team in 2020 and thereby saving his job, I wouldn’t blame him.

Although I’m rooting for the Giants to take Simmons and don’t see any way for this team to truly contend in 2020, I do think the best course towards a playoff push next season would drafting a right tackle. If the Giants committed to the 2016 Dallas model of playing defense through controlling the ball and clock on offense with Jason Garrett calling the shots, then I could see a best-case scenario where this team goes 9-7 or 10-6. That would require a major upgrade on the offensive line though, where the Giants currently have one of the worst tackle situations in the league. This draft class is excellent at the position, including two stud right tackles near the top of big boards in Jedrick Wills and Tristan Wirfs. I think Wirfs makes a ton of sense, given that he could plug and play on the right side next year, then smoothly slide over to the blindside once Nate Solder is finally sent out to pasture. Gettleman is definitely drooling over his combine performance and workout videos too. But for all of the talk of “hog mollies,” guess how many offensive linemen Gettleman has drafted with his nine first round picks in his time as a GM? That would be zero. And while a lot of Giants fans see the Cam Fleming signing as a depth move, we thought the same thing about Mike Remmers last year, and then he went on to start 14 games at right tackle. I’m sure the Giants will do their best to make an outrageous selection at the top of the draft for the third year in a row, but I do feel good about Simmons being their guy.

  1. Washington Redskins – Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama

(Via Miami)

Not only do the Redskins pick up two extra first rounders in this hypothetical trade down, they now can address a much greater need than they would have by taking Chase Young. This pick has to be on offense, where the Skins just have a total dearth of skill and need to put more effort into either validating or moving on from Dwayne Haskins. Jerry Jeudy dominates in space and would play to Haskins’ strength of getting the ball out quickly, and he would form arguably the league’s best young receiver duo with Terry McLaurin. This pick could absolutely be a left tackle since Trent Williams will never suit up for them again, but with 4-5 top tier tackles on the board and only 2-3 top tier receivers, Washington can address that position with their newly acquired first rounder later.

  1. Los Angeles Chargers – Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa 

The Chargers have had an excellent offseason and now have a roster that’s pretty elite in terms of overall talent. Their only big holes are at left tackle and quarterback, and at least 95% of mock drafts have them going QB with this pick. But with their ready-to-win roster, I think there’s a better chance than advertised that the Bolts address QB in free agency – likely Cam Newton – as opposed to drafting Justin Herbert…in this spot. I have major doubts that Herbert would come out of the gate hot, and that’s without even considering how weird this offseason will be for rookies in light of COVID-19. They also have no fan support at the moment and a brand-new stadium to fill, which is another reason to go the household name route for the short term. With Cam and Wirfs, who could step right into the blindside and has the versality to move around the line in the event of injury as well, this team could be drafting in the Bottom 6 instead of the Top 6 in the 2021 Draft.

  1. Carolina Panthers – Derrick Brown, DL, Auburn 

This pick needs to be on defense, where the Panthers are set up to have arguably the league’s worst unit. They need help at every level, and Jeff Okudah could certainly be the guy here, but I see them taking Brown. He is absurdly strong and pops on tape even from the defensive interior – just watch his highlights from the Iron Bowl. Despite playing a less valuable position than cornerback and a rough Combine showing, Brown could go a long way in cleaning up Carolina’s god-awful run defense while still pushing the pocket. Matt Rhule is definitely smitten by him too.

  1. Las Vegas Raiders – Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State

(TRADE: Las Vegas receives Pick 1/8, Arizona receives Picks 1/12, 3/81, 2021 Second Round Pick) 

ANOTHER TRADE! Jeff Okudah is one of the best cornerback prospects in years; there are really no holes in his game. If he does make it past Carolina at 7, Mike Mayock and Jon Gruden will be licking their lips. The Raiders have been active this offseason to address their defense, bringing in at least four new starters. But their cornerbacks are still terrible, and it’s becoming less and less possible to contend without production from that position. With another first round pick in this draft, Las Vegas (that’s weird to type) is in a position to be aggressive here, while Arizona with just 6 total picks – including none in the second round – could be looking to pick up extra draft capital after the DeAndre Hopkins robbery trade.

  1. Jacksonville Jaguars – Javon Kinlaw, DL, South Carolina

Kinlaw is a classic NFL Draft case study. He has freakish measurables and was the single biggest standout from the Senior Bowl, and only then did we start to acknowledge that he also happened to be an AP First Team All-American playing in the SEC. He checks all of the boxes, and as an interior player who can pressure the quarterback at a similar rate to good edge rushers, multiple teams will view him as their version of Chris Jones or DeForest Buckner. (I’m fairly sure a big reason the Colts traded for Buckner is because they knew they couldn’t get Kinlaw at Pick 13.) The Jags definitely could be the worst team in football in 2020, so they have to be thinking total rebuild with this pick. Pairing Kinlaw with Josh Allen is a good place to start.

  1. Cleveland Browns – Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia 

Andrew Thomas is a prime example of why I hate draft season sometimes. He was a high school All-American with extraordinary length, started for three years at Georgia with improvement each season, was the highest graded Power-5 tackle at PFF in 2019, and then had a great showing at the Combine. At his size he posted the fourth best 3 Cone Drill time among all offensive linemen, which if you ask me should be a bigger deal than Mekhi Bechton running a 5.1 40. And yet, you commonly see Thomas as the fourth tackle on big boards and in mocks. I swear, the logic is “we know Thomas is going to be a 5 Pro Bowl type of player, but we’d rather roll the dice on a 10 Pro Bowl type of player!” Well, not in my mock. With this pick, Baker Mayfield would have a strong supporting cast on all levels of the offense and could only point fingers at himself if they struggle again in 2020.

  1. Philadelphia Eagles – CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma

(TRADE: Philadelphia receives Picks 1/11 and 3/68, New York Jets receive Pick 1/21, 2021 First Round Pick, and Alshon Jeffrey) 

LET’S GET NUTS. The Eagles push their chips into the middle of the table to grab the superstar out of Oklahoma, whose explosiveness you almost have to see to believe. Philly’s receiving corps might be the single greatest roster flaw among contenders across the league; it’s a certainty that they address it early in this draft. Yes, this draft is absurdly deep at receiver, but Lamb is on another level as whomever the Eagles could draft at Pick 21. The price is steep, but this is likely around what it would take to move up 10 spots in the first round to grab a player of Lamb’s caliber. The Eagles also pick up the high third round pick that the Jets stole from the Giants in the Leonard Williams trade, and the plug is pulled on the suddenly sour relationship with Alshon Jeffrey. Moving Alshon would place a financial burden on the Eagles for 2020, but as Howie Roseman’s creative accounting has started to catch up with him, ripping off the Band-Aid of his contract and replacing it with Lamb on a rookie deal would give Philly some much needed flexibility for 2021 and beyond.

As for Jets fans – and Sam Darnold – I know this would suck. The Jets could badly use Lamb or Jedrick Wills in this spot. But the lack of talent on that roster is just so palpable that they couldn’t turn down an additional first rounder. And without owing Alshon any guaranteed money by picking him up via trade, it’s a low-risk move for a guy who if healthy would absolutely be the best target that Sam Darnold has had in New York.

  1. Arizona Cardinals – Jedrick Wills, OT, Alabama

(Via Las Vegas) 

Talk about a win for the Cardinals. They pick up two extra good picks and still land the guy who they probably would have taken in their original slot. Wills and his mobility would be an ideal fit in Kliff Kingsbury’s up-tempo offense. I think Kyler Murray has more left to prove than most, but if he does take the next step with Wills anchoring the right side of the line, this offense could be tough to stop.

  1. Denver Broncos – Henry Ruggs, WR, Alabama

(TRADE: Denver receives Pick 1/13, San Francisco receives Picks 1/15 and 3/77) 

The above trades are mostly pipe dreams, but I could really see this one playing out. Henry Ruggs to Denver is probably the most commonly mocked pick outside of Joe Burrow to the Bengals, but I’m not confident that Ruggs and his 4.27 speed make it to Pick 15. The Broncos desperately need to bring in another receiver across from Courtland Sutton, and that offense could use an infusion of speed too. Denver has three third round picks in this draft, so they are willing to depart with their top one to get the fourth Crimson Tide offensive player off the board.

As for the 49ers, while they could definitely take Ruggs themselves in this spot, they currently have no picks between Rounds 2-4, so this is a fairly easy decision to move back only two spots.

  1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Mekhi Bechton, OT, Louisville 

While I think it’s ridiculous that Bechton in reality will likely go ahead of at least one player from the Wirfs/Thomas/Wills trio, you can’t teach 6’7” and 364 pounds with his athleticism. With Tampa’s need for an upgrade at right tackle, this is the furthest that Bechton would fall. He is viewed as a work in progress at his natural left tackle position, so Bucs fans should temper expectations in this event that he’s drafted to immediately hold down the right side. Still, with the combination of his sheer size and Tom Brady’s quick release, this would be an ideal destination for Bechton.

  1. San Francisco 49ers – Cesar Ruiz, C/OG, Michigan

(Via Denver) 

While this wouldn’t be the sexiest of picks, one of the few areas of the Niners roster where they could stand to improve is the interior of the offensive line. Their guards stink and center Weston Richburg is coming off a serious injury, so the versatile Ruiz would start somewhere from day one and would insert nicely into Kyle Shanahan’s zone-heavy offense. In theory it would make more sense for San Fran to address this position with their later first round pick, but Ruiz is the clear top player in a weak interior offensive linemen class, so he might not be available at Pick 31.

  1. Atlanta Falcons – CJ Henderson, CB, Florida 

If Henderson is still available for the Falcons, then you can write this pick in Sharpie. Atlanta’s current cornerback situation is abysmal, and Henderson is insanely athletic and plays with a ton of physicality. Totally perfect fit for a Dan Quinn defense.

  1. Dallas Cowboys – K’Lavon Chaisson, EDGE, LSU 

The Cowboys could address a few different positions on defense with this pick, so I’ll roll with the guy who would likely be the top player on a lot of teams’ boards at this point. Personally I’m skeptical of the raw, bendy edge rusher types like Chaisson, and I think he’d be a better fit in a 3-4 base defense. Still, his athleticism is indisputable and he finished the season really strong. Dallas needs someone opposite DeMarcus Lawrence now that Robert Quinn is gone, and let’s just say that I don’t think Aldon Smith is the answer.

  1. Washington Redskins – Josh Jones, OT, Houston

(Via Miami) 

Redskins fans haven’t had a lot to cheer about this century, but a draft class led by Jerry Jeudy and Josh Jones would be one of those things. Jones might not be the specimen that the offensive tackles ahead of him in this mock are, but he was the highest graded tackle at PFF in 2019 and erased any concerns of the level of competition that he faced at Houston with a dominant performance at the Senior Bowl.

  1. Los Angeles Chargers – Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon

(TRADE: Los Angeles receives Pick 1/19, Las Vegas receives Picks 2/37, 3/71 and 2021 Second Round Pick) 

Despite everything I wrote earlier about how I think the Chargers could pass on Herbert at Pick 6 and sign a veteran QB, they make a play to get back into the first round in front of Jacksonville after watching the kid tumble! Even if LA does sign someone like Cam, that should by no means stop them from addressing QB in this draft. Herbert would be stepping into an extremely talented offense with no expectations to immediately start in this scenario, which would be perfect given his failure to rise to the occasion in some big games at Oregon and all of the reports on his apparent lack of edge.

As for the Raiders, they scoop back up a third rounder in this draft and a 2021 second rounder after trading them away in the hypothetical Okudah trade. And at Pick 37, the caliber of wide receiver that they’d likely take wouldn’t be much different than whomever they would have targeted here.

  1. Jacksonville Jaguars – Jordan Love, QB, Utah State 

Now, would I make this pick as the GM of the Jaguars? Absolutely not, despite the fact that nobody would be feeling confident about Gardner Minshew as a Week 1 starter if he was a normal looking guy with a cleanly shaven face. While I do endorse the strategy of bringing in QBs via the draft until you find your guy – hence this mock draft placement – I certainly do not endorse using first round picks on deeply flawed and largely unproductive prospects, regardless of how much more valuable quarterback is than any other position. Love is toolsy and started to earn first round chatter after his sophomore season, but he couldn’t take care of the ball or consistently find his receivers in the Mountain West Conference. The logical best-case projection here is Josh Allen (Bills QB). That should give you pause when Allen is the best possible outcome, but regardless of your thoughts on Allen – mine aren’t high – just about anyone would take him with the 20th overall pick in a draft today.

  1. New York Jets – Kristian Fulton, CB, LSU

(Via Philadelphia) 

There are so many different directions the Jets could go with this pick. EDGE and offensive tackle are more glaring needs (and wide receiver in reality, but they addressed that with the Alshon Jeffrey trade in this mock), but there isn’t necessarily anyone on the board at those positions who would justify a selection here. The Jets roll with Fulton instead, the battle-tested senior cornerback from LSU. The tier of cornerbacks after Jeff Okudah is deep, and Fulton isn’t recognized as the most athletic of that bunch. But his production in the SEC was off the charts, and concerns regarding his athleticism are a bit unfounded in my opinion. He was a five-star high school recruit and he performed well at the Combine in every drill outside of the 20 Yard Shuttle. For how much of a revolving door the cornerback position has been for the Jets since Darrelle Revis’ departure, they could use someone with Fulton’s stability.

  1. Minnesota Vikings – Tee Higgins, WR, Clemson 

The Vikings roster has pretty quietly taken a beating this offseason, but with two of the next four picks, they should be able to quickly rebound and remain competitive in 2020. They aren’t fooling anyone with Tajae Sharpe currently listed as WR2 on their depth chart, so the first of their two picks is spent on Higgins. There are plenty of good receivers still on the board for Minnesota to choose from here, but Higgins is the best fit for their style of offense and has become an overlooked prospect in my opinion. With his 6’4” frame and excellent catch radius, Vikings fans wouldn’t be longing for Stefon Diggs’ contested catch ability with Higgins taking his place.

  1. New England Patriots – AJ Epenesa, DL, Iowa 

This is simultaneously one of my favorite and more frustrating picks of this mock, because in a couple of years we’ll all be like, “why did we let Bill Belichick get this guy at the back of the first round?” Epenesa is a monster who physically stood out even in the Big 10. He opened draft season as a consistent Top 10 pick with well-known speed concerns, and yet we have all overreacted to his slow showing at the Combine. I’m of the outspoken opinion that the Pats are going to suck next year and might be tanking before our eyes. I’d be really shocked if they draft a quarterback in the first round – Belichick certainly isn’t going to trade up – so I have them taking the best player available. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Epenesa could become New England’s next Richard Seymour.

  1. New Orleans Saints – Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU 

What do you draft when you have everything? The Saints are somehow running back another revamped roster for what feels like the fifth season in a row, and it’s really tough to find any areas of weakness. I suppose they could look to trade back or an argument could be made for off-ball linebacker, but I have them keeping the bendy slot receiver out of LSU in state. The Saints simply have to be doing everything they can at this point to beef up the offense as much as possible for Drew Brees, and Jefferson would be a unique weapon. I know they already signed Emmanuel Sanders, but he’s a constant health risk and is probably in decline anyways.

  1. Minnesota Vikings – Jaylon Johnson, CB, Utah 

Now that the Vikings have addressed receiver, the other area where they need an immediate rookie impact is cornerback. Jaylon Johnson has the experience and instincts to step into a starting role right away, and Mike Zimmer would love his physicality.

  1. Miami Dolphins – Xavier McKinney, S, Alabama 

Despite their spending spree this offseason, the Dolphins could still use help at just about every position. The priority should be offensive line, especially if they draft Tua. Ereck Flowers is the most high profile player currently on their line, which tells you all that you need to know. Still, there aren’t any offensive linemen on the board I’m comfortable mocking to Miami this early, and they have plenty of picks later in the draft to address it. So I have them taking the Swiss Army Knife out of Alabama, who ironically enough for the Dolphins profiles similarly to Minkah Fitzpatrick. With a pair of stud corners in Byron Jones and Xavien Howard already locked up long term, Brian Flores could look to build his team through secondary like the Patriots have done recently.

  1. Seattle Seahawks – Bryce Hall, CB, Virginia 

The Seahawks are the least predictable drafters in the league so this is a fool’s errand, but I’ll try my best. They could use help on the offensive line, but that’s been the case for Seattle for years and they never seem to take it too seriously in the draft. They could use another pass rusher too, but I’d guess they solve that by bringing back Jadaveon Clowney or another veteran free agent. While Seattle has already traded for Quinton Dunbar this offseason, Pete Carroll prioritizes the secondary and they could use depth at cornerback. Bryce Hall was on his way to being a first round pick in last year’s draft, but then he returned for his senior year and seriously injured his ankle. He should be fully recovered by the preseason, and a potentially delayed start to the season would be beneficial for Hall. You don’t find him ranked highly on big boards or some Top 50 lists altogether, but Hall is long, physical and built for a zone-heavy scheme like Seattle’s.

  1. Baltimore Ravens – Zack Baun, LB, Wisconsin 

The Ravens front office is as good as it gets, so they find themselves in a situation where the roster doesn’t have many gaps and yet they still have three picks within the first two rounds. Part of the reason the Ravens are so good year after year is that they emphasize versatility and find value where other teams don’t. Zack Baun isn’t exactly a diamond in the rough after his huge senior year at Wisconsin and a Top 20 draft grade on NFL.com, but most teams would overlook him in this spot for a more traditional linebacker on the board like Patrick Queen or Kenneth Murray. But I’d bet the Ravens roll with Baun, who could predominately play off-ball as a rookie but still occasionally rush off the edge. The only proven edge rusher on Baltimore is Matthew Judon and he’s on the franchise tag, so this could be a two-birds-one-stone pick.

  1. Indianapolis Colts – Patrick Queen, LB, LSU

(TRADE: Indianapolis receives Picks 1/29 and 7/224, Tennessee receives Picks 2/34, 4/122 and 2021 Third Round Pick) 

The Colts have been extremely aggressive this offseason, signing Philip Rivers to a one-year deal and trading their first round pick for DeForest Buckner then signing him to a long-term extension. Chris Ballard doesn’t stop there, as he trades back into the first round to stop the unexpected slide of the sideline-to-sideline linebacker out of LSU. Queen is undersized and a bit unproven, and Indy doesn’t necessarily have a need at linebacker, but this value is too good to pass up. Queen has rare speed for a linebacker and has good instincts to go along with it. You don’t see three linebackers on the field at once as much as you used to, but the trio of Darius Leonard/Bobby Okereke/Queen is athletic enough to hold their own over the middle of the field with Malik Hooker as the single-high safety. A simple trade value chart will tell you that the Colts are overpaying in this scenario, but there are three teams between Picks 30-33 with glaring needs at inside linebacker, and Ballard understands the value of the fifth-year option on first rounders as well as anyone. This version of the Colts defense could be great.

As for the Titans, I doubt they want to move out of the first round – let alone to allow their division rivals to sneak in – but they have only four picks in the Top 6 rounds this year. Picking up two solid picks to move back five spots is a good haul. I also figure they’re seeking a cornerback with their first selection, and a good one should still be available at the top of the second round.

  1. Green Bay Packers – Brandon Aiyuk, WR, Arizona State 

It’s definitely possible that the Packers could go defense with this pick, especially with memories of getting gashed by the 49ers rushing attack in the NFC Championship Game fresh in mind. Kenneth Murray or Justin Madubuike would make a lot of sense. Still, this is my mock draft, and I will not allow the Packers to go into another season with some bum WR2. Aaron Rodgers isn’t getting any younger, so no more of Geronimo Allison, Marquez Valdes-Scantling, Equanimeous St. Brown, or Allen Lazard. Green Bay needs someone who can step in and immediately become the home run hitter of the offense. Aiyuk was a YAC machine at Arizona State, posting an absurd 18.3 yards per reception. For as deep as this receiver class is, they are going to fly off the board in the second round, so the Packers get their guy here.

  1. San Francisco 49ers – Grant Delpit, S, LSU 

Kyle Shanahan got the 49ers first pick on his side of the ball, so now Robert Saleh gets his. Grant Delpit’s pedigree suggests that he should go much higher than Pick 31, being a two-time All-American and the leader of a National Championship-winning defense. But his 2019 was filled with nagging injuries and missed tackles, so he now finds himself as a borderline first rounder. John Lynch and Co. are smart enough to scoop him up here, despite Delpit being a true free safety when the 49ers just locked up Jimmie Ward at the position. Still, Delpit (and Ward for that matter) is versatile and talented enough to find his way onto the field. His ball skills and playmaking ability are second to none among defensive backs in this class, so he should thrive in a defense with Nick Bosa terrorizing quarterbacks.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs – Jonathan Taylor, RB, Wisconsin 

For being the defending Super Bowl champs, the Chiefs roster really isn’t well rounded at all. They have major concerns at the following positions: guard, center, edge rusher, linebacker, and cornerback. Package that with a current path towards their salary cap being in the red, and Brett Veach has his work cut out for him. But you know what? Kansas City had most of these roster issues last year too and still won it all, which speaks to what Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are capable of together. So I say, screw it. The Chiefs are unlikely to land a major impact rookie at one of those positions listed above, and they still have Mahomes on the books for about 10% of what he’s actually worth. Upgrade at running back and try to score 40 points per game in the immediate future. I’m riding shotgun in the “running backs don’t matter” car – notice how I haven’t mentioned one until now despite this being a pretty good class. But Jonathan Taylor is incredible, and I seriously cannot believe that traditional draft experts aren’t gushing about him more. He averaged over 2,000 yards per season over three years at Wisconsin, and then he went out and ran the fastest 40 among running backs at the Combine. And speed isn’t even really his game! Andy Reid deceptively likes to run the ball a lot, and he’s smart enough to avoid second contracts for running backs. With Taylor under control for five years, Reid would run him into the ground and maybe into another Super Bowl or two along the way.

 

 

Don’t like who I mocked for your team? Any other thoughts? Let me know on Twitter @Real_Peej

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My Top 51 Movies of the 2010s

For the first 21-22 years of my life, I liked movies in the same way that 98% of the population likes movies. There were certain blockbusters that I’d make sure to see in theaters on opening weekend, I’d try to catch a few of the Oscars contenders in theaters too, and I’d watch The Shawshank Redemption on TNT a few times a year.

Without sounding melodramatic or self-serious or whatever, movies began to take on more importance in my life when I graduated from college in 2015. Like most fresh postgrads, I wasn’t fully prepared to live alone without any provided structure, and this was compounded with a job I didn’t like and a home with four roommates I hadn’t previously known. I wasn’t struggling – seriously, no need to retroactively check in. I was just mostly bored and feeling creatively weighed down at such a young age.

Movies – with major ups to MoviePass and AMC Stubs – became an outlet to me in so many ways, especially as someone who doesn’t read books and doesn’t understand traditional art in any meaningful way. I started going to theaters on a weekly basis. I sought out movies with small budgets and movies that I normally would not have identified as my type. I started reading and listening to criticism from different perspectives and tried my best to pay it forward with criticism of my own. Each theater experience for me became simultaneously exciting and challenging and therapeutic, and looking back on my progression as a moviegoer from 2015 to 2020 is something I am legitimately proud of.

I tell you all of this because it prefaces a blog that you can find 1,000 variations of elsewhere on the Internet, yet it’s a blog that I am pumped to share. All 51 of these films, and the 21 Honorable Mentions, received an A or A+ grade by The PJ Scale ™. (This list started at 50 and then I saw a movie that cracked the list as I was writing, and I didn’t feel like deleting something I already wrote.)

A+       9.8-10

A         9.3-9.7

A-        8.8-9.2

B+       8.3-8.7

B         7.8-8.2

B-        7.3-7.7

C+       6.8-7.2

C         6.3-6.7

C-        5.8-6.2

D+       5.2-5.7

D         4.7-5.2

D-        4.1-4.6

F          0.0-4.0

Important caveats are that I missed a lot of movies that you might find on other similar lists, and my list is also skewed towards the latter half of the decade since I probably saw 5x as many movies during that time. So here it is, with a quick blurb for each selection and some favorite scenes along the way. (Probably goes without saying, but MAJOR spoiler potential.)

I SUCK FOR MISSING (2010-2018): 12 Years a Slave, 50/50, Black Swan, Contagion, Easy A, End of Watch, Frances Ha, Good Time, The Hate U Give, Her, How To Train Your Dragon Franchise, Inside Llewyn Davis, It, It Follows, Kick-Ass, John Wick Franchise, The Lobster, Magic Mike, Magic Mike XXL, The Master, Molly’s Game, Rush, Selma, Skyfall, The Town, The Tree of Life, Under the Skin, Warrior

SOON TO SEE (2019): Booksmart, Dark Waters, High Life, Jojo Rabbit, The Lighthouse, Little Women, Rocketman

 

 

51. CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLIDER (2014)

Directed by The Russo Brothers

A Soviet-era spy movie that comes out of NOWHERE, The Winter Soldier changed how we thought about Cap and the Marvel Cinematic Universe altogether. Keep in mind; this movie was released immediately following Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World in the MCU. It had no business being this cool.

50. KNIVES OUT (2019)

Directed by Rian Johnson

Nothing about this whodunit fits the typical structure of the genre. You find out who committed the murder and how it happened in the first act. The A-listers are all in supporting roles around newcomer Ana de Armas. And yet, it totally works. It has more to say than you might expect – or care to hear depending on your Rian Johnson thoughts – but its calling card is being one of the most flat-out fun movies of the decade.

49. FRUITVALE STATION (2013)

Directed by Ryan Coogler

The absolutely GUTWRENCHING true story of the 2009 murder of Oscar Grant, Ryan Coogler’s feature debut gets a performance out of Michael B. Jordan that he still hasn’t touched since. This was the first collaboration between Coogler and Jordan – and all three are included in this blog in some capacity – and it remains the most emotionally affecting of the bunch.

48. CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE (2011)

Directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa

There isn’t another movie on this list that has more working against it. Robbie is one of the worst characters of this decade in film, the storyline with the babysitter was immediately problematic, and the movie asks you to suspend A LOT of disbelief for how much Steve Carell pulls. But I can’t deny how much I love this movie. The twists are amazing, and every Gosling/Stone scene is rom-com gold. DAVID LINDHAGEN!

47. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI (2017)

Directed by Martin McDonagh

Shocking, controversial, and somehow still hilarious, Three Billboards is an absolute tornado of an experience. A lot of people were turned off by it, but I was sure as hell not one of them. It constantly verges on falling apart with its countless “what the hell did I just watch” moments, but Frances McDormand and Sam Rockwell keep it on track with their Oscar-winning performances.

46. TRUE GRIT (2010)

Directed by The Coen Brothers

A straightforward Western remake is antithetical to almost everything about The Coen Brothers, but it comes through so clearly watching True Grit how much of a blast they must have had making it. With a starmaking performance from Hailee Steinfeld and Matt Damon at perhaps his most outrageously fun, we are all better off for this movie existing.

45. 1917 (2019)

Directed by Sam Mendes

The first thing anyone wants to talk about with 1917 is the one-long-shot approach, and for good reason. It takes you right inside the horror of World War 1, and it might become the defining work of the greatest cinematographer of a generation, Roger Deakins. But the camerawork is almost too good, because it leaves the screenplay and lead performances as completely underrated. Although this movie intentionally feels like a sprint, there are so many amazing things going on within it.

44. MANCHESTER BY THE SEA (2016)

Directed by Kenneth Lonergan

Manchester By The Sea often comes up in conversation for how goddamn sad it is, and that’s valid. It’s devastating. But leaving it at that shortchanges this screenplay, of which you can count on one hand how many might have topped it this decade. And then there is Casey Affleck’s performance in the lead…good lord. I almost never think to revisit this movie, but that doesn’t make it any less of a masterpiece.

43. THE OTHER GUYS (2010)

Directed by Adam McKay

The Other Guys is oft quoted, from “Dirty Mike and the Boys” to the TLC references. But I still feel like it doesn’t have the legacy it deserves? I mean, Ferrell and Wahlberg pair PERFECTLY, and killing off The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson in the first 10 minutes remains one of the funniest things ever. Most people would tell me I’m crazy for saying this is my favorite McKay/Ferrell vehicle…but I think it is?

42. ARGO (2012)

Directed by Ben Affleck

Argo strangely feels like it happened 20 years ago, and it’s even stranger that a movie like this won Best Picture. Still, Argo-fuck yourself if you’re a hater. You know how it’s gonna end the whole time, but that doesn’t make the final act even a little bit less thrilling. Also, thanks again Canada!

41. STEVE JOBS (2015)

Directed by Danny Boyle

A criminally overlooked movie, thanks in part to bombing at the box office and the shitty Jobs biopic starring Ashton Kutcher that came out right beforehand. I love the pace, look, and dialogue of this movie – even if it comes dangerously close to Sorkin overload. But more than anything, Michael Fassbander CRUSHES in the title role. He got hosed at the Oscars with Leo getting his lifetime achievement award that year, and the really sad part is that Fassbender’s career today probably looks a lot different for the better had he won.

40. THE DISASTER ARTIST (2017)

Directed by James Franco

The really good movie about the really bad movie, James Franco pulled off something amazing here. You can convince me that it’s the funniest movie of the decade, but even without any jokes The Disaster Artist would be moving. In retrospect the Oscar buzz surrounding Franco’s performance was silly, and I wish they had gone a bit deeper into the dark side of being involved in the production of The Room. Still, I cackled, cried, and cheered in these 103 minutes.

39. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012)

Directed by Christopher Nolan

If you had polled me midway through the decade, I would have told you that The Dark Knight Rises was a lock to finish in the Top 10 for this blog. It somehow lived up to the hype, Bane was instantly iconic, and it spurred a real debate over whether it was even better than The Dark Knight. Now you should be embarrassed to have that debate in public, and I’d agree that TDKR hasn’t aged all too well. But the fact that that debate actually did happen speaks to how awesome this movie was and still is.

38. SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK (2012)

Directed by David O. Russell

I’m not sure how well Silver Linings Playbook would be received if it were released in 2019 instead of 2012, but that’s not how it went, so I’ll disregard that hypothetical. Bradley Cooper became more than the guy from The Hangover, Jennifer Lawrence immediately became a star (and do not pretend like she wasn’t AWESOME in this), and De Niro hit a homer in a bold role. David O. Russell has had his fair share of whiffs since Silver Linings, but he really connected with this contradiction of a movie. It’s a rom-com that’s also a sports movie, and you’re laughing the whole time while the whole time you feel like you aren’t supposed to be laughing.

37. THE BIG SICK (2017)

Directed by Michael Showalter

Kumail Nanjiani’s passion project could not have been released at a more perfect time. Hysterical and important, The Big Sick was a sleeper hit behind its Oscar-nominated screenplay and insanely good performances – especially from Holly Hunter and Ray Romano. While I hope that everyone eventually sees this movie, its better legacy would be as a trailblazer for more original projects like it.

36. BLINDSPOTTING (2018)

Directed by Carlos Lopez Estrada

Similar in nature to The Big Sick, some of my favorite movies are the ones where it’s painfully obvious that the people involved have been fighting for years to bring it to the big screen. And whew boy, that is the case for Blindspotting. It’s not the first movie to tackle police violence or gentrification, but it has such a genuine style that I can’t really find a comparison. Just take my word for it.

35. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL (2014)

Directed by Wes Anderson

I am by NO means a Wes Anderson fan, so The Grand Budapest Hotel’s placement on this list should tell you all you need to know about it. Visually stunning, actually funny, and anchored by an all-time turn from Ralph Fiennes, I can’t think of another movie from this decade that surprised me more with its sheer entertainment.

34. DRIVE (2011)

Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

There might be some detractors out there now that Drive is approaching its tenth birthday, but I don’t care what they have to say. Drive is still so fucking cool. Almost no modern films look or sound better, and you know it right from the opening credits. The 2010s flat-out belonged to Ryan Gosling, and this still might be his most iconic performance even though he barely speaks.

33. TOY STORY 4 (2019)

Directed by Josh Cooley

This franchise, man. EVERYONE, myself included, had agreed that Toy Story 3 (more on that later) was the perfect culmination to this saga. It was more than fair to have concern over whether Pixar was going to milk another good-not-great sequel for a billion dollars like Monsters University and Finding Dory. But then, through a villainous 1950s pullstring doll and a spork having an existential crisis, you realize that they never actually wrapped up Woody and Buzz’s mutual arc? Toy Story 4 certainly didn’t flop, but I think time will be extremely kind to its legacy.

32. MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (2015)

Directed by George Miller 

I’ll admit it: I didn’t get the hype when I saw Fury Road in theaters. Maybe I was just shell-shocked, but it took until about my fifth viewing on HBO to realize what George Miller pulled off. There are multiple action scenes that are among the best ever put to the big screen, and you can feel the realness behind each stunt and crash and explosion. I maintain that Tom Hardy is bad in this movie, but who cares? Charlize Theron’s Imperator Furiosa is one of the best characters of the decade, and I’m literally out of breath by the time they decide to go back on the road.

31. PHANTOM THREAD (2017)

Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

My name is PJ, and I freaking love this movie about a 1950s idiosyncratic dressmaker and his muse. I hesitate to divulge any plot points or one-liners because they all hit so hard upon first watch. It’s Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Day-Lewis, so you really shouldn’t be too surprised, but seriously go watch Phantom Thread.

30. I, TONYA (2017)

Directed by Craig Gillespie 

I rolled my eyes at the “Goodfellas on ice” marketing behind this movie, but that’s actually a pretty perfect description of I,Tonya! With a script that completely runs with the insanity of the whole situation and Margot Robbie and Allison Janney absolutely going for it, I, Tonya is almost impossibly fun. Sure, you might find yourself sympathizing a little too much for Harding at times, but there is enough to remind you that she’s a liar and overall shitty person. But damn, she could skate!

29. DJANGO UNCHAINED (2012)

Directed by Quentin Tarantino

A movie about slavery that is…cathartic and cool? Only Tarantino. I wouldn’t say that Django Unchained is a perfect movie, but it very well might be perfectly acted. Everyone involved is hitting the right notes, nobody more than Mr. DiCaprio in a rare supporting role. It’s a performance that isn’t any less jaw-dropping over seven years later. Honestly, it’s probably my favorite of his filmography, and that alone justifies a high ranking.

28. MOONLIGHT (2016)

Directed by Barry Jenkins

Bar none, there is not another movie on this list that rivals Moonlight in its pure beauty. Barry Jenkins grants you VIP access to Chiron’s heartbreaking self-discovery through three separate acts in his life. Moonlight is MUCH more than just an educational look into the life of an underrepresented protagonist. For my money, the scene above with Mahershala Ali (in a Hall of Fame performance) is the single best scene of the decade.

27a. PADDINGTON (2014)

27b. PADDINGTON 2 (2017)

Directed by Paul King 

These movies are TREASURES. I love that polite bear from Darkest Peru more than anything. These are both family films to their cores, but the Paddington movies have transcended age because of their undeniable wholesomeness. I think I prefer the original while I can acknowledge that the sequel is probably a bit better, but I’m cheating here because picking against either of them would break my heart.

26. EX MACHINA (2014)

Directed by Alex Garland 

More than any other movie that I can remember, I sat in my bed in silence for a LONG time after watching Ex Machina for the first time. It is indescribably unsettling, and I mean that in the best way possible. The movie looks and sounds incredible, and it will scare the ever-living shit out of you in non-traditional ways. A sharp screenplay from Alex Garland and a crazy good performance from Alicia Vikander elevate Ex Machina far beyond its basic questions about mankind.

25. THE AVENGERS (2012)

Directed by Joss Whedon 

There have been some truly great entries among the 23 movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the project that probably defines this decade in film more than anything. And yet, it is the entry that kickstarted the massive scale of these movies that we’ve come to love that remains the best of the MCU. You have to go back to 2012 logic to properly appreciate The Avengers. Marvel movies weren’t THAT popular yet, and people REALLY didn’t think all of these characters on screen at the same time would work. Um, it did, on its way to becoming one of only three movies released before 2015 to crack $1.5 billion at the box office.

24. THIS IS THE END (2013)

Directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

This trailer blew up the Internet, and deservedly so behind a premise that is truly one of the most inventive of the decade. People are STILL quoting this movie, often without realizing it. (We were collectively not saying “tight” a lot before this came out.) You get cokehead Michael Cera, pretentious Jonah Hill, axe-wielding Emma Watson…the list keeps going. It’s the best pure comedy of the 2010s to me.

23. THE NICE GUYS (2016)

Directed by Shane Black

The Nice Guys is the type of movie that rarely gets made anymore, which is a shame because it’s my favorite kind of movie. Shane Black was given $50 million by Warner Bros. to bring his script – which fits into three separate genres according to Wikipedia – to life behind Russell Crowe and Gos-God in the leads. Unfortunately, I don’t see more movies like it being made in the future, since The Nice Guys didn’t land at the box office or win awards. But it is fucking hilarious, thrilling, and has way more heart than you’d suspect.

22. ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (2019)

Directed by Quentin Tarantino

I had not for the life of me been able to pick which of Tarantino’s films I liked more between Django and Once Upon a Time. But I’m giving the more recent of the two the nod because it has already started to age incredibly well. I really liked Once Upon a Time upon my first viewing a few months ago in theaters, but I have revered this movie ever since my first rewatch. EVERY scene is worth searching on YouTube. And Brad Pitt…just unfairly cool.

21. HELL OR HIGH WATER (2016)

Directed by David Mackenzie

A couple things are certain when it comes to Hell or High Water. This would be a ton of people’s single favorite movie if it gains the exposure it deserves, and if not for No Country For Old Men it might be the greatest neo-western of all time. Extremely badass with an extremely important social statement to boot, this movie is ferocious from start to finish. ESPECIALLY to finish…good lord, Ben Foster.

20. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 (2011)

Directed by David Yates

It would be disingenuous to suggest that Deathly Hallows was split up into two parts purely for cinematic reasons…but man it worked out for the best. Part 2 is a rush from the get-go, loaded with action and awesome visuals. But there is never any distraction from the emotional stakes of the culmination of this pop culture phenomenon. With the amount of franchises that have botched their landings in recent years, Harry Potter going out with its best entry is only more magical in hindsight.

19. EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!! (2016)

Directed by Richard Linklater

A near lock to become a cult classic, Everybody Wants Some!! is Richard Linklater’s “spiritual sequel” to Dazed and Confused that largely went unseen. But that description is accurate, because this movie is truly just as good. A hangout movie with a cast that you genuinely would want to hangout with, there wasn’t a movie released this decade that I have more fun revisiting.

18. CREED (2015)

Directed by Ryan Coogler 

Maybe the most pleasant surprise of the decade, Creed was released on the heels of multiple mediocre Rocky movies and went on to become one of the greatest sports movies of all time in the process. Ryan Coogler rejuvenated this franchise with amazing boxing scenes and a brilliant story that allowed Sylvester Stallone to be in the movie as way more than just a cameo. It’s a bummer that Coogler was one-and-done in the franchise, but at least we can revisit Creed and still feel those thrills we got the first time.

17. GONE GIRL (2014)

Directed by David Fincher 

The movie that I just assume is better than the book, Gone Girl is a popcorn thriller that still gets two thumbs up from even the most pretentious Fincher fanatic. Rosamund Pike is obviously and rightfully the star here – she should have won the Oscar. But Affleck is AWESOME in this movie too! It’s troubling, scary, and will sure as hell mess with your mind. But it’s still so cool.

16. THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN (2016)

Directed by Kelly Fremon Craig

The Edge of Seventeen is my personal pick as the most underrated movie of the decade, and I say that as someone who was late to discovering it. But ever since my first time with it, I’ve watched it again as much as any other movie. I’m of the belief that Hailee Steinfeld should be the most famous person on the planet, and if you think that’s crazy then watch her performance in this and get back to me. Affecting and funny for any viewer at any age, The Edge of Seventeen belongs in that Mean Girls tier of coming-of-age films.

15. SPOTLIGHT (2015)

Directed by Tom McCarthy 

Normally a biographical newspaper movie is one that comes off as Oscar-bait, but Spotlight is legitimately gripping. Perfectly written, acted, and directed, everyone involved does their part to present you the facts without any greater agenda. It’s one of the more disturbing movies of the decade, yet one that’s strangely rewatchable. The silence that hit my theater during the final credits was my most chilling movie moment of the decade, maybe ever.

14. MONEYBALL (2011)

Directed by Bennett Miller

I’ll admit: I didn’t take to Moneyball back when it came out, and yes that is entirely because I am a baseball snob. Although I do still think it’s a bit weird how the movie makes zero mention of the A’s having the MVP and Cy Young winner on their team, I can look past that now because the rest of Moneyball is a cinematic achievement. Scouting meetings and trade negotiations for relievers play out like gunfights, and Brad Pitt has never been better. I can proudly admit that this story makes me emotional just thinking about it. It revolutionized sports, and all business to a degree, with the simple concept of playing to human beings’ strengths. How can you not be romantic about baseball? 

13. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FALLOUT (2018)

Directed by Christopher McQuarrie

Perhaps my most rewarding film experience of the decade was binging the first five Mission: Impossible movies in advance of Fallout hitting theaters. I figured it would be good with its dope trailer and strong early buzz. I didn’t realize that I’d be walking into one of the greatest action movies ever made. You get Henry Cavill as a villain. You get the return of Rebecca Ferguson as Ilsa Faust. You get the club bathroom fight. You get the HALO jump. I hesitate to say Tom Cruise’s daredevil approach to these movies is worth it because I’m afraid he’s going to kill himself in one of these stunts, but damn they are spectacular. 

12. THE BIG SHORT (2015)

Directed by Adam McKay 

Simultaneously one of the best comedies and horror movies of the decade, The Big Short managed to make us laugh while successfully simplifying the events that led to the financial crisis. The invention behind the storytelling and editing of this movie will likely be lost on people as time goes on, but The Big Short was a game changer. Just think about it: the most historically accurate movie about the financial crisis is the same one with Margot Robbie (as herself) in a bathtub.

11. WHIPLASH (2014)

Directed by Damien Chazelle

A movie about a jazz drummer is also one of the most intense movies of the decade. Whiplash is about letting nothing get in the way of your dream, and it is exhilarating to watch it all unfold. J.K. Simmons puts forward one of the truly iconic performances…of the decade? Of all time? It’s that elite. Whiplash has a perfect ending and only runs for 107 minutes, but it could have gone on forever and I’d be satisfied.

10. BIRDMAN (2014)

Directed by Alejandro G. Iñárritu 

The most dazzling movie of the decade, Birdman is a goddamn trip. Filmed to make it look like the entire movie is one shot, this is a breakthrough from a cinematography standpoint. And that score with the drums! Holy shit! Birdman is more than its aesthetics and technicality though. You find yourself desperately rooting for Michael Keaton’s Riggan Thomson, who really could have won an Oscar for this fairly meta performance as a washed up superhero actor. It did win Best Picture, one of the few times this decade the Academy made a good call there. 

9. LA LA LAND (2016)

Directed by Damien Chazelle

It was really a bummer that La La Land got swept up in the Best Picture race against Moonlight, because so many people still hold a grudge against it despite it being a masterpiece. It’s inspiring, funny, beautifully shot, and has songs that you’ll listen to in your free time. But none of those things are what separates it for me. Emma Stone earned her Oscar too, but that’s not it either. It’s the ending, which is long and unexpected and not “happy,” but it is PERFECT. My favorite ending of the decade. 

8. INCEPTION (2010)

Directed by Christopher Nolan

I’m not ranking Inception this high to get your take on whether or not the top is going to stop spinning at the end of the movie. I’m ranking it this high because it’s one of the most inventive movies I’ve ever seen, from visual and musical and storytelling standpoints. The movie is almost ten years old now and it still feels like you’re in an experiment when you’re watching it. I don’t side with Chris Nolan critics who roll their eyes at how heady his movies can be, although I do at least understand it in a case like Interstellar. I don’t think that argument applies to Inception whatsoever though. Whenever the characters go deeper into another dream, the deeper I get sucked into the movie.

7. PARASITE (2019)

Directed by Bong Joon-ho 

Believe the hype. Parasite is stunning. It’s addicting too, as I’ve already seen it twice when there are so many 2019 movies still out there that I need to see. It’s metaphoric in a fairly simple way, but it is so brilliant and clever with its twists, dialogue, visuals, etc. Even without the subtitles, I think I could have understood and been rocked by what transpires in the movie, which hopefully speaks to what Bong Joon-ho pulled off here.

6. SICARIO (2015)

Directed by Denis Villeneuve

Sicario is somehow that movie that I wouldn’t wish on anyone but also the movie that I don’t think I can be friends with you if you haven’t seen it. It’s impeccable, but holy hell is it an uncomfortable watch. It’s script, which is extremely gritty but also ambitious with its content, put Taylor Sheridan on the map. It’s an absolutely loaded cast with Emily Blunt, Benecio del Toro, Josh Brolin and Daniel Kaluuya, yet you don’t really care what any of their characters’ names are. You’re too dialed in to care. It’s maybe the most intense movie I’ve ever seen. I’ll never forget the feeling of being stapled to my theater chair as the final credits rolled.

5. TOY STORY 3 (2010)

Directed by Lee Unkrich

The most emotionally resonant movie of the decade, of course, was the one that introduced us to characters such as Lots-O’-Huggin’ Bear and Mr. Pricklepants. Toy Story 3 WRECKED everyone back in 2010, with themes of loss and goodbyes cooked in with the nostalgia of seeing these beloved characters on the big screen for the first time since the 90s. Think about how unlikely of a success story this was. How often is the decade-too-late sequel even a little bit good? And to become arguably the best Pixar movie ever made? Miracle.

4. BOYHOOD (2014)

Directed by Richard Linklater 

boyhood

I’m sure other directors have had the idea to film a movie in pieces over an elongated period of time, but thank goodness we got Richard Linklater as the one who actually pulled it off. As intimate as a movie possibly can be, Boyhood is a masterpiece. Plain and simple. Even though Boyhood operates essentially without a plot, it’s the most relatable movie that I’ve experienced, and I know I say that as a white kid who grew up in suburban New Jersey. But I think people from all different walks of life feel this way about Boyhood, and that’s kinda its point.

3. ARRIVAL (2016)

Directed by Denis Villeneuve

If you unfortunately missed Arrival when it came out, let me give you the brief synopsis: extraterrestrial seven-limbed creatures called heptapods have arrived on Earth in giant bean-like vessels. Interested?! I get if that description or sci-fi movies in general don’t do it for you, but Arrival also happens to offer beautiful and necessary insight into humanity and how we talk to one another. Denis Villeneuve’s work here had me itching to give him a standing ovation from the movie theater. The movie looks and sounds UNREAL, and it features a twist that is so captivating and heartbreaking that you don’t even realize is critical to the outcome of the movie until it hits you over the head and heart.

2. GET OUT (2017)

Directed by Jordan Peele

Quick preface: the final two movies on my list were my two 10/10 grades of the decade. To hit that perfect score, I’m looking for a movie that is a game-changer, culturally significant, stylish, thrilling, funny, and a time capsule of its era. That’s all! But somehow, Get Out meets those standards. Honestly I have no interest in writing about the importance of Get Out; I’ll let its “I would have voted for Obama a third time if I could” line speak for itself. But what does interest me is the feeling that all moviegoers crave: the feeling midway through a movie that you are watching something truly special. That feeling coming on a $4.5 million budget from one of the Key & Peele guys? One of the greatest Hollywood achievements EVER.

1. THE SOCIAL NETWORK (2010)

Directed by David Fincher

The Social Network is the movie of the decade for all of the reasons that I just listed above for Get Out. But there are even more factors in play here. The onset and growth of the Internet is one of the few paradigm shifts of the past century or so, and The Social Network is the best Internet movie ever made. In that sense, it’s All the President’s Men for computer nerds. But it’s entirely different in another sense, because the protagonist of this movie is no hero. In fact, part of what makes The Social Network so fascinating is how it’s aging into more and more into a villain origin story by the day. Remember when people thought that Fincher, Sorkin, and Jesse Eisenberg were too harsh in their portrayal of Zuck? While now we all wish they had actually gone in harder, it’s still astonishing how much those three truly understood this landscape and its perils all the way back in 2010. Nothing defines the 2010s more than the rise and fall of Facebook. The Social Network shows you the rise, but dig deeper and you can see that it’s also previewing the fall.

 

Honorable Mentions

Looper (2012)

Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

Prisoners (2013)

Snowpiercer (2013)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)

The Imitation Game (2014)

Interstellar (2014)

Nightcrawler (2014)

Top Five (2014)

The Martian (2015)

Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (2015)

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015)

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (2016)

Coco (2017)

Lady Bird (2017)

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Black Panther (2018)

Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

First Man (2018)

First Reformed (2018)

Marriage Story (2019)

Read

2019 NFL Season Preview

You know the drill. Here is my 2019 NFL Preview with a couple of notes on each team, my Over/Under win total pick (with odds according to Action Network as of 9/1), and postseason and awards predictions.

3/3 CONFIDENCE = Lock

2/3 CONFIDENCE = Bet It

1/3 CONFIDENCE = Push or Close To Push

 

AFC EAST 

  1. New England Patriots
  • The reigning champs have won 15 of the last 16 AFC East titles, and this year is just as much of a lock as ever to make that 16 of 17. Seriously, don’t think twice about this.
  • Tom Brady isn’t the same Tom Brady who threw for 50 touchdowns in a single season and likely won’t be near the top of the yardage leaders by the end of the season…but he’s absolutely still Tom Brady. But perhaps more importantly, he has more talent around him than he has in years – even with Gronk’s retirement. The receiving corps is deep and versatile and they have at least two good running backs in James White and Sony Michel, and even with David Andrews’ serious injury the offensive line is one of the 10 best in the league. If Isaiah Wynn plays up to his first-round grade at left tackle – which a lot of smart people think he will – then you can probably bump this unit up to Top 5.
  • The Pats raised a lot of eyebrows when they handed Stephon Gilmore a $65 million contract before the 2017 season, but through two years it’s looking like one of the savvier free agency moves of the last decade. A true shutdown corner, Gilmore was pretty clearly the best at his position across the league last year – a claim that PFF would verify. He also had a rightful claim as Super Bowl MVP, but even if he didn’t win that, he’s without a doubt the most valuable player on a defense that once again his Super Bowl aspirations.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 11 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. New York Jets
  • I like Sam Darnold a lot too. He has an amazing skillset and was one of the better QBs in the league over the final few weeks of the season, and massive jumps in performance have become the norm for second-year quarterbacks. But let’s temper expectations here. While I’d be optimistic about his pairing with Adam Gase as a Jets fan, Gase is still in his first year with the team – and he comes over from Miami with a shaky-at-best reputation. Darnold is also playing behind a shoddy offensive line and without a true #1 receiver, so I’m thinking that the Pro Bowl nods that are in his future won’t start with the 2019 season.
  • The Jets offseason was certainly entertaining, but one that I wasn’t a huge fan of. I liked the moves to swoop in on Kelechi Osemele and Jamison Crowder at low stock value, but they negated that and more with the contracts given to Le’Veon Bell and CJ Mosley. Bell and Mosley should both be good players for at least this season, but I don’t see the Jets as a win-now team and they went all-in on two guys who I’m not confident will either be superstars in their new digs. Gang Green spent a ton of money this offseason to still be weak on the offensive line, at edge rush, and in the secondary.
  • That all being said, it’s tough to be too critical of the Jets offseason when they landed Quinnen Williams. It’s weird to call the third overall pick the “steal of the draft,” but that might be the case considering it already seems like a foregone conclusion that Williams is the best player in this rookie class.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 7.5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Buffalo Bills
  • One of my favorite fades of the season, I’d rank the Bills last in just about any other division in the league. My pessimism here is pretty much all linked to Josh Allen, who I don’t think people realize how bad he was last season. I know that rookie struggles happen and that he had an excruciatingly bad supporting cast, but he was inaccurate throwing the football to an unprecedented degree. People are high on him – and the Bills altogether – coming into his second season, but basically all of his value was linked to his scrambling and I can guarantee that was a total mirage.
  • I mostly liked the Bills offseason. To their credit, they are doing what they can to help out Allen. The Mitch Morse signing was one of the best of free agency, and I think Ty Nsekhe is a good player who could thrive in a starting role. And I like the idea of bringing in a variety of running backs and cutting LeSean McCoy. But I hesitate on the offseason as a whole because I hated what they did at receiver in giving pretty big money to both John Brown and Cole Beasley. I’m not sure that Robert Foster isn’t already a better deep threat than Brown and he was already on the Bills roster for next to nothing, and you can’t convince me that ANY third-round slot receiver would’ve returned more value than Beasley. It would’ve been cool to see Buffalo go all-in on an actual playmaker.
  • I keep the Bills at third in the division solely because of their defense. Coming off an amazing 2018 where they finished SECOND in Defense DVOA, they return basically the same group with Ed Oliver in the fold now too. I’m not sure they’ll be the league’s second best defense again, but they do have elite upside with a fairly high floor as well.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 7 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Miami Dolphins
  • I’d like to reward this team for going about a rebuild in a genuine manner, but man they are going to STINK in 2019. It’s just a bad, bad roster from top to bottom – but that’s kinda the point!
  • Even if the Dolphins do take a quarterback with one of the first picks of the 2020 Draft, I loved the move to swipe Josh Rosen from the Cardinals. But that kid cannot catch a break. He has gone from 2018’s worst offensive line under a defensive-minded rookie head coach to potentially 2019’s worst offensive line under another defensive-minded rookie head coach. At some point the excuses will fade and he’ll just need to play better, but for now the excuses are very real and valid.
  • Honestly though, Miami could be a sneaky fun team and I’d expect them to steal a couple of wins. You can bank on some FitzMagic, and the secondary has what it takes the force some opposing QBs into really bad days.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 4.5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Patriots – 12-4
  2. Jets – 8-8
  3. Bills – 5-11
  4. Dolphins – 4-12

 

NFC EAST 

  1. Philadelphia Eagles
  • I’m not as high on the Eagles as a lot of people are, but there is no denying that they have the best top-to-bottom roster in what is likely the worst division in the conference. Assuming that Fletcher Cox is OK, the Eagles have a fair claim at both the best offensive and defensive lines in the NFL, and that recipe almost always bodes well. (Cox, by the way, is well on the path towards becoming one of the most underrated players in NFL history, and that’s not an exaggeration.)
  • I think it’s pretty naïve to just assume that Carson Wentz is going to return to his 2017 MVP-level form. No doubt he was spectacular that season, but he played with an “organized chaos” style that we’ve also seen from the likes of Andrew Luck. It’s both what made Wentz so good and what got him seriously injured. Considering the contract the front office just handed to Wentz and the consequences that physical QBs like Luck have faced, I fully expect the coaching staff to put a leash on Wentz. He can definitely still be effective, but I don’t think he’ll be the same guy from two seasons ago. (His 11 mostly average starts from last year are also being strangely overlooked.)
  • I lean more towards the “running backs don’t matter” side of the debate than, say, taking one with the second overall pick, but it would have been wise for the Eagles to go bigger at that position. Miles Sanders could very well be the solution, but for a team with a dominant offensive line and an extremely ready-to-win roster, they would’ve been justified in going for one of the Melvin Gordon’s of the world instead of rolling into 2019 with Jordan Howard/Sanders/Darren Sproles/Corey Clement.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 10 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Dallas Cowboys
  • For a team that is so in the spotlight, I really don’t have all that much to say about the Cowboys going into 2019. They are one of the select few teams in the league without any real weaknesses (besides Jason Witten), but they also don’t have too much that generates excitement. I’d be pretty stunned to see Dallas finish below .500, but I’d also be pretty stunned to see them go better than 10-6.
  • Took them long enough, but Dallas finally realized that they do need Ezekiel Elliott in the picture. (I don’t think the Cowboys align with the general running back shift throughout the league.) But even with Zeke at full strength, I hesitate to pencil them in as more than a Wild Card team. I do think Dak Prescott is good and Kellen Moore calling the plays could be a godsend for this offense, but at the end of the day this is still a Jason Garrett coached team with a capped-upside quarterback.
  • I wrote this in this blog last year too…but remind me why Earl Thomas isn’t on this team?

OVER/UNDER – OVER 9 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. New York Giants
  • As anyone who has listened to me talk about the Giants this offseason would know, I am NOT high on their hopes for 2019, so don’t interpret this 3/4 ranking as optimism. The Giants had a bad defense last year, and they open this season without the three best defenders from that team’s roster. Is that good? There are a lot of exciting prospects within this unit, but they are going to suck all over in 2019. It’s a worthwhile bet that the Giants will finish last in the league in sacks.
  • The Giants also have a Bottom 5 quarterback situation, and one that won’t offer any upside whatsoever until the Week 11 bye at the earliest. You might have heard, but they are also replacing ODELL BECKHAM with a suspended and “clearly past-his-prime to everyone besides Dave Gettleman” Golden Tate.
  • Fine, I’ll do some nice words. Saquon Barkley is amazing, and he should have repeat success in 2019. I do think there is real potential for a 2016 Todd Gurley or 2018 David Johnson season given the aforementioned lack of competence, but I’m not expecting it. Despite still having arguably the worst right tackle situation in the league with Mike Remmers now as the Week 1 starter there – and that claim should not be taken lightly – this offensive line actually looks pretty good now.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 6 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Washington Redskins
  • I cannot believe that more people aren’t talking about this team heading into 2019, and NOT for good reasons. The R-Words are going to STINK. Jay Gruden as the first coach fired odds, 2020 Draft first overall pick odds, you name it: take them all while they still have this value.
  • I’m really not trying to be dramatic here, but has anyone else seen this offensive depth chart? Case Keenum, on his fourth team in four years, is the starting quarterback. 34 year-old Adrian Peterson is the starting running back. The wide receivers are…and I’m not kidding…Paul Richardson, Terry McLaurin, and Trey Quinn. The offensive line on paper would be the saving grace, but I’m fairly positive that Trent Williams isn’t suiting up this year, so they’ll be rolling out a left side tandem of DONALD PENN AND ERECK FLOWERS to start the season. Make no mistake about it. This is the worst offense in the NFL.
  • The Redskins defense is absolutely better than the offense…but I also don’t think it’s going to be any good this year. After a couple of years as an underrated unit, the Skins D was quietly pretty mediocre last year, finishing 20th in Defense DVOA. And I’m pretty sure they’ll be worse this year. Landon Collins is a great player who will make this team better, but he’s really at his best within the box and that’s not where this unit desperately needs help. This secondary is going to be truly dreadful. Josh Norman played up to his contract in DC but has major potential to fall off an absolute cliff in the final year of it. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, who quit football midway through last season, is in line to see a lot of snaps. And Montae Nicholson, who the Redskins tried to replace during the trade deadline last season since he is not a good football player, is still slated to be their main guy over the top. The defensive line is good, but not nearly good enough to bail out this unit.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 6 (3/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Eagles – 10-6
  2. Cowboys – 10-6
  3. Giants – 5-11
  4. Redskins – 3-13

  

AFC NORTH 

  1. Cleveland Browns
  • Ohhh you better believe that I am buying the Browns hype. I mean, have you seen this roster? Cleveland has a realistic shot at 7-8 Pro Bowlers. This team has real talent at every level with good depth too. A tough division and a new coaching staff could work against them, but I’m not counting on it. The Browns are extremely real Super Bowl contenders this year.
  • I do think we’ve all been a litttttttle quick to coronate Baker Mayfield, but the truth of the matter is that he’s already a good quarterback who has a chance to take a massive jump in his second season. Nick Chubb is already one of the best running backs in the NFL. Odell Beckham is going to go for 1,500 yards and 15+ touchdowns if he plays the full season. There is some cause for concern regarding the offensive line, but I don’t think it’ll be bad enough to derail what should be a dynamite offense.
  • And guess what…the defense should be really good too! It doesn’t get much better than Myles Garrett and Olivier Vernon rushing the quarterback from the edges. With the amount of talent in that front four now, I’d be more surprised to see Garrett not be an All-Pro by the end of the year than him making that team. And the secondary anchored by budding star Denzel Ward should be quite good too. There are nitpicks with the Browns, but I just really think this is all finally going to work out for them.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 9 (3/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Baltimore Ravens
  • And that glowing review of the Browns takes me directly into another team that I’m extremely high on. The Ravens won 10 games last year despite a midseason quarterback change to a rookie with a completely different style. They also had one of my favorite offseasons, letting other teams break the bank for some of their free agents while Baltimore simultaneously got better. I acknowledge the real chance that Lamar Jackson doesn’t work out over the course of a full season, but I believe in him and the work that the Ravens have done around him.
  • As I was saying, I think people are evaluating Lamar Jackson too much based off the first three quarters of his playoff game. But people are forgetting that the kid did a ton of good things last year and that he’s not some sort of gimmick. He also has a good offensive line in front of him, some intriguing weapons in the passing game including a potential up-and-coming stud in Mark Andrews, and a running game that should be excellent with Mark Ingram now in the picture. I think it’s slept on that Ingram is still a really physical and really good runner…I think he could finish Top 3 in the league in rushing yards.
  • The Ravens defense was elite as always last year, and you should expect more of the same in 2019. C.J. Mosley and Za’Darius Smith got handed $151 million worth of total contracts this offseason, and yet I don’t expect the Ravens production to fall off much – if at all – with Matthew Judon and Patrick Onwuasor filling in. Oh yeah, and they also added Earl Thomas, just one of the best safeties of all-time who only just turned 30 years old. This group is gonna absolutely dominate.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 8.5 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Pittsburgh Steelers
  • The Steelers have an above-average roster on paper, but there’s probably gotta be an odd team out in this division, and I don’t think Pittsburgh did as much to improve as the first two teams this offseason and they already might have been the third best team in the division by the 2018 season’s end.
  • I really don’t care that Ben Roethlisberger threw for over 5,100 yards last year. He’s not all that great. He’ll put the ball in the air 50 times a game and make some big-time throws, but he also doesn’t take care of the ball and will have one less stud receiver to consistently bail him out this year. He still has a ton of help with a great offensive line, JuJu Smith-Schuster, and James Conner, but I’m not gonna put my eggs in any Big Ben basket.
  • The Steelers defense should be solid if healthy. They could use another edge rusher and some more reinforcements in the secondary, but they have good players all over and brought in one of my favorite Draft prospects in Devin Bush. He should be able to contribute right away, but even if he’s Jack Lambert I don’t think this defense is slowing down the Chiefs and the rest of the AFC’s elite.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 9 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Cincinnati Bengals
  • Man, it’s hard to find a less noteworthy team going into 2019 than the Bengals. Can we just pencil them in for like the 6th pick in the Draft now?
  • In what could possibly be the final year of the Andy Dalton era in stripes, this offense is not going to be a fun one to watch. Joe Mixon and Tyler Boyd are good players, but they’re legit it. The offensive line is seriously bad enough to tank the entire team. I also have no reason for confidence in Zac Taylor as a head coach, and I’m doubtful that AJ Green plays a single snap for this team this season.
  • The defense actually has enough good players to not look so bad on paper, but this is largely the same unit that finished 27th in Defense DVOA last year. There isn’t a single linebacker corps across the league worse than this one. The Bengals will be extremely easy to run against, and teams will be running against them…a lot.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 6 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Browns – 11-5
  2. Ravens – 10-6
  3. Steelers – 9-7
  4. Bengals – 4-12

  

NFC NORTH 

  1. Minnesota Vikings
  • This has gotta be the hardest division to peg in football. There should be three good teams, but I don’t feel confident about any of them being great For the sake of that rule about how multiple division winners don’t repeat the following year, I’m not picking the Bears here. (I also think they’re flawed.) And then I just have too many doubts about the Packers. So that leaves the Vikings. I’m sure Kirk Cousins won’t let me down at all!
  • In fairness towards the Vikings, I do like them as a post-hype team following a season where they were commonly predicted to make it to the Super Bowl. Cousins is what he is at this point. No QB is more dependent on his supporting cast, but the Vikings did make a real effort to improve things on that side of the ball. They already had likely the best receiver duo in the league in Adam Thielen and Stefon Diggs, they shouldn’t repeat last year’s identity crisis with Gary Kubiak now in the mix, and the offensive line shouldn’t be as disastrous.
  • The Vikings defense should really be admired. They had a lot go wrong last year: Everson Griffen dealt with scary mental health issues, Xavier Rhodes completely lost his way, and more…and they still finished fourth in DVOA. Mike Zimmer and Co. seem to just have it figured out. This group could even take a step up if Harrison Smith rediscovers his insane 2017 form.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 9 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Green Bay Packers
  • Well, you can’t knock the Packers for staying put following their disastrous 2018 season! This team is going to have a completely different look, starting at the top with new coach Matt LaFleur. On one hand he gets points for simply not being Mike McCarthy…but on the other hand I just don’t think LaFleur is a good coach? I mean, what did the Packers see here to pounce on him so quickly with one of the most desired coaching vacancies of the last decade? He has limited experience and was kinda a big disappointment in his one season in Tennessee. Aaron Rodgers detractors are idiots, but there’s no doubt that the guy is tough to work with. I can just see this playing out where it doesn’t work at all.
  • For at least 2019 though, I do think the offense will be really effective. And that has way more to do with Rodgers than LaFleur. He played injured and in a 1970’s offense for the entire 2018 season and threw for 25 touchdowns with 2 interceptions and nearly 4,500 yards. He’s a freak. It’s agonizing that Green Bay didn’t bring in a legit second receiving option during their offseason bonanza. But at least Davante Adams is an established star, the offensive line is one of the best in the league behind David Bakhtiara, and it sounds like Aaron “Actually Good” Jones will finally get the bulk of the carries.
  • The Packers defense was terrible in 2018 (finished 29th in DVOA), and boy they went IN this offseason. Aaaaand I still don’t think they’re going to be that good. The front seven might be better with Za’Darius Smith and Preston Smith subbed in and Mike Daniels subbed out, but if you’re going to put $118 million and the 12th overall pick (Rashan Gary) towards this unit, I’d want to feel a lot better about their ability to get after the quarterback. And I feel the same way about the secondary! In theory they should be improved behind Jaire Alexander, who is already good and could make the jump to a Pro Bowler in his second season. Adrian Amos was one of my favorite singings of the offseason too, and his stability will be especially huge with rookie Darnell Savage starting at free safety. Even with all of that, I still think this group could get burnt a lot.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 9 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Chicago Bears
  • The Bears were my favorite 2018 play. I sniped them as a 12 win team, not a big deal. And with that, they are one of my more confident 2019 fades. I definitely don’t think they’ll be bad this year, but I just see a lot of concerning reasons for regression.
  • Can we talk about Mitch Trubisky? Because I’m pretty positive that he isn’t good and that 2019 could very well be the year where everyone catches on. So much of his value – both in reality and fantasy – is inflated by his running ability, which is fine but not exactly comforting when discussing his progression as a quarterback. He plays extremely recklessly and is due for a rise in turnovers, especially with a full year of tape now in existence with him in Matt Nagy’s offense. The line is good and the rest of the offense is solid enough, but I just bet that Trubisky tanks this thing.
  • The Bears defense is still amazing. Anyone who says otherwise is just wrong. But finishing as the best defense year over year is really difficult, especially when your Hall of Fame defensive coordinator leaves and you are due for some worse injury luck. Like I said, this group is still scary, and Roquan Smith can definitely make the Pro Bowl jump this year. If I’m wrong about the Bears it will be because of this defense, but I just see too much working against Chicago.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 9 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Detroit Lions
  • The Lions have been one of the more boring teams in the league for years now. In fairness, I actually liked a lot of what they did to change things up. But they still just have too many things working against them that I think can’t be overcome, so I’m still just not feeling it. Matt Patricia did nothing to shut everyone up – myself including – who thought he was a terrible hire. They hired Darrell Bevell to call the plays on offensive, who was too conservative for the Seattle Seahawks. And they are still paying top dollar to a quarterback who is mired in averageness.
  • The frustrating part of the Bevell hire and Stafford’s gradual decline is that the Lions suddenly have a ton of talent on offense! Kerryon Johnson could be great, and Kenny Golladay/Marvin Jones/Danny Amendola is an exciting receiving corps. They have a good pair of tackles on the offensive line and a potential stud center in Frank Ragnow if he can get healthy, and TJ Hockensen – while he mayyyyybe shouldn’t have been the eighth overall pick – should represent a massive upgrade at tight end. It all falls back on Stafford and the playcalling, but this offense could actually be sneaky good in 2019.
  • The defensive situation is funny. The Detroit Lions – yes, the Detroit Lions – might have the best defensive line in football. They supplemented an already strong group with a pair of studs in Trey Flowers and Mike Daniels. But after the front four, it gets bad pretty quick. The Lions finally did something to get Darius Slay help in the secondary by adding Rashaan Melvin and Justin Coleman – both of whom have been good players within the past two years. Still, even if they’re not as bad as last year that secondary doesn’t inspire too much confidence, especially with a terrible group of safeties. The linebackers are also among the worst in the league, and have I mentioned Matt Patricia?

OVER/UNDER – OVER 6.5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Vikings – 9-7
  2. Packers – 9-7
  3. Bears – 8-8
  4. Lions – 7-9

  

AFC SOUTH

  1. Houston Texans
  • If you want to read in-depth on the insanity that was the Texans offseason, go to…literally any football publication. It was madness and definitely stupid, but this blog is about 2019, and the fact of the matter is that the Texans are a much better football team in 2019 now. I still have zero clue why they had to move on from Jadaveon Clowney, but the Texans’ offensive line was the single biggest NFL roster flaw heading into this season, and it’s now been addressed in a major way. Laremy Tunsil is simultaneously good and ascendant, and he single-handedly makes that unit and this team altogether more reputable.
  • The offense has a ton going for them. Deshaun Watson feels ready to make that final jump into the elite QB tier. DeAndre Hopkins has established himself as the true king of pass-catchers, and the receiving corps behind him is really good too. This isn’t a finished product though. Even with Tunsil in the fold, the offensive line as a whole still isn’t good. I also don’t expect them to run the ball very well, and I’m sorry but Bill O’Brien does not do it for me.
  • I don’t have much to say about the defense. They’re good! Pretty firmly entrenched in that second tier of NFL defenses, and that’s essentially where I land on the Texans…a second tier team. They are one of the easiest division winners to predict, but I also really don’t see this team making it to the Super Bowl. I’m not sure they can handle the league’s elite teams at rushing the quarterback or airing it out, and they are a few teams that can do both well.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 8.5 (2/3 CONFIDENCE) ((Deshaun Watson Injury Insurance))

  1. Indianapolis Colts
  • I’m pretty sure the Colts would have been a playoff team with Andrew Luck under center, and I’m pretty sure they won’t be with Jacoby Brissett in his place. I get that Brissett had been one of the better backup QBs in the league and that he’s ready for this, but come on guys. The “Colts actually might not be worse” argument that’s gone trendy is a dumb one. I definitely think they’ll remain competitive, but they’re much worse off without Luck.
  • As I’m getting at, Brissett could be solid. He definitely has a good enough situation around him as a backup QB could hope to inherit. Frank Reich is a great playcaller, the offensive line is awesome, and TY Hilton and Marlon Mack lead a good group of skill players. It won’t be as electric, but the Colts will still score some points.
  • The Colts defense was one of the bigger overachieving units in the NFL last year, and they should be fine this year. Defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus is probably a head coach in waiting, and they have an All-Pro in Darius Leonard in the middle. It’s not as dependable everywhere around him, so yeah I think this defense will be extremely middle-of-the-road.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 7.5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Jacksonville Jaguars
  • No team screams “meh” this year more than the Jags. I just don’t like the upside at all. I understand that the Jaguars needed to do something at quarterback and that the Nick Foles contract was a last gasp by the current front office, but it’s just not gonna go well. Foles is incredibly mediocre, and his supporting cast is so much worse than it was in Philly.
  • The offensive line could actually grow into a good unit this year, but this offense still isn’t going to scare anyone. Leonard Fournette should be better but I just don’t think he’s an explosive player, and HOW do the Jaguars still not have one legit receiver all these years later?
  • The defense will lead this team again, and there is still so much going for them. Calais Campbell is at his peak for what’s becoming a low-key Hall of Fame career, Jalen Ramsey feels ready to grab hold onto the NFL’s cornerback belt and not let go for a couple of years, and Josh Allen might immediately step in and record 10+ sacks with good coverage. But when you look up and down the depth chart, there are way more holes on defense than there were two years ago. That’s what happens when you spend all of your money in free agency and it catches up with you!

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 8 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Tennessee Titans
  • This one feels like a slam dunk. The Titans overachieved to 9 wins last year, finishing 22nd in Offense DVOA and 18th in Defense DVOA. They reek with mediocrity and I think are pretty clearly the fourth dog in this division…and they’re supposed to go .500? I don’t see it at all.
  • If you’ve read these blogs of mine over the past few years, you’ll know that it pains me to say that Marcus Mariota is finally, officially, not good. By midseason I think the Titans will be going back and forth between him and Ryan Tannehill, and two quarterback offenses always go well! Their offensive coordinator is their former tight ends assistant. This is gonna be ugly.
  • The defense should be fine. Jurrell Casey and Kevin Byard are studs and among the NFL’s most underrated players, and there are good pieces elsewhere too. Maybe Cameron Wake can keep defying time, but I just don’t think this defense will do anything in particular exceptionally well. They’ll keep the Titans in games, but they won’t win them.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 8 (3/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Texans – 10-6
  2. Colts – 8-8
  3. Jaguars – 7-9
  4. Titans – 4-12

 

NFC SOUTH

  1. Carolina Panthers
  • I went back and forth on this one more than any other division. I think all four teams could be good and at least two teams could be really good, which strangely works against their records predictions. I just see it playing out where they’re all stealing wins from one another. And I usually don’t like looking into specific schedules during this exercise, but the Panthers are hosting the Saints in Week 17. Calling it months in advance that it’s flexed into the Sunday Night spot and that the Panthers clinch the division at home.
  • I’m all in on a bounce-back season for Cam Newton, not that his level of play even dropped off that much. I’m just hopeful that he’ll stay upright with a much better offensive line in front of him and the most skill around him that he’s probably ever had. It all falls back on Cam’s health, but this offense is going to be physical as hell up front and they are going to fly downfield.
  • The Panthers defense took a step back in 2018, but I like them to rebound as an upper-half unit this season. The defensive line is excellent with Gerald McCoy now in the picture. Luke Kuechly truly makes everyone around him better, but there are real questions surrounding the pass rush and the secondary. I’m a fan of both Donte Jackson and rookie Brian Burns though, so I don’t think either will be major issues.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 7.5 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. New Orleans Saints
  • Don’t get me wrong…I think the Saints should be good again! I just see them as a team that has probably already peaked in what should be a more competitive division and conference. The Superdome remains the best homefield advantage in football, and the Saints will need to dominate there once again to repeat as division champs. If they lose one or two extra games there – the Saints only lost one game at home all last season (and in Week 1) – then that could be all it takes to lose the crown.
  • I do buy into the notion that we’ve begun to see the decline of Drew Brees. He should remain crazy efficient and won’t dramatically fall off a cliff this season, but the Saints offense really slowed down towards the end of the 2018 regular season and into the playoffs. He could not have more help around him, with potentially the league’s best offensive line, running back, and wide receiver. They’re absolutely loaded, but it all goes through Brees’ right arm. (Speaking of the league’s best running back, I think Alvin Kamara could go for 20+ touchdowns this season.)
  • We’re long past the days of the Saints defense dragging them down, as they were once again good in 2018 (11th in DVOA). They have a superstar in Cameron Jordan and have been propped up by breakout years over the past two seasons. The expectation is that Marcus Davenport – the 2018 first-rounder – joins that breakout club, but if not then this group could be due for some regression.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 10.5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Atlanta Falcons
  • The Falcons were my pick to win the goddamn Super Bowl last year – how things have changed. It’s true that no team had worse injury luck than Atlanta last year, but it’s also true that they had flaws exposed that weren’t fully addressed this offseason.
  • The Atlanta defense is pretty terrible, even with the players who got hurt last year back in the fold. Deion Jones is one of the rare linebackers who actually makes the whole defense better when he’s on his game, but I’m nervous about him with foot issues still lingering coming into the season. Outside of Grady Jarrett from the interior, they have absolutely no pass rush, and the secondary isn’t nearly special enough to make up for that.
  • I do think the Falcons could be quite good though, because their offense rules. Matt Ryan really has gotten better with age, and I think he’s good for another huge season this year. Julio Jones is a threat for 2,000 yards over any fully healthy season, and it would be nice to see Calvin Ridley take the next step up across the field. (Ridley struggled a lot more than let on as a rookie.) The offensive line has concerns despite two first-round picks being used on it, and it’s scary that they are depending on a healthy Devonta Freeman, but I think the Falcons will still put up a ton of points this year.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 8.5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  • This last place ranking is much more a reflection of the division than my thoughts on the Bucs. I think they’ll be improved, and maybe even much improved! The differences between Bruce Arians and Todd Bowles over Dirk Koetter and Mike Smith cannot be overstated whatsoever. Things are going to change for the better in Tampa, but fans might have to express some patience.
  • The Bucs might be the most fun RedZone team in the league. They are going to throw, then throw, then throw some more. With nothing even resembling a running game and an awesome group of pass-catchers, no joke they might average 50 attempts per game. Jameis Winston’s arm might fall off, but it’s going to be fun as hell to watch!
  • I’m not sure the defense is going to be the league’s worst again…but they sure as shit aren’t going to be good. Bowles calling the shots and Devin White making plays sideline to sideline will make matters better, but the secondary has been and still is a complete disaster. The pass rush won’t be any good either, so start all of your fantasy WR’s against this team.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 6.5 (2/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Panthers – 9-7
  2. Saints – 9-7
  3. Falcons – 8-8
  4. Buccaneers – 8-8 

 

AFC WEST 

  1. Kansas City Chiefs
  • I was all in on the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes before last season, so you better believe that I’m running it back for 2019. This team is absolutely awesome and they weren’t complacent this offseason either. I’ll put it simply: the Chiefs are the best team in football.
  • The Chiefs offense was the best in football last year – kinda by a lot – and that shouldn’t change. They have the league’s brightest offensive mind in Andy Reid, the best tight end in Travis Kelce, and maybe the best pair of tackles in Mitchell Schwartz and Eric Fisher. Oh, and have I mentioned Pat Mahomes? He threw for over 5,000 yards and 50 touchdowns in his MVP campaign…and I strangely think he could be even better? If this is any reason for concern, I could see it playing out where the running game takes a step or two back. I think Kareem Hunt’s skill was taken for granted and the interior of the offensive line isn’t any good. I’m nitpicking though; this is gonna be a weekly fireworks show again.
  • The Chiefs absolutely could’ve won it all last year, but their defense didn’t do them any favors at the end of the day. With how good the coaching and the offense will be, all the Chiefs defense needs to do is be mediocre instead of bad. That should be enough for them to win it all, and I think they accomplished that mission this offseason. Frank Clark is an upgrade over Dee Ford and should pair with Chris Jones perfectly, and Tyrann Mathieu should provide more stability to the secondary than they had last year. Again, average is the goal here.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 10.5 (3/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Denver Broncos
  • What an absolutely confounding offseason for the Broncos. They made probably the single worst move of the spring by dedicating draft capital and a huge chunk of their cap towards Joe Flacco, who has a very strong claim to be the worst starting quarterback in the league. Flacco can probably throw the ball a mile in that Colorado air, but he’s old with a body that’s taken a massive beating, and he’s becoming less efficient by the year as every other team is completing more passes annually. But at the same time, the hiring of Vic Fangio was probably my single favorite move of the offseason. The defensive mastermind is long overdue for this chance, and I think this roster is perfect for the identity that he’s aiming to institute.
  • Even with Flacco under center, I think the Broncos offense can avoid being a total disaster. They can run the ball with the best of them, and they’re going to run it A LOT this season. Phillip Lindsay is really legit, and he could have a Thunder & Lightning backfield going on with Royce Freeman. Behind a solid-if-healthy (big if) offensive line, they are both threats to push 200 carries this year.
  • I’m extremely bullish on the Broncos this year – especially relative to projections – and it’s all because of Fangio and this defense. I think there is a really strong chance that this is the best defense in the NFL this season. Von Miller and Bradley Chubb coming off the edges are going to wreak havoc on every…single…play. I think the expectation for the duo is 30 combined sacks. I also think Chris Harris is good for at least one more elite season, and even if the Broncos overpaid for both Kareem Jackson and Bryce Callahan, both will be contributors towards a really strong secondary.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 7 (2/3 CONFIDENCE) ((I REALLY want to make this 3/3 but…Flacco.))

  1. Los Angeles Chargers
  • The Chargers currently have the sixth highest Over/Under total and I don’t see that at allllll. I know they’re coming off a 12 win season, but I just think this team couldn’t have more bad energy going into the season. Derwin James being out indefinitely is a total backbreaker, Melvin Gordon has probably played his last snap for the team, and Keenan Allen and Russell Okung have been banged up. They also just so happen to not have any fans. I wrote this last year about the Chargers too, but they essentially play 16 road games and it’s such a bigger disadvantage than people let on.
  • I know that Philip Rivers is really good, as was the offense as a whole last year (3rd in DVOA). I just think they’ve been playing with fire for a while now and that they’re overdue on getting burnt. The offensive line even with a healthy Okung is bad, and without him it will absolutely be one of the worst units in the league. I know that Keenan Allen rocks and that Mike Williams is crazy underrated and that Hunter Henry is back and that Austin Ekeler is probably good. But every year there is a talented offense that is completely derailed by its offensive line, and I’m banking on that being the Chargers in 2019. And if they can’t keep Rivers in one piece, then you’re looking at a team that could finish 5+ wins under projections.
  • The Chargers defense should be one of the league’s elite units, but they can’t seem to have everyone at the field at one time. Last year it was Joey Bosa who missed a ton of time, and this year it’s James already on the sideline. It’s still a good group with a high floor as is, but it’s a bit frustrating that we’ll have to wait even longer to see them at their best.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 9.5 (2/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Oakland Raiders
  • Will the Raiders be better this season? They almost have to be. But will they be good? I know a lot of smart football people are answering yes to that question but I…don’t see it. The pressure is on with their offseason spending spree, Hard Knocks spotlight, and it being their last season in Oakland, but I just think they have too many core problems that couldn’t be fixed overnight.
  • The Raiders offense is a total mixed bag. Even if the Antonio Brown trade has already gone up in flames, that was a trade I make 100/100 times if I’m running the Raiders. Josh Jacobs could be a stud for all I know, and the offensive line is more formidable now with Trent Brown in silver and black (even if his contract is tough). But like I said, all of these shiny new toys don’t fix the existing problems. I’m fairly confident at this point that Derek Carr is just flat-out mediocre without the talent to keep your hopes up. And left tackle Kolten Miller did absolutely nothing to persuade people the Raiders knew what they were doing when they reached for him in the 2018 Draft. And now he gets Joey Bosa, Bradley Chubb, and Frank Clark six times this year!
  • The Raiders defense is baaaaad too. They finished 30th in DVOA last year and their plan to change things up was…signing Lamarcus Joyner? He’s a good enough player, but he’s also a 30 year-old safety leaving a Wade Phillips defense to join one coached by…*looks up Raiders defensive coordinator*…Paul Guenther. Unless the Raiders know something about Clelin Ferrell that everybody else doesn’t – which better be true considering they drafted him fourth overall – then yeah this group is going to royally suck again.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 6 (1/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Chiefs – 13-3
  2. Broncos – 10-6
  3. Chargers – 7-9
  4. Raiders – 5-11 

 

NFC WEST

  1. Los Angeles Rams
  • If the 24 wins over the past two seasons and a Super Bowl appearance didn’t give it away, the Rams are really, really good. And they’re going to be really, really good again in 2019. Even if Sean McVay got outclassed in the Super Bowl and has kinda become the butt of a joke now that all of his disciples are getting head coaching jobs, the dude is still an offensive mastermind who knows his personnel better than their own mothers. This was the second best offense in football last year, and I see that happening again.
  • The Rams offense on the surface has a couple of things going against them. Todd Gurley might not be at 100% ever again and is in line for fewer touches. And I think the offensive line with its two new starters will slip a bit. And…I’m not sure any of that matters much. Jared Goff has ascended to one of the best pure throwers of the football in the league, and his receivers are going to be running open all over the field. And those receivers are…awesome. Robert Woods, Brandin Cooks, and Cooper Kupp could legitimately each be Pro Bowlers by the end of the season.
  • The Rams defense wasn’t any good last year, but they finished about league-average in metrics singlehandedly because of Aaron Donald. I can’t write anything about Donald in here that hasn’t been written before, but we’ve reached the territory where he’s an annual threat to break the single-season sack record. And considering that he’s doing this all from the defensive interior – where before Donald 10 sacks constituted an amazing season – he’s truthfully on his way towards becoming the Lawrence Taylor of a football generation. As long as he’s on the field, this defense will manage.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 10.5 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Seattle Seahawks
  • The Seahawks were a trendy pick to be one of the worst teams in football going into last season, and I didn’t see it because this was still a team with Russell Wilson and Bobby Wagner. They went 10-6 and made the playoffs. And now this roster looks better than last year and they’re…supposed to go around .500? Yup, makes complete sense to me!
  • Even though the Seahawks run the ball an agonizing amount and lost the perennially underrated Doug Baldwin to retirement, I think this offense will be good. Russell Wilson has transformed from a dual-threat into the best deep ball thrower in the league, and the Chris Carson/Rashaad Penny duo should efficiently pound the ball. But what gets me excited is Tyler Lockett stepping into the spotlight. The Cinderella of football analytics, Lockett finished first in the NFL in DVOA and Defense-adjusted Yards Above Replacement among wide receivers last year. This is the same guy who runs a 4.3 and has become a red zone menace, scoring 10 touchdowns last year. He’s not only going to fill Baldwin’s shoes; he’s going to become one of the premier receivers in the league.
  • Guess what? I think the Seahawks defense will be good too! That’s not saying too much with Bobby Wagner in the middle of the field, who you can make a convincing argument around being the best player in football. And then Pete Carroll is a wizard of the secondary so I’m not worried about that group, and now Seattle has Jadaveon Clowney on the edge to balance out a pass rush that was only full of lottery tickets before he got to town.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 8.5 (3/3 CONFIDENCE) 

  1. Arizona Cardinals
  • Would I have made the Kliff Kingsbury hire? No, I would not have hired the guy who got fired midseason from Texas Tech and then bailed on USC a month into his gig. But you know what? I get it, and I think it could work. The Cardinals really hit rock bottom and I respect them going for a complete 180 behind Kingsbury and Kyler Murray. It could blow up horribly, but I do think there’s a chance they hit the jackpot. For Year 1 though, I think it turns out somewhere in the middle.
  • I don’t like pretending that I know how rookie QBs are going to perform, but I do expect a positive year out of Kyler. Assuming he stays healthy – and I know that is a HUGE if — I think it plays out like Cam Newton’s rookie year. Absolute stat stuffing in both the air and on the ground with a lot of mistakes and team losses mixed in. Maybe I’m being too optimistic though, because his offensive line and receivers are both bad.
  • The Cardinals defense really quietly finished league-average last year, a fairly impressive feat for the worst team in the league. Patrick Peterson’s six-game suspension hurts, but this team drafted first-round talent Byron Murphy and signed Terrell Suggs and Jordan Hicks to go alongside an already solid pass defense. Teams might run down their throat, but overall I wouldn’t worry about this group.

OVER/UNDER – OVER 5 (1/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. San Francisco 49ers
  • I can at least see the logic behind the 49ers being good this year, but I just don’t agree with it. It’s just asking for a lot of faith in a bunch of people who haven’t given us much reason for faith outside of reputation. I know Kyle Shanahan hasn’t had the most talent to work with and has had to deal with more injuries than the usual head coach, but the guy is 10-22 going into Year 3. There is no way of spinning any positives around that.
  • Not only am I out on the head coach, I’m out on the quarterback. Good recipe for success! It’s weird that Jimmy G is still viewed as all potential even though he had three pretty bad starts before tearing his ACL last season. And even though I put almost no stock in preseason, all the talk is that Garoppolo has looked terrible. He also has a receiving corps with Dante Pettis as the main wideout. Even with George Kittle, a good offensive line, and the awesome-when-healthy Matt Breida in the picture, I don’t trust the core of this offense whatsoever.
  • The defense doesn’t do much for me either even though they put a ton of work into it this offseason. There are a few good players spread throughout – including a stud in DeForest Buckner and a potential stud in Nick Bosa – but there are just still weak links. San Fran also overpaid out the ass on both Dee Ford and Kwon Alexander, who could both completely crap out.

OVER/UNDER – UNDER 8 (2/3 CONFIDENCE)

  1. Rams – 12-4
  2. Seahawks – 11-5
  3. Cardinals – 6-10
  4. 49ers – 5-11

 

PLAYOFFS PREDICTIONS 

AFC 1 Seed: Chiefs

AFC 2 Seed: Patriots

AFC 3 Seed: Browns

AFC 4 Seed: Texans

AFC Wild Card 1: Ravens

AFC Wild Card 2: Broncos

 

NFC 1 Seed: Rams

NFC 2 Seed: Eagles

NFC 3 Seed: Panthers

NFC 4 Seed: Vikings

NFC Wild Card 1: Seahawks

NFC Wild Card 2: Cowboys

 

AFC Championship Game: Chiefs over Ravens

NFC Championship Game: Seahawks over Rams

Super Bowl: Chiefs over Seahawks

Chiefs

AWARDS PREDICTIONS 

MVP: Patrick Mahomes

Offensive Player of the Year: Jared Goff

Defensive Player of the Year: Aaron Donald

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Kyler Murray

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Quinnen Williams

Coach of the Year: Vic Fangio

Comeback Player of the Year: Earl Thomas

Walter Payton Man of the Year: Andrew Whitworth

 

Follow PJ on Twitter @Real_Peej

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Should, Could, Will, Why, and Where: The 2019 Oscars

The Academy can’t make up their minds about anything, but for now the Oscars are scheduled for Sunday, so I’m back with Connor Stambaugh to break down everything we want to happen and everything that will happen instead.

oscars 2019

Best Adapted Screenplay

Nominees: The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, BlacKkKlansman, Can You Ever Forgive Me?, If Beale Street Could Talk, A Star Is Born

PJ

Should Win: BlacKkKlansman

Could Win: A Star Is Born

Will Win: BlacKkKlansman

Why…Nothing!

Where is…First Man?

It’s funny that we’re leading off with this category, because you’ll quickly realize that I am NOT fond of the Academy’s overall choices this year…but this is good! This honestly might be the best category of the night, and there were a few other adapted screenplays that could’ve made the cut. The hilarious yet smart screenplays of Black Panther and Crazy Rich Asians come to mind, but I especially wish there could have been room for First Man’s slow burn. I guess it could have taken Buster Scruggs’ spot, especially since that stretches the definition of an adapted screenplay, but I actually really liked that movie and the Coen Brothers kinda have to try to not to get nominated.

Despite decent odds for both Can You Ever Forgive Me and If Beale Street Could Talk, I think this comes down to BlacKkKlansman vs. A Star Is Born, and either would be a fantastic choice. The buildup of A Star Is Born is just so, so good, as is the writing behind the addiction storyline. And the dialogue is probably the best of the year. Was there a more repeated 2018 movie line than “I just wanted take another look at ya”? Still, I can’t shake how steep the drop-off is over the second half of the movie. So I give the slightest of personal edges to the hilarious, brutal, and timely screenplay of BlacKkKlansman. I’m pretty confident it wins out too. It’s deserving of the honor, and like I wrote in this blog last year about Jordan Peele, there’s just no way that the Academy lets Spike Lee go home empty handed. I don’t feel great about his chances in the bigger categories, so Spike gets his long overdue Oscar here.

Connor

Should Win: BlacKkKlansman

Could Win: If Beale Street Could Talk

Will Win: BlacKkKlansman

Why… The Ballad of Buster Scruggs?

Where is…Widows?

Academy Award winner Spike Lee. Sounds pretty good, right? Get ready for it. This is a pretty exceptional category, and I really enjoyed Buster Scruggs so that kinda hurts but thems the rules. Beale Street is knocking on the door but this one is pretty much locked. Gillian Flynn took a complex heist narrative, fleshed out each character, and (along with Steve McQueen and a baddest cast) created a rousing and thoughtful piece of popcorn entertainment with Widows. Would’ve been nice to see.

Best Original Screenplay

Nominees: The Favourite, First Reformed, Green Book, Roma, Vice

Connor

Should Win: The Favourite or First Reformed

Could Win: Green Book

Will Win: The Favourite

Why…Green Book?

Where is…Eighth Grade? Sorry To Bother You?

This is a wild one, where a different film has won every major precursor. The Favourite *should* score here for its devilish wit, and it’s nice to see Paul Schrader recognized with his first career nod for the incredible First Reformed. (Seriously, go watch it. It’s streaming on Prime). Green Book somehow won the Globe and cannot be ignored. Bo Burnham? More like No Burnham. I’ll show myself out. But seriously, his WGA-winning script is so fucking good and should’ve been here. Special shoutout to Boots Riley for his imaginative and daring Sorry To Bother You script.

PJ

Should Win: First Reformed

Could Win: Green Book

Will Win: The Favourite

Why…Vice?

Where is…Blindspotting?

YUCK. They botched my favorite category this time around. This is usually where the more original and creative movies of the year that are too bold for other categories get their due, but instead the Academy pretty much teed off with an 8 iron on a Par 5. I personally didn’t care for a majority of these screenplays, but even objectively the Vice screenplay is straight up not good. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to see it nominated since Adam McKay is a genius, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s sloppy, largely uninteresting, and has no bite. As for the others, Green Book’s feel-good vibes don’t make up for its cheese factor and messy racial dynamics in my book, and Roma was just so sprawling. I don’t have enough fingers to list off the more deserving options here, but I’ll shout out Blindspotting since it was super underrated and had a script with more energy than any other movie I saw in 2018.

Still, it’s hard for me to get too upset here, because the First Reformed screenplay got a bit of a surprising nomination, and it was my favorite of the year. It was so goddamn brilliant and thought provoking and daring. Paul Schrader, who got his first ever Oscar nomination for this screenplay EVEN THOUGH HE WROTE TAXI DRIVER AND RAGING BULL, should be getting his first statuette as well, but it’s going to Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara instead. And I’d actually be fine with that – The Favourite was extremely original with A++ insults to boot.

Best Supporting Actor

Nominees: Mahershala Ali for Green Book, Adam Driver for BlacKkKlansman, Sam Elliott for A Star Is Born, Richard E. Grant for Can You Ever Forgive Me?, Sam Rockwell for Vice

PJ

Should Win: Adam Driver

Could Win: Mahershala Ali or Sam Elliott

Will Win: Richard E. Grant

Why…Sam Rockwell?

Where is…Jason Isaacs for The Death of Stalin?

Each of these next two categories is going to be FUN. Since four of these nominees are hugely deserving and at least three stand a good chance of winning, I’m going to trim the fat now: Sam Rockwell has absolutely no business being here. He was actually one of the few things I liked about Vice, but that’s just because he offered like five minutes of pure comic relief with his Dubya impression. If we’re giving that final spot to whoever served up the most laughs per scene, then it should have gone to Isaacs.

Anyway, a lot of people have this category as a runaway for Ali. Not only do I not see it that way, I have a weird feeling that he’s not going to win. His performance as Don Shirley was undoubtedly great, but he’s got a few things working against him. First and foremost, the Shirley Family was apparently less than pleased with the characterization and the movie as a whole. But Ali also won this very award just two years ago for Moonlight, and that performance dwarfs this one. (I would remove him from the category altogether just because he’s a goddamn lead in this movie, but nobody else seems to care about that.) The other three nominees each delivered one of my ten favorite performances of the year. I loved Driver’s the most, but I just don’t think there’s any way the Academy would risk the optics of the white guy winning the only Oscar for BlacKkKlansman. Elliott might have given the best pound-for-pound performance of ANY actor, but he just wasn’t in the movie that much and I’m not sure he can overcome that. (Seriously you morons, the category is for SUPPORTING performances. This is what that is supposed to mean!) So that leaves Grant, a popular actor who is impossible to look away from in Can You Ever Forgive Me? His speech would be a highlight of the night.

Connor

Should Win: Sam Elliott

Could Win: Richard E. Grant

Will Win: Mahershala Ali

Why…Sam Rockwell?

Where is…Everyone?

Sam Elliott backing out of the driveway. Nuff said. Anyone with a close relationship to a sibling would be absolutely gutted right there. I was ready to hand this to him back in October, but who are we kidding? Mahershala is taking this home. It’s a walk. Richard E. Grant, however charming he may be, doesn’t have as close of a shot as some pundits are predicting. Going with the stats here. It should be noted that this category was so strong all year that you could have an incredible field of five that weren’t even nominated – Chalamet, Hugh Grant, Michael B. Jordan, Nicholas Hoult, Alex Wolff.

Best Supporting Actress

Nominees: Amy Adams for Vice, Marina de Tavira for Roma, Regina King for If Beale Street Could Talk, Emma Stone for The Favourite, Rachel Weisz for The Favourite

Connor

Should Win: Rachel Weisz

Could Win: Regina King

Will Win: Rachel Weisz

Why…Nothing!

Where is…Claire Foy for First Man?

Here is my ballsy pick. Hear me out: Regina King has long been considered the frontrunner for her performance in If Beale Street Could Talk, but missing out on SAG (the actor’s branch that makes up the majority of Academy voters) and BAFTA nominations hurt. Weisz has won before and is *incredible* as Lady Sarah in The Favourite. Beale Street’s three nominations vs. The Favourite’s ten. Coming off the BAFTA win, I’m feeling the love for Weisz. Claire Foy was stellar in First Man, and I think her missing out on a nom is more of a knock against the film than it is for her performance. Other than that, de Tavira is the best part of Roma and this is a very strong category.

PJ

Should Win: Rachel Weisz

Could Win: Regina King

Will Win: Rachel Weisz

Why…Amy Adams?

Where is…Claire Foy for First Man?

SERIOUSLY THOUGH…WHERE IS CLAIRE FOY?!?! I thought she was going to win the damn thing! Did every single Academy voter get up to take a piss during the “BUNCH OF BOYS” scene? Christ.

I swear I’m not copying here. The Academy clearly didn’t love If Beale Street Could Talk. Ironically enough, I did, but I don’t get the hype surrounding King. She was definitely good, but it’s a mostly dialed-back performance and she doesn’t have THAT scene that you usually look for from supporting actors. If I were to bet on Oscars, I’d put money on both nominees from The Favourite. The fact that both already have Oscars could work against them, but Weisz won all the way back in 2006. Also, mildly important, she outdoes Stone in the movie.

(Don’t even float the idea of Adams winning to me. I LOVE me some Amy Adams, but she was not very good in this role.)

Best Actress

Nominees: Yalitza Aparicio for Roma, Glenn Close for The Wife, Olivia Colman for The Favourite, Lady Gaga for A Star Is Born, Melissa McCarthy for Can You Ever Forgive Me?

PJ

Should Win: Lady Gaga

Could Win: Olivia Colman

Will Win: Glenn Close

Why…Yalitza Aparicio?

Where is…Toni Collette for Hereditary?

I’ve had a really last-second change of heart here. I’m confident that Close will finally lose her distinction of being the most nominated actor ever without a win, and I was all aboard that train. I still think she was incredible and that this wouldn’t be a bad case of lifetime achievement recognition, but my rule in the acting categories is that performances from bad movies shouldn’t win. I actually kinda liked The Wife almost solely due to Close’s performance, but the fact of the matter is that it’s not a particularly good movie. A Star Is Born, on the other hand, is very good. I had a few minor issues with Gaga’s performance, but her singing scenes was instantly legendary and I’m still amazed by how convincingly she played a grounded character.

As for Aparicio, I love the “can you BELIEVE it was her first time acting” reviews. Yes. Yes I can. (I’ll let Connor talk Collette.)

Connor

Should Win: Olivia Colman

Could Win: Olivia Colman

Will Win: Glenn Close

Why…Yalitza Aparicio?

Where is…Toni Collette for Hereditary?

Toni Collette gave, in my opinion, one of the greatest performances of the decade in Hereditary. I just don’t understand the miss. Yalitza was solid but unremarkable. I didn’t buy in emotionally and I don’t see her having a long career in film. Of all people not named Toni Collette, Olivia Colman should win here. She’s at once tragic and hilarious and I want to hear another Olivia Colman speech. (Check out her BAFTA win). She’s in for a dogfight against Close and her “career award.” I haven’t seen The Wife & will have to let PJ speak to her performance, but the idea of awarding someone based on her career instead of a single performance is annoying. Give her an honorary Oscar and give the queen her hardware.

Best Actor

Nominees: Christian Bale for Vice, Bradley Cooper for A Star Is Born, Willem Dafoe for At Eternity’s Gate, Rami Malek for Bohemian Rhapsody, Viggo Mortensen for Green Book

Connor

Should Win: Bradley Cooper

Could Win: Christian Bale

Will Win: Rami Malek

Why…Willem Dafoe? Viggo Mortensen?

Where is…Ethan Hawke for First Reformed?

Like Collette, 2018 belonged to Ethan Hawke. His perfect role in the perfect First Reformed was, well, perfect. This award doesn’t count. Cancel the show. Luckily, the second best male performance of the year is Bradley Cooper’s. It is *insane* to me that he will lose to anyone in this category. He is the only one not playing a real life figure, and to build up such a believable, tragic character from the ground up (not to mention the live singing, piano, guitar, directing, writing, producing, etc.) is remarkable. Bale is the Gary Oldman of this year and the Academy loves rewarding actors who transform, but at this point I don’t think there is any stopping Rami Malek and the behemoth that is Bohemian Rhapsody.

PJ

Should Win: Bradley Cooper

Could Win: Rami Malek or Bradley Cooper

Will Win: Christian Bale

Why…Willem Dafoe?

Where is…Ethan Hawke for First Reformed?

Connor already covered how ass backwards this category has been from the start, from Hawke’s snub all the way to Malek dominating the awards circuit for an impression from a shit movie that is honestly more problematic than uncanny. So instead, I want to focus on what really matters: At Eternity’s Gate. I know almost nobody saw this movie…but did ANYONE see this movie besides me? Because it is bad. Like SOOOOO bad. It’s a drama about van Gogh that uses more shaky cam than Cloverfield. And Dafoe isn’t even good in it! Half of his performance is sprinting through the countryside for no particular reason! All right, now that that’s off my chest, Bradley Cooper should win in a landslide. Thank you.

Best Director

Nominees: Spike Lee for BlacKkKlansman, Pawel Pawlikowski for Cold War, Yorgos Lanthimos for The Favourite, Alfonso Cuaron for Roma, Adam McKay for Vice

PJ

Should Win: Alfonso Cuaron

Could Win: Not Happening

Will Win: Alfonso Cuaron

Why…Adam McKay?

Where is…Ryan Coogler for Black Panther?

This is the only lock of the night among the major awards. Cuaron turned an extremely personal story about his upbringing in Mexico City into a technical and visual masterpiece. He deserves his second Oscar.

I obviously didn’t like Vice, but I didn’t hate it either. I just think it’s mind-boggling that it got Oscar nominations, let alone EIGHT of them. So that pretty much speaks to what I thought of McKay’s direction, which never deviated past “Dick Cheney was bad.” I would have so much rather seen Bradley Cooper, Christopher McQuarrie, Damien Chazelle, or Ryan Coogler, who turned the 18th Marvel movie into way more than a superhero movie, in that spot.

Connor

Should Win: Alfonso Cuarón or Yorgos Lanthimos

Could Win: Spike Lee

Will Win: Alfonso Cuarón

Why…Adam McKay?

Where is…Bradley Cooper for A Star Is Born?

This is Cuarón’s to lose after sweeping all relevant precursors. One of the safest bets of the night, but I know there is a groundswell of support for Spike here as he is long overdue for a nom (and because BlacKkKlansman rules pretty damn hard). I’ve long been a Lanthimos fan and he turns in an obscenely lavish & wonderful film while directing the best ensemble of the year. Much has been said about Bradley Cooper’s snub and while I think his greatest contribution to A Star Is Born is in front of the camera, there’s no denying he is also a born director. I’m not losing sleep—he’ll be back.

Best Picture

Nominees: Black Panther, BlacKkKlansman, Bohemian Rhapsody, The Favourite, Green Book, Roma, A Star Is Born, Vice

Connor

Should Win: The Favourite

Could Win: Roma or The Favourite

Will Win: Green Book

Why…Bohemian Rhapsody?

Where are…The ‘Firsts’? (First Reformed, First Man)

This is one of the more wide-open Best Picture races in recent memory (and probably history). That said, only four have a reasonable shot at winning – Roma, Green Book, BlacKkKlansman, and The Favourite. Roma has been the critics champ all year long, but I think it has too much working against it. I don’t think the Academy is ready for a Netflix film to win the big one, and no foreign language film has ever won Best Picture. Roma is going to have a huge night, but I think it comes up empty-handed in the end. That leaves Academy-friendly, controversy riddled Green Book in prime position after riding a wave of solid box office and a strong showing at the Globes and other precursors. That said, neither Roma nor Green Book nabbed an Editing nom, which is a key indicator of Best Pic momentum and could spell trouble for both. If The Favourite takes Editing, watch out. The Favourite is my personal, ahem, favourite of the bunch and I would love to see a sweep. If Editing goes to either Vice or Bohemian Rhapsody, my money is on Green Book. Bohemian Rhapsody was incredibly entertaining (how could it not be with that music?) and Rami Malek does very well, but I don’t think it belongs here. I don’t understand how First Man got shafted across the board (that score!), and I need to plug First Reformed (my favorite of 2018) as another snub.

PJ

Should Win: Black Panther

Could Win: A Star Is Born

Will Win: Roma

Why…Bohemian Rhapsody?

Where is…Mission: Impossible – Fallout?

I don’t think 2018 was a standout movie year by any means, but man, these nominees make it seem like the worst movie year ever when that was certainly not the case. It’s gotta be the worst Best Picture class since when? 2011? This is all headlined by Bohemian Rhapsody, a generic yet terrible sing-a-long biopic that was half-made by known creep Bryan Singer and half-made WITHOUT A DIRECTOR. Just about any 2018 film could have justifiably taken its place, or, ya know, one of the two spaces that the Academy just opted not to use? We’re clearly still far away from a time when action movies will receive fair consideration for Oscars, because Mission: Impossible – Fallout is one of the finest ever made. It was the best movie I saw all year.

As for the winner, I’m not gonna overthink this one. Roma landed the most nominations, has arguably the most respected director in the world attached to it, and has supporters in just about every guild. I know it’s a Netflix movie and that a foreign film has never won Best Picture, but I just think too many voters are in love with it. If we’re talking upsets, I think A Star Is Born has WAY more of a chance than people are giving it. The Academy is clearly preoccupied by box office and winning over millennials, so yeah, I think the Lady Gaga movie that made over $400mil is in the hunt. I really don’t have a ride-or-die in this race, but I’d give my vote to Black Panther, which was undoubtedly the movie of the year and changed the game for an entire genre.

Nominee From Another Category That Needs To Win

PJ

Best Film Editing

Barry Alexander Brown for BlacKkKlansman

Despite the numerous problems that I have with both Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Book, both of those movies are actually really well edited. And The Favourite was crazy innovative from a technical standpoint. But BlacKkKlansman was a PERFECTLY paced movie, and without pinpoint editing the tonal mashup probably doesn’t work.

Connor

Best Animated Feature Film

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

 

Best Picture Ballot

Connor PJ
1. The Favourite 1. Black Panther
2t. A Star Is Born 2. BlacKkKlansman
2t. BlacKkKlansman 3. A Star Is Born
4. Roma 4. Roma
5. Black Panther 5. The Favourite
6. Bohemian Rhapsody 6. Green Book
Green Book (Haven’t Seen) 7. Vice
Vice (Haven’t Seen) 8. Bohemian Rhapsody

 

Top 10 of 2018

Connor PJ
1. First Reformed 1. Mission: Impossible – Fallout
2. The Favourite 2. Blindspotting
3. Paddington 2 3. Crazy Rich Asians
4. Eighth Grade 4. First Reformed
5. Sorry To Bother You 5. First Man
6. Mandy 6. Black Panther
7. A Star Is Born 7. BlacKkKlansman
8. Widows 8. Destroyer
9. Annihilation 9. Avengers: Infinity War
10. Hereditary 10. If Beale Street Could Talk
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My 2018 in Movies

Another year come, another year gone in movies. More than anything, 2018 in cinema was…weird. We started the year with MoviePass as the Wild Wild West, and we ended the year with MoviePass as the app that allows you to see the 10am showing of Instant Family and only that. It was a year where rom-coms returned and superhero movies became fun again! And by all accounts, this was a monster year for documentaries and foreign films too. (The only one I checked out in either category was Roma.) But overall this felt like a mostly down year for traditional, narrative-driven, English-language films. Your Oscars guesses are as good as mine. Still, there was a lot to really like in movies this year, and even some stuff to love. I’m headlining this blog with my obligatory, movie-critic-wannabe Top 10 of the Year. (I used to rank movies both objectively and subjectively, but that got confusing even for me, so now I’ve lumped them together.) But I’m also including the best and worst of other categories – some of the awards show variety, others made up by yours truly. I saw about fifty 2018 releases, and here’s what I thought about them.

(Haven’t-Yet-Seen Notables: Bad Times At The El Royale, Blindspotting, Burning, Halloween, If Beale Street Could Talk, Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, Ocean’s 8, Ralph Breaks the Internet, Support the Girls, The Rider)

 

TEN BEST MOVIES

 

10. Ready Player One

ready player one

No, I haven’t read the book. I haven’t read most books, if you’re asking. So I went into this movie completely blind, and two hours later I emerged with possibly my favorite theater experience of the year. A meditation on how CGI action can actually be awesome, Ready Player One is an absolute visual delight. Are the characters underdeveloped and is the story far too reliant on exposition? Sure. But this movie is proof that Steven Spielberg can still capture our imaginations, and that’s worth a whole lot.

 

9. BlacKkKlansman

 blackkklansman-poster

I’m not sure if Spike Lee ever lost it, but if he did, well then he’s found it. A tonal mashup like no other in 2018, BlacKkKlansman tries to be a ton of different things at once, and it succeeds on most levels. And that’s including a tie-in to reality at the credits that hits devastatingly hard. Occasionally Spike swings and misses and a few scenes bothered me, but this is an incredibly well acted movie that manages to be haunting and hilarious at the same time. (Responsible for my loudest laugh in a theater this year.)

8. Paddington 2

 paddington 2

Yup, I’m eating the marmalade too. I was late to the game, but these movies are just as wonderful as everyone says they are. I slightly prefer the original to the sequel, but Paddington 2 is still the best Wes Anderson movie that Wes Anderson movie didn’t actually make. You know in the back of your heart that nothing harmful can actually happen to Paddington, but that doesn’t stop you from worrying sick at all times about the well being of this polite bear from Darkest Peru. And DO NOT even get me going on the ending. Good lord, I still can barely handle it.

 

7. A Star Is Born

 a star is born

After an onslaught of a marketing campaign and Oscar buzz for Lady Gaga that feels like it started in 2017, A Star Is Born annoyed me before I even saw it. But then about halfway through the movie after that scene (more on it later), I thought to myself, “oh, so this might be the best movie ever.” That ended up definitely not being the case after a flawed second half, but I was still blown away by the final product. The soundtrack, the acting, the direction – I still can’t believe that Bradley Cooper actually delivered.

 

6. Avengers: Infinity War

 infinity war

For about 95% of the movie, I was properly satisfied with Infinity War. The Russo Brothers balanced all of the characters really well, there were some great fight scenes, Thor’s arrival on Wakanda was electric – it all did the job. Then that ending happened. The one that probably didn’t change the game but still feels like it changed the game. It was so bold and unexpected, and it instantly vaulted Thanos into elite villain territory. Who cares if its sequel is already being promoted? Let’s enjoy Infinity War as long as we can.

 

5. Black Panther

 black panther

For as much as I obviously liked Infinity War, sometimes the Marvel Cinematic Universe can feel too big. So for a self-contained story like this to debut right beforehand while being the most original and thought-provoking entry in the MCU yet…yeah I’m a big fan. Undoubtedly the movie event of the year, Black Panther deserves all of its hype. Cool and funny with a great cast of characters and maybe the best world building…ever? More of this, please.

 

4. First Man

first man

I’m not sure how this happened, but Damian Chazelle managed to make the most underrated movie of 2018. I think it was overlooked because it’s not an Apollo 13-style adventure or Americana propaganda, but it’s all the better for it. Instead focusing deeply on the private life of one of our lesser-known American heroes, Ryan Gosling plays a subtle yet strong Neil Armstrong with Claire Foy knocking it out of the park as his wife. The cinematography is a work of art and the score is my favorite of the year. I’m not sure that First Man reaches Chazelle’s heights of Whiplash and La La Land, but it’s definitely not far off.

 

3. First Reformed

 first reformed

Best performance of Ethan Hawke’s illustrious career? Check. A screenplay with genuinely profound themes and the best dialogue of the year? Check. Gorgeous camera work? Check. An ending that is so surreal that you’ll have no clue what the hell you just watched? Check. To some, First Reformed and its dearth of action might be too slow. But for others like me, this movie is mesmerizing and has been on the mind since the summer.

 

2. Crazy Rich Asians

 crazy rich asians

About 30 minutes into Crazy Rich Asians, I was surprised by how much fun I was having. But everything that I had come to learn about movies told me that there was no way the fun could last. But then, something happened. The movie got…even better? Seriously, in addition to simply being a blast of a movie, Crazy Rich Asians is absolutely terrific. The characters and the performances are excellent, the screenplay is sharp and hilarious, the production and costume designs are beautiful, the music is perfect…I could keep going. With multiple starmaking performances and the foundation established for sequels, Crazy Rich Asians feels like the start of something huge. And I am HERE for it.

 

1. Mission: Impossible – Fallout

fallout

Despite all of my glowing words for the previous nine movies, there was only one film in 2018 that will probably go down as an all-timer for me, and that movie is Fallout. One of my personal highlights of 2018 was binging the first five Mission: Impossible movies in anticipation of Fallout, and then having it exceed all of my wildest expectations. Forget the stunts and the action scenes being the best of the franchise. They are some of the best the genre has ever seen. Even the characters are great! Henry Cavill’s August Walker was an excellent addition, and Ilsa Faust continues to be the best non-Ethan character in the franchise. I’m not sure if Fallout is perfect, but it was as close as we got to perfection in 2018.

 

Just Missed The Cut: Widows, A Quiet Place, Leave No Trace, Searching

 

FIVE MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIES

I don’t see the appeal in going out of my way to pay for then spend two hours watching a bad movie, so these are definitely not the five absolute worst movies of the year. These are just the five worst movies that were either intriguing in some way or I thought could be good.

 

5. Borg vs McEnroe

I was really amped about this movie, being a huge tennis fan and someone who thinks Bjorn Borg’s story needs to reach a bigger audience. But Borg vs McEnroe has a ton of problems, starting with its title. Shia LaBeouf plays a good John McEnroe, but he’s in the movie for maybe 15 minutes. It’s all about Borg, which could have been a good thing but they don’t do anything interesting or provide any new information. Between that and the subpar tennis scenes, I couldn’t help but think the entire time how it would have been better as a 30 for 30. Maybe next time actually consult the subjects of the film?

 

4. Bohemian Rhapsody

I’m trying to decide on the scene that best encapsulates this movie. Is it when Freddie Mercury watches a trucker go into a rest stop bathroom, then all of a sudden he’s gay? Or when his friend sees some white dust on his living room table, then all of a sudden he has a drug problem? Or maybe when Freddie decides the band should go disco, then all of a sudden the “Another One Bites The Dust” bass riff is written? It’s an absolutely preposterous script that takes so many liberties, yet it somehow still manages to be a cookie-cutter take on one of the wildest rock bands ever. An admirable performance from Rami Malek and the impressive Live Aid recreation don’t save this from being one of the dumbest blockbusters in recent memory.

 

3. Isle of Dogs

The stop-motion animation is cool. I liked the score a lot. That’s where my compliments end. It’s the most painfully Wes Anderson movie in years. The story is quirky in the most boring way and his stupid humor falls completely flat. I honestly wanted to punch him in the face by the end of this movie.

 

2. Venom 

I can’t really remember what convinced me to see Venom, since the reviews were terrible and I thought the trailers looked like garbage. And boy, was I right! This movie did practically nothing well. Tom Hardy gives a truly bizarre performance that I’m still unsure about, and his screen chemistry with Michelle Williams is some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Throw that on top of one of the least compelling villains ever, bad action, and a PG-13 screenplay that tried its hardest to be edgy, and you have this dumpster fire of a film.

 

1. Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Of all the movies that I saw in 2018, there was only one that I truly resented, and that was Sicario: Day of the Soldado. Sicario is one of my favorite movies of the last decade, and it’s quite possibly the single last movie that I desired a sequel for. All of the tension, emotion, and ambiguity of the original is essentially replaced with, “what if we made the border seem…cooler?” Characters are developed in ways that actually make them far less compelling, the stakes are almost always unclear, and the movie ends with a scene that has the subtext of “we’re going to milk every single cent out of this franchise.” When Denis Villeneuve and Emily Blunt, possibly the hottest director and actor going in Hollywood right now, both pass on your sequel…then maybe don’t make one?

 

Just Missed The Cut: Ant-Man and the Wasp, Vice

 

TWENTY BEST PERFORMANCES

 

20. Ike Barinholtz (Blockers)

Barinholtz rolling up to his daughter’s pre-prom party while standing out of a limo sunroof, holding sparklers, and yelling “Taio Cruz!” was nothing short of movie magic.

 

19. Melissa McCarthy (Can You Ever Forgive Me?)

Great to see McCarthy finally get a lead role that doesn’t ask her to just do slapstick. (She’s still really funny in this movie.) Hoping to see her get an Oscar nomination.

 

18. Michelle Yeoh (Crazy Rich Asians)

You’re lying if you say you weren’t terrified of Yeoh in this movie. Even thinking about that mahjong scene makes me nervous. Perfect casting here.

 

17. Jason Isaacs (The Death of Stalin)

Isaacs doesn’t appear in The Death of Stalin until about an hour into the movie, but he comes in like a wrecking ball. He takes over every scene that he’s a part of.

 

16. John David Washington (BlacKkKlansman)

I think we can stop calling him “Denzel’s kid” now.

 

15. Blake Lively (A Simple Favor)

As someone who watched all of Gossip Girl in 2018, I saw a lot of Blake Lively this year. Let’s just say her acting this time around is…much better.

 

14. Rachel Weisz (The Favourite)

I wasn’t nearly as high on The Favourite as most, but the acting is great across the board. My favorite performance of the bunch was from Weisz, who nails the publicly steely, privately vulnerable act.

 

13. Tom Cruise (Mission: Impossible – Fallout)

The guy is 56 years old and doing helicopter stunts and jumping out of airplanes from extremely unsafe altitudes. I don’t care that it’s not traditional acting. It’s incredible.

 

12. Thomasin McKenzie (Leave No Trace)

No one born in the 21st century has any business being this good at acting already. She’s going to be around for a looooong time.

 

11. Elizabeth Debicki (Widows)

I didn’t even know Debicki’s name before seeing Widows, and now I want her cast in everything. Definition of a scene-stealer.

 

10. Lady Gaga (A Star Is Born)

All right, let’s talk about Gaga’s performance, because she’s going to win a trillion awards. Would I give them all to her? Probably not. I think her newness to the screen is evident during some intimate, conversation-driven scenes. But that doesn’t mean that she’s not goddamn amazing in this movie. Her vocal performances are the stuff of icon status. She was already a legend, but this just added to it.

 

9. Richard E. Grant (Can You Ever Forgive Me?)

We’ve reached the territory of names that I will be actively rooting for at the Oscars. Grant is so insanely good and funny in this movie, and he compliments Melissa McCarthy perfectly. My favorite chemistry of the year.

 

8. Elsie Fisher (Eighth Grade)

God bless Elsie Fisher for taking on this role. In one of the more awkward movies in recent memory, Fisher doesn’t shy away during the tough scenes and manages to win over everyone in the process. Casting actual young teens to play young teens…actually good!

 

7. John Cho (Searching)

This movie has such a batshit premise that I don’t even think it works with an average lead performance. But Cho goes so far beyond average that the movie doesn’t only work, but it became one of the year’s best. For a longtime actor who is still perhaps most famous for a character literally named “MILF Guy #2,” I hope Cho gets the recognition he deserves here.

 

6. Toni Collette (Hereditary)

I wasn’t crazy about Hereditary as a whole, mainly because of how far it goes off the deep end with its ending. So having Colette ranked this high, and as the top lead female performance of the year, should speak to how transcendently good she is in this role. Simply put, it’s one of the best performances ever within the horror genre.

 

5. Sam Elliott (A Star Is Born)

Elliott is only in a handful of scenes in A Star Is Born, but my god does he make all of them count. In what might be the best pound-for-pound performance of the year, Elliott is devastating as Bradley Cooper’s much older brother. If he wins some hardware during awards season, don’t frame it as a lifetime achievement thing. He deserves everything he gets for this performance.

 

4. Adam Driver (BlacKkKlansman)

What Driver does in this movie is insane. He’s basically playing two characters: one is a cop who’s trying to take down the local chapter of the KKK while understanding the hardships faced by his African-American partner, and the other is a buffoon who joins that chapter of the Klan. AKA, polar opposites. And not only does Driver make it work, but he’s hilarious in the process without the performance ever feeling insensitive. Even with a Best Supporting Actor class as loaded as this year’s is, Driver stands out.

 

3. Claire Foy (First Man)

There are a lot of things that make First Man work as well as it does, but nothing more than the dynamic between Ryan Gosling and Foy. As Gosling’s Neil Armstrong remains stoic throughout the movie to an unnerving degree, Foy’s Janet Armstrong slowly breaks down, and it is captivating to watch. From her accent to her delivery, everything about this performance works. Let’s hope the Academy agrees.

 

2. Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born)

There’s commitment, and then there’s what Bradley Cooper did for A Star Is Born. He learned and mastered multiple instruments, became a legitimately good singer, nailed that deep drawl, and transformed himself to look like a member of Kings Of Leon after a weeklong bender. And I haven’t even mentioned his acting yet. We always knew he could do that, but his breakdown in rehab scene might be the pinnacle of his career so far. Rami Malek might edge Cooper for awards for a performance where he wore fake teeth and lip-synced to Queen hits. Please don’t do that.

 

1. Ethan Hawke (First Reformed)

Narrowing this list to twenty performances and ranking 2-20 was tough, but this part was easy. Undoubtedly the top performance of the year, Hawke is this movie. Playing a priest who is in the midst of both a physical and a mental crisis, Hawke claws you in and doesn’t let go. Even though you know that things can’t end well for his character, it never stops being hypnotizing. It’s dumb that Ethan Hawke has never won an Oscar. It will be a crime if he still doesn’t have one after this year.

 

Just Missed The Cut: Ben Foster (Leave No Trace), Sunny Suljic (Mid90s), Jesse Plemons (Game Night), Olivia Cooke (Thoroughbreds), Lakeith Stanfield (Sorry To Bother You), Armie Hammer (Sorry To Bother You), Josh Hamilton (Eighth Grade), Michael B. Jordan (Creed 2), Emily Blunt (Mary Poppins Returns), Tim Blake Nelson (The Ballad of Buster Scruggs), Na-kel Smith (Mid90s), Hugh Grant (Paddington 2), Ronny Chieng (Crazy Rich Asians), Josh Brolin (Avengers: Infinity War), Jude Law (Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald)

 

FIVE WORST CHARACTERS

It’s usually tough to separate a performance from a hopeless role, so these are the characters that sucked the most in 2018.

 

5. i-R0k (T.J. Miller, Ready Player One)

It’s a miracle that Ready Player One turned out as good as it did after spending so long in production hell. But they didn’t completely avoid problems during that time, because T.J. Miller fell out of favor with just about everybody by the time the movie was released. Playing a character who barely serves a purpose beyond comic relief becomes an issue when the actor just isn’t very funny.

 

4. Rez Gavron (Rafi Gavron, A Star Is Born)

If you are asking yourself who this is, he is Ally’s manager. Not only is this character random and poorly acted, but it’s pretty evident that he only exists to push Jackson Maine to his inevitable conclusion.

 

3. Topsy (Meryl Streep, Mary Poppins Returns)

Man…I HATED this character. I’m not sure if Meryl inserted herself into the movie or if Disney demanded it, but I figure it has to be something like that because this character’s existence just makes no sense. It’s such an unnecessary ten-minute detour to meet Topsy, who has a stupid accent for some reason and is the center of one of the more forgettable numbers of the movie. If Topsy was in more than one scene, then she probably would have been at the top of this list.

 

2. Martin Addison (Logan Miller, Love, Simon)

I really liked Love, Simon, but I did have a few problems with the movie, and they basically all regard Martin. He’d probably be on this list just for being so unfunny and cringy, but he ranks second because he also VINDICTIVELY OUTS SIMON AND KINDA TOTALLY GETS AWAY WITH IT. Like, one of the meaner things you can possibly do to a person, and the only consequence was that he got yelled at a little bit.

 

1. Carlton Drake (Riz Ahmed, Venom)

I’m not sure what’s the worst part about Carlton Drake: the lifeless writing of the character, the bizarre decision to cast Riz Ahmed for it, or Ahmed’s completely unconvincing performance. As uncool and unimposing as a villain can possibly be, it’s fitting that it happened in a Venom movie, because this performance joins Topher Grace’s portrayal of Venom from Spider-Man 3 as one of the worst ever.

 

Just Missed The Cut: Sonny Burch (Walton Goggins, Ant-Man and the Wasp), Goh Wye Mun (Ken Jeong, Crazy Rich Asians), Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy, Venom), Paul Prenter (Allen Leech, Bohemian Rhapsody), Sawyer Valentini (Claire Foy, Unsane)

 

TEN BEST SCENES

(SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY)

 

10. X-Force Takes Flight, Deadpool 2

 

9. Charlie Leans Out The Window, Hereditary 

 

8. The Ending, Paddington 2

 

7. The Opening, A Quiet Place 

 

6. The Beach Rescue, Roma

 

5. The Drive Through The Neighborhood, Widows

 

4. Thanos Snaps His Fingers, Avengers: Infinity War

 

3. The Bathroom Fight, Mission: Impossible – Fallout

 

2. The Moon Landing, First Man 

 

1. “Shallow,” A Star Is Born

(Not the actual scene, but closest I could find.)

 

Just Missed The Cut: Cash Raps For The Room (Sorry To Bother You), The Race (Ready Player One), The Wedding (Crazy Rich Asians), “BROTHER FUCKER!” (A Simple Favor), Tom Says Goodbye (Leave No Trace), Toller Talks To Michael (First Reformed), Elastigirl Saves The Train (Incredibles 2), “Always Remember Us This Way” (A Star Is Born), Prom Party Arrival (Blockers), Killmonger Robs The Museum (Black Panther), Stevie Goes For The Jump (Mid90s), Thor Arrives On Wakanda (Avengers: Infinity War), The Screaming Bear (Annihilation), Sharing A Pizza (Set It Up), The Pool Party (Eighth Grade), Blaming Beria (The Death Of Stalin), “Can You Imagine That?” (Mary Poppins Returns)

 

 

Follow PJ on Twitter @Real_Peej

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Your Preseason Guide to The Bachelor, 2019 Edition

The Bachelor is basically a sport now. There are different seasons, you gather with friends to watch for 2-3 hours, you complain about how many commercials there are, hell – the franchise has its own Adam Schefter in Reality Steve. And while fantasy Bachelor leagues used to be something you’d have to explain to your coworkers, now your coworkers are asking you if you want to be a part of their league. (The answer is NO, Jennifer.)

Thursday marked my favorite Internet day of the year: the public release of the contestants. This year we have 30 (!!!) girls vying for Colton Underwood’s heart and flower. (The guy is a virgin, as I’m sure even your grandparents have heard by now.) ABC used to grace us with questionnaires from each contestant that 90% of the time only told us that they like avocados and Crazy, Stupid, Love, but they were still fun and led us to believe that we knew something about these women before they stepped out of the limo. Now all we get is a tweet-length summary of each contestant and a few words on them directly from the mouth of Chris Harrison. Still, as someone who has been a fan of this franchise for over a decade and a drafter of Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants for years, I’d like to think I have a good sense of who’s a TOTAL CONTENDER and who’s a TOTAL PRETENDER solely based off pictures, ages, and occupations. (Important note: comments will not reflect my personal opinions of these women/women in general. It’s The Bachelor, so it’s about to get really superficial in here.)

I actively avoid spoilers, but all public information is fair game by me. So all we have to work with is the official cast page on ABC’s website, Chris Harrison’s Facebook livestream, and Colton’s appearance on Ellen. That’s it. I’ll go in descending order from who has zero chance of winning the final rose to who I think will get the proposal. (So to clarify, I might think a girl that I rank in the 20’s will advance a few episodes, but she’s ranked there because she won’t win.) Here we go.

the-bachelor-abc-jpo-181206_hpMain_12x5_992

NOT IN THE AGE RANGE

This is the most crucial component of Bachelor drafting. Even more so than looks. (ABC used to tell us height too, which we desperately need back.) With The Bachelorette, anyone older than the girl in power is fair game, so it makes it harder to draft. With The Bachelor, you’re pretty much toast if you’re not between 24-28. But considering that Colton is only 26, we’re going to adjust our scale to 23-27. I’ll allow for the occasional exception to this rule (don’t make me remind you that 36 year-old Arie seriously considered 22 year-old Bekah), but this is pretty much gospel.

 

30. Elyse, 31, Alaska

elyse

Let me get this straight: Elyse has a negative percent chance of winning. Being 31 on The Bachelor is like being 93 on Hinge. Colton also has an obvious type, and “redheaded Alaskan” ain’t it. But she’s a lock to advance past Night One. Chris Harrison says that she “becomes the mom of the group.” In case I needed to remind you that 31 is ancient in this world.

 

29. Tracy, 31, Los Angeles

tracy

31 and apparently the center of drama on Night One. AKA, she’s gonna get trashed, sent home, and then bawl her eyes out because she can never find love.

 

28. Angelique, 28, New Jersey

angelique

The reveal of the contestants via Facebook Live is actually pretty fun, because it allows Chris Harrison to go off script for once. But the downside is that he inadvertently let a few minor details slip. One of them is that Angelique is 99% a goner on Night One.

 

27. Nina, 30, Raleigh

nina

Nina is 30, originally from Croatia, and “fled the conflict there amidst bullets and bombs.” Colton is 26, from Illinois, and likes puppies. This isn’t going to work out.

 

26. Heather, 22, California

heather

Heather is going to be a main character this season. Apparently she has never kissed a boy before…you think the producers are going to bludgeon that joke to death or just casually let it go? But Heather will not win. SHE IS TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD. I can already tell you that my favorite moment of the season will be when a bunch of 23 year-olds lecture Heather about immaturity.

 

25. Alex B, 29, Vancouver

alex b

In other seasons, Alex B would potentially rank fairly high. But Colton isn’t proposing to someone three years his elder regardless of how much she talks about her dogs.

 

NOT BASIC ENOUGH

The Bachelor isn’t where we turn to see progressive stuff. There is a pretty clear formula to winning this show that basically boils down to “the cuter, the blonder, the better.” I mean, two of the past three winners were 25 year-old blonde girls named Lauren B who clearly came from wealthy upbringings. Now that’s not to say that brunettes or girls with more originality don’t stand a chance. But considering that half of the contestant pool this year is 23 year-olds from either California or SEC country, let’s just say it’s definitely a benefit if she uses “like” five times per sentence.

 

24. Revian, 24, California

revian

Despite having a name that rhymes with elitist water, Revian does not meet our criteria.

 

23. Tahjzuan, 25, Colorado

tahjzuan

Last season there were FOUR contestants named Lauren. Tahjzuan is not winning this show.

 

22. Kirpa, 26, California

kirpa

Neither is Kirpa.

 

21. Onyeka, 24, Dallas

onyeka

Nor Onyeka.

 

20. Alex D, 23, Boston

alex d

This is one area where I’m pretty sure I differ from the majority of Bachelor Nation: I don’t find the fake job titles amusing whatsoever. Fortunately we don’t have as many this year as we usually do, but we still have Alex D who works as a “sloth.” And she dresses up as a sloth on Night One, because apparently the costumed contestant is something we need every season now. (Even though they never do well.) And she’s a Red Sox fan. I will be fervently rooting against Alex D this season.

 

19. Erika, 25, California

erika

Self-described as “The Nut,” I’m annoyed by Erika already. I’m going to need her sent home ASAP. Note to all blonde Californians going on The Bachelor: you can just not say anything and advance very, very far on this show. Do less, Erika.

 

18. Courtney, 23, Atlanta

courtney

Every season, we have a contestant who is way too good for this show yet doesn’t make it very far. I’m banking on that being Courtney this go-around. Courtney is an attractive, family-oriented 23 year-old originally from Germany who now runs her own catering business. Trust us, Courtney. When Colton inevitably doesn’t pick you, it will be the biggest blessing in disguise.

 

17. Laura, 26, Dallas

laura

Black hair?!?! An accountant?!?! Um, are you lost sweetheart?!?!

 

16. Nicole, 25, Miami

nicole

Chris Harrison made it seem like Nicole is a factor this season, which surprised me. But I’m going to stick to my guns here and declare that Nicole is not basic enough to win The Bachelor. Prediction though: she becomes a superstar in Bachelor in Paradise.

 

THE VILLAIN

We’ve seen villains win this show and we’ve seen villains only last two episodes. Who knows what her fate will be this time around, but you know that I will be rooting for her.

 

15. Catherine, 26, Florida

catherine

I am already captivated by Catherine. She’s magnificent. You could tell that she’s going to be the villain of the season just by her headshot, and all of the marketing has already confirmed as much. Chris Harrison said that she probably broke the record for the most “can I steal you’s?” on Night One. And then add in the fact that she’s a DJ FROM FORT LAUDERDALE. This is Jason Mendoza’s dream woman. The Joker. Cruella de Vil. Hannibal Lecter. Regina George. Catherine.

 

WILD CARDS

These women could either play themselves out of the competition on Night One or they could go on to win it all. Either I can’t get a good read on them, or they’re just plain crazy.

 

14. Sydney, 27, New York

sydney

The first of the three women who appeared on Ellen that I’ve mentioned so far, Sydney just doesn’t stand out in any way to me. She also completely butchered her pickup line to Colton, which makes it a lot less surprising that she’s never had a boyfriend before. I’d give her crap for quitting her job to finish like twelfth on this show, but she’ll 100% make more money as a Flat Tummy Tea sponsor than as a NBA dancer.

 

13. Devin, 23, Oregon

devin

Devin seems cool and is definitely hot, but I just don’t see it happening. She’ll probably be the one to bring a football to the mansion and pull the ol’ “no way, I like sports too!”

 

12. Cassie, 23, California

cassie

I am SO confident that Cassie will be the one to make it pretty far and then the audience simultaneously says to themselves, “wait, has that girl spoken a single word this entire season?”

 

11. Jane, 26, Los Angeles

jane

More than any other contestant this season, I’m having an impossible time pegging Jane. Her real name is Adrianne but she goes by Jane. That’s like me telling people to call me Daniel. Just can’t trust someone like that.

 

10. Erin, 28, Texas

erin

Erin has a trillion red flags. She’s 28. Her job title is “Cinderella.” She mentions her love of pumpkin spice lattes in her bio. The only thing is…she’s super hot. I’m not sure what will win out with Colton. (The hotness will, who am I kidding.)

 

9. Tayshia, 28, California

tayshia

Tayshia also has a lot going against her right out of the gate. She’s 28 too, and a black contestant has never won The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. But considering that she’s gorgeous and possibly the most impressive woman in the group, none of that could matter. Here’s to hoping that this is the season where things change! (It won’t be.)

 

8. Demi, 23, Texas

demi

RUN AWAY, COLTON! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! I get some major Isla Fisher in Wedding Crashers vibes with Demi. Chris Harrison basically confirmed that she’s totally off the wall. Is she going to be fun to watch? Definitely. Could she advance really far in this show? You bet. Might Colton be afraid of her by the end of the show? Absolutely. “Don’t ever leave me! Because I’d find you!

 

CONTENDERS

Any of these women could realistically win the show, and each of them stands a solid chance to make it to Hometown Dates and Fantasy Suites. Where I guess this season they’ll just…watch Netflix and maybe do some hand stuff? God, why couldn’t they have just picked a guy who has had sex before?

 

7. Hannah B, 23, Alabama

hannah b

Hannah’s entire bio is about Alabama. She’s Miss Alabama 2018, she went to the University of Alabama, she never misses an Alabama football game…you get the point. We’re all going to be diehard Auburn fans by the end of this season because of Hannah B. But she’s 23, hot, and blonde, so she’ll do well.

 

6. Caitlin, 25, Toronto

caitlin

Chris Harrison didn’t seem too enthused about Caitlin during the livestream, which is odd because she’s stunning, successful, Canadian (they do VERY well in this franchise), and the perfect Bachelor age of 25. I’m going to guess that Chris Harrison was just up to his sneaky old tricks and that Caitlin will make it far. If she doesn’t, well, then she should expect to hear from every male Bachelor fan on Twitter.

 

5. Katie, 26, California

katie

I promise you that Katie will be on the show for most of the season. The pretty, bubbly, California girl always does well. She came off as really basic but really fun on her Ellen appearance, and Chris Harrison said that she “changes the course of the entire season.” The first “I love you,” perhaps? I’d guess that we get to see Katie’s hometown, but I’d be surprised if she wins due to shitty reasons that I’ve already mentioned.

 

4. Caelynn, 23, Charlotte

caelynn

Caelynn has the genuinely impressive point on her resume of being the 2018 Miss America runner-up (collect $10 from Community Chest)…which I think has to mean that she beat Hannah B in that competition? Ipso facto, I neeeeeeeeeed that drama. But anyway, she’s really hot and will go really far. If she gets eliminated, then expect one of the “I need a moment, get the cameras away from me” breakups. If she wins, well, then Colton and Caelynn will probably name their kids something like Jax and Paisley.

 

3. Hannah G, 23, Birmingham

hannah g

Chris Harrison’s worst moment of the livestream happened here, so if you want to go into this season totally blind then you might want to skip to the next contestant. *Gives readers time to scroll* I’m 95% sure he revealed that Hannah G wins the first impression rose. C’mon, Chris! That’s a major prop bet that we’re talking about! Honestly, Hannah G sounds like she kinda sucks. She loves glamping and is a “Content Creator,” which just means that she’s better at picking Instagram filters than I am. But she’s beautiful, and if my first impression rose hypothesis is correct, then history tells us she will advance very far…or win the show.

 

2. Annie, 23, New York

annie

Annie is my personal favorite, and I’m scared that Colton will feel the same way. She murdered her Ellen appearance, making the best impression of the three girls by a mile. She’s 23 yet successful, and she has both a farm girl and city girl thing going on. If she doesn’t win the show, then she’s a prime Bachelorette candidate. (Yes, I am aware that I’m getting completely ahead of myself.)

 

THE FAVORITE

My prediction to win the final rose. I don’t have the best record on this subject, but I have a feeling that this is the year!!!

 

1. Bri, 24, Los Angeles

bri

I mean…scroll through these 30 women and tell me with a straight face that Bri doesn’t stand out. She looks like all of the former Bachelor winners meshed into one person for god’s sake. Models historically don’t do well on this show, but Bri’s bio and Chris Harrison both went out of their way to let us know that Bri is more than just a pretty face! She’s the only contestant who managed to screw up her short bio – she wants us all to know that her biggest dating fear is farting too loudly. That’s such a painfully Jennifer Lawrence thing to say, but at least it tells us that Bri has a personality. We’ll take it, and Colton probably will too.

 

Follow me on Twitter @Real_Peej as I live tweet all of The Bachelor drama starting Monday, January 7.